Then one day, a staff member boldly shared, “I don’t feel like you trust us.”

Over a decade ago, I discovered something else I was afraid of…It’s never ending, right?!?!

It wasn’t the things we typically think of — illness, accidents, personal loss.

This fear was quieter and harder to recognize.

On the surface, it actually looks very normal.

It was hard to spot because some people admired it. I was complimented for it.

It took on the face of hard work, attention to detail, and a servant's heart. I was the first guy to arrive and the last one to leave.

It looked like what we’re taught a good man should do and be.

And for years, I wore that mask without understanding the repercussion.

Then one day, a staff member boldly shared, “I don’t feel like you trust us.”

It caught me off guard. Really off guard.

I had a strong team. I loved them and believed in them.

“Why would you think that?” I asked. “I trust you completely.”

Her answer was simple.

“Because you work 90 hours a week. You start at 4 a.m. I get emails from you then… and again at night. Why would you work that hard if you trusted us?”

I fell silent. I didn’t argue. From her perspective, it made sense.

If I was always working, what did that communicate?

I asked her for some time so I could think about it.

Here’s what I discovered.

I did trust them.

But I was afraid.

NOT afraid they wouldn’t do their jobs. They were awesome!

I was afraid of how I would feel if I wasn’t the hardest worker in the room.

I was afraid of feeling that guilt.
Afraid of being seen arriving after someone else.
Afraid of leaving before them.
Afraid of asking them to do more than what I was carrying.

So I carried everything. Not because I had to.

Because the grueling work load felt better than the guilt of feeling like someone else was carrying more.

It wasn’t a lack of trust.

It was fear….and that realization was really uncomfortable.

The very thing I believed proved my commitment (and what I thought was my character)…was being driven by guilt and fear.

So I sat the team down and apologized.

I told them, “If it ever feels like I don’t trust you, that isn’t it. The truth is, I’m afraid of not doing enough for you while asking you to do more.”

It was humbling to say out loud, but it was honest.

Since then, I’ve started noticing how often fear hides behind the things we feel we’re expected to be.

We’re praised for long hours. Admired for exhaustion. We quietly question, and judge, people who rest or sit still.

But sometimes “working harder” isn’t excellence…at times, it’s FEAR behind a mask.

The next time you feel the need to prove yourself through more hours, more effort, more output…

Ask yourself:

Is this leadership? Or am I scared of something?

Am I the superhero...or the villain?

Remain encouraged,
Brian