Then I took a breath and thought…
Maybe I’m not the best person to answer those questions.

So What Do I Do When I Don't Have An Answer?

Life can feel like a pressure-cooker when we rely on ourselves for all the answers.

At work, church, home, and in interactions with parents, kids, coworkers, in-laws or the teams we lead, the pressure is like an invisible weight. Fear creeps in. Our thoughts and actions take shape before we even realize it. And the stress mounts.

“If I don’t give my son the next best piece of advice, his future could take a wrong turn.”
“I’d better find the perfect strategy at work, or we won’t hit that goal.”
“This one answer needs to be spot-on, or ‘it’ won’t be good.”

Last week I came across a podcast from The Catholic Gentleman entitled, “The #1 Way You Can Ensure Your Child Is a Success.” Solid hook, right?

My first reaction: “Dang… What the heck is it? Are my kids at risk? I can’t NOT know this.”

The thought stuck with me. Then I realized how many similar messages I’d seen lately:

• Three quickest ways to lose the last 10 pounds.
  
• Two proven ways to improve your marriage overnight.
  
• Five processes to 10x your business in one month.
  
  

Everyone seems to have “the”   answer—usually packaged in five steps or less.

But the truth?
There is no single best answer for everyone. We’re all wired differently.

Make no mistake, I enjoy The Catholic Gentleman. John and Devin consistently share healthy, practical truth and wisdom. (That specific podcast’s conclusion, per many studies cited: the strongest predictor of a child’s long-term success is an engaged male role model in their daily life.)

But even that truth comes with a thousand variations in how it can be lived out.

Even so, after hearing them explain the data, I felt the pressure rising again. I found myself wondering:

Am I engaged enough?
Am I having the right conversations?
Do I ask the right questions? Push hard enough or too hard?
Am I distracted? Not in tune?

Then I took a breath and thought…
Maybe I’m not the best person to answer those questions.

So I caught our senior, Joe, between a bowl of cereal, two bananas, and a mountain of yogurt slightly smaller than a volleyball. 

I asked, “Do you feel like I’m engaged as a dad every day? I mean, am I doing a reasonable job?”

His response:
“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Ya, dad, you’re engaged.”
And then, as he walked out:
“No complaints here.” Followed by a smile.

Maybe we start there—a deep breath and a brave admission:

I’ll never have all the right answers.  So why not ask the people we’re trying to serve?

How am I doing?
What could I be doing differently?
Am I clear when I communicate?
Do I seem engaged?
What do you need from me?

And then do something wild and rare:  Listen.

Don’t correct. Don’t defend. Just listen.

They’ll feel seen.
You’ll gain clarity.
And the answers you’ve been pressuring yourself to produce may just reveal themselves.

Be brave.

Remain encouraged,
Brian