The encouragement I focus on is designed to create a powerful internal shift within the person receiving it —

a personal transformation that begins the moment the words are spoken.

Is “encouragement” just about saying something  nice?

Simple, right? Just say things that make people feel good.
Not quite! There is so much more to it.

Let me explain what I’ve been studying about the art of encouragement and human behavior for over 30 years. 

Along the way, I’ve realized there are three kinds of people:

1. Those who freely encourage others.
2. Those who hesitate, but are willing to encourage others.
3. Those who are scared to death of it. (Key word: scared.Keep reading.)

Let’s be clear — the kind of encouragement I study, coach on, and write about isn’t about making people happy, nor is it about getting them to like me. Though that can happen (bonus).

The encouragement I focus on is designed to create a powerful internal shift within the person receiving it — a transformation that begins the moment the words are spoken.

What’s at the root of that transformation? Courage.

Let’s break the word down:

ENCOURAGEMENT
EN: to put into
COUR: heart

Essentially...To put heart into something — to give power, strength, and vitality.

Let me share a story.

Earlier this week I was at a volleyball game when I saw a teenage boy walk in with his dad. He was tall, proud, confident…yet seemingly, humble. My daughter had said something about him at home just days before. She simply noted how kind he was to her and to others at their school.

During a break in the game, I went and sat down beside him.

“Hey, I’m Brian,” I said as I shook his hand. “I wanted you to know what’s being said about you in our home. My daughter told me how kind you are to her and to everyone around you. Thank you for treating her so well. I’m really grateful for the leader your parents are raising. The world needs more of you.”

He smiled and responded quietly, “You’re welcome.”
His dad was listening. He looked proud. He should be.

It took around 60 seconds. My goal? To fill his heart. To strengthen him. To make him more powerful than he already was. Giving him more energy to do more of what he already was doing.

I realize, sharing with someone you don't know very well about something unique is a bit personal...and very atypical.

But what would have stopped me from making that approach…from sharing that encouragement I knew would only benefit him...and his parents...and 100's of other students...and his teachers...and his community?
Fear. The ABSENCE of courage within me.

Fear that he would think I was strange. Fear I would embarrass my own family. Fear I would be misunderstood. Fear I was inconveniencing his family: Interrupting their time, thinking, 'he just wants to watch the game. He might be about to leave. I don't want to keep them from their plans.'

The list I create in my mind goes on and on...because when fear wins, every result is the same. No courage present.

Taking no action is only one option.

There are also some that will do the opposite. They will tear others down through criticism, lies, gossip, or frustration — all in an attempt to make themselves feel more powerful. Essentially, “bullying.”

In those situations, the truth is: the bullies aren’t the most feared.  They’re the most scared.

Scared that someone else might have, achieve, or become something more than they are.

That fear breeds more negative emotion:

* “Their business or grades are only better because they had help.”
* “They go to dinner more because they have free childcare.”
* “They’re in better shape because they have more time.”

And the cycle goes on — envy, resentment, discouragement, anger, more fear..then a response.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy. It creates a vacuum.  And a vacuum will eventually be filled...with something...either positive or negative.

Just last month, I received an email from someone who’d stayed at Lone Oak for a family reunion a few years ago.

“Hi Brian,
I’ve been getting your blog links since our reunion and always enjoy what you have to say. One post made me think of a song I thought you’d enjoy. "Huntin' By Yourself by Luke Combs"   Give it a listen — I think it’ll make you smile.     — Geri”

So simple. So kind. So encouraging.

That one note filled my heart. It gave me courage to prepare for the 400 students and teachers I’ll be speaking to next week.

My encouragement to you.
When you feel empty, go outside. (Though tempting, stay off your phone.)

Just take a walk. Count your own blessings. 

Find it within yourself to encourage someone else. Anyone.

Because when you give courage…

it always finds its way back to you.

- Brian