10820---lone-oak-ranch

Connected and Lonely

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 22:06:25 GMT

Somehow, we live in the most “connected” time in human history...yet, it seems that loneliness keeps growing.

That title sounds like the header on a dating app. Never the less...

In a world with more connection than ever, I see a lot of loneliness....

At 27, I walked away from New York City and moved back to a farm in Kansas.
It was just a few weeks after 9/11.

To some, it looked like I was going backwards.
But at times, what's perceived as going backwards…thank God...is actually graduating forward.

That decision started a chapter of life I never could have scripted.
The next 25 years of...
• A 20-year marriage
• Four really enjoyable kids
• The honor to build so many deep & meaningful relationship
• The privilege (and challenge) of building businesses

And now at 51, I find myself in a season of reflection.

What value do I really bring? (Everyone will have their own answer to that question.)

Where is "real" value truly created?

But life has given me enough extraordinary highs and difficult lows to learn a few things along the way:
* People thrive on encouragement.
* Hard things are worth doing.
* Everyone has a gift worth sharing.
* Stories connect us all.
* We need someone genuine beside us.

Strangely enough, somehow, we live in the most “connected” time in human history...yet, it seems that loneliness keeps growing.

In a world that leans harder into AI, I wonder if we're risking losing the very thing that makes us human: Real connection.

That’s why experiences like "summer camp" move me so much.
They share the courage to trust, laugh, struggle, and grow.

This next chapter of my life is about helping others understand their gifts and strengths. Helping them to achieve balance and a deeper connection.

Do you see what I see?
A world scared to reveal, share, and live authentically. A world protecting itself through isolation, separation and the perception of power. Fearful we may not be in complete control...in every situation.

But the real power comes when we're at peace not being in control.

Lets talk.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

I Broke the Rules!

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 17:05:18 GMT

“Dad,” he said, “I felt like a celebrity… and it wasn’t because you gave your speech.”

I Broke the Rules of Public Speaking

They say that no matter how badly you want to, you should never change anything about your presentation within ten days of delivering it.

I gave in.

I just returned from a trip to San Antonio where I was asked to give a keynote to a group of summer camp and retreat professionals at their annual conference. Eli, our 11-year-old, came along. Not only did we get some quality time together, he also got to experience a little history: The Alamo, the River Walk, and more. Along the way he also encountered homelessness and some of the harder realities of life, things he rarely sees growing up in our small, fortunate community in Texas.

We believe experiences like that help a young person learn, grow, and hopefully serve others better as they get older.

Because of my years in the camp industry, I knew many of the camp owners and leaders attending the conference. Eli had the chance to meet several of them. I watched quietly as they struck up conversations with him.

I was proud as I witnessed him asking questions, listening carefully, responding thoughtfully, and making eye contact.

They complimented and encouraged him.

Being the only 11-year-old in a room of more than 300 professionals working in summer camp, he somehow felt right at home. His reaction to the attention made me laugh.

“Dad,” he said, “I felt like a celebrity… and it wasn’t because you gave your speech.”

That’s camp people for you. They thrive when given the opportunity to help young people grow.

When it was time for my keynote, my introduction changed the moment I stepped to the front of the room. I pointed out Eli sitting about halfway back on the left side of the room and shared something he had told me just before I walked up.

“Dad, these are the nicest people I’ve ever met.” But I felt the need to clarify what he really meant.

Eli used his words to say, “You are the nicest people on the planet.”
But what he was really describing was something deeper.

“I feel safe.”

Toward the end of my presentation, I shared a short story about one of my early interactions with Dick Eastland, longtime director of Camp Mystic. I was at a similar conference in my early twenties, unsure of my value and still trying to figure out where I fit in the industry.

He approached me, introduced himself, and spent a few minutes talking with me. I can’t remember a single word he said. But I clearly remember how he made me feel.

Safe. Valued. Motivated. And inspired to serve others to the best of my ability.

My encouragement to the room was simple: Do hard things to the best of your ability, but let go of the pursuit of perfection.

Because in the end, it’s not about the exact words you say. It’s about how you them feel: Safe. Motivated. Inspired. Valued.

I hope I leave people feeling that way more often than not. I know I don’t always get it right.

But I’m working hard to earn an “A for effort.”

Remain Encouraged,
Brian

What's the Value of Youth Sports?

Wed, 25 Feb 2026 14:48:14 GMT

Why do people do what they do?

For some, this may feel unsettling. For others, refreshing.

My goal is simple: Answer the question I’ve been fascinated by for decades: Why do people do what they do?

Why sit in the front row—or the back?
Why speak up—or stay silent?
Why engage—or spectate?
Why get angry—or remain calm?

If I can understand that, I feel I can better help someone save a marriage, build wealth, find meaningful work, or earn a diploma. And in the end, helping people improve their quality of life during our short time here is deeply gratifying.

My time with youth basketball goes back to 1994. I was hired by the Hays, Kansas Rec Commission to officiate Saturday morning games.

One morning, midway through the second quarter, I saw a red-faced father storming onto the court toward me. His son’s team was losing badly. I stepped in front of him. I wasn’t overly concerned. He was three times my age and didn’t appear to have made physical fitness a priority. Eventually, he was escorted out.

Later, I kept asking myself: Why was he so upset?

Fast forward to today. I’m coaching a group of sixth grade hoopsters. They practice hard. Some put in extra time, while others, not so much. We’ll finish the season with more losses than wins.

So why coach a losing team? Because in youth sports, points on a scoreboard don’t always measure the value of the experience.

What is a “loss,” really? Especially when you can’t control the strength of your competition, amount of practice time in each player's history, or maturity level in that moment. (Yes, some of our competitors have actually grown a mustache…my guys aren’t there yet.)

At the youth level, wins and losses are often outside of our control.

So what is in our control?

Effort. Attitude. Improvement. Practice hours. Relationships. Humility. Sportsmanship. Quality repetitions.

Yes, we want to score more points. But more importantly, we want to build a desire to improve. When we lose on Saturday and the boys show up Sunday ready to listen, work, and get better — that feels like a win.

That’s the purpose of youth sports.

And it translates far beyond the court.

As an adult, would you hire someone who only shows up to work when everything is going their way? Of course not. You want people who can get back in the ring when the chips are down.

So what does this have to do with Lone Oak?

We’re not just focused on outcomes. We’re focused on people.

We help create better humans — at home and at work. We want your time with us to be intentional, meaningful, and growth-oriented. Results matter. But character, resilience, and focus matter more. These things will deliver appropriate results over time.

Because when you build the right habits, the scoreboard tends to take care of itself.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Fear's Evil Mask

Thu, 19 Feb 2026 18:45:58 GMT

Then one day, a staff member boldly shared, “I don’t feel like you trust us.”

Over a decade ago, I discovered something else I was afraid of…It’s never ending, right?!?!

It wasn’t the things we typically think of — illness, accidents, personal loss.

This fear was quieter and harder to recognize.

On the surface, it actually looks very normal.

It was hard to spot because some people admired it. I was complimented for it.

It took on the face of hard work, attention to detail, and a servant's heart. I was the first guy to arrive and the last one to leave.

It looked like what we’re taught a good man should do and be.

And for years, I wore that mask without understanding the repercussion.

Then one day, a staff member boldly shared, “I don’t feel like you trust us.”

It caught me off guard. Really off guard.

I had a strong team. I loved them and believed in them.

“Why would you think that?” I asked. “I trust you completely.”

Her answer was simple.

“Because you work 90 hours a week. You start at 4 a.m. I get emails from you then… and again at night. Why would you work that hard if you trusted us?”

I fell silent. I didn’t argue. From her perspective, it made sense.

If I was always working, what did that communicate?

I asked her for some time so I could think about it.

Here’s what I discovered.

I did trust them.

But I was afraid.

NOT afraid they wouldn’t do their jobs. They were awesome!

I was afraid of how I would feel if I wasn’t the hardest worker in the room.

I was afraid of feeling that guilt.
Afraid of being seen arriving after someone else.
Afraid of leaving before them.
Afraid of asking them to do more than what I was carrying.

So I carried everything. Not because I had to.

Because the grueling work load felt better than the guilt of feeling like someone else was carrying more.

It wasn’t a lack of trust.

It was fear….and that realization was really uncomfortable.

The very thing I believed proved my commitment (and what I thought was my character)…was being driven by guilt and fear.

So I sat the team down and apologized.

I told them, “If it ever feels like I don’t trust you, that isn’t it. The truth is, I’m afraid of not doing enough for you while asking you to do more.”

It was humbling to say out loud, but it was honest.

Since then, I’ve started noticing how often fear hides behind the things we feel we’re expected to be.

We’re praised for long hours. Admired for exhaustion. We quietly question, and judge, people who rest or sit still.

But sometimes “working harder” isn’t excellence…at times, it’s FEAR behind a mask.

The next time you feel the need to prove yourself through more hours, more effort, more output…

Ask yourself:

Is this leadership? Or am I scared of something?

Am I the superhero...or the villain?

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Encouraging Offense

Wed, 11 Feb 2026 19:59:30 GMT

Their supervisor, operating with an irritated tone, doesn’t realize you can't scare someone into doing better work.

I notice it everywhere now. People…some on offense…yet so many on defense.

Parents, teachers, business owners, sales people, coaches, even friends, insecure about their own performance, snapping at staff, children, spouses, students, or players about missed expectations.

I’m sitting in a hotel lobby as I write this. A supervisor is correcting a front-desk employee for being nervous on the phone. What’s obvious to me is that the staff member already feels insecure. Their supervisor, operating with an irritated tone, doesn’t realize you can't scare someone into doing better work.

It’s sad. And I believe it's a growing epidemic.

So what exactly is happening?

When people feel unsafe , their breathing becomes quick and shallow.

When people feel safe , their breathing slows. Their thinking clears. They see options instead of threats. They communicate with confidence and creativity. When people exhale, they start becoming more of the person they’re capable of being.

We see this naturally in children. When kids feel safe, they share freely, play openly, and confidently explore the world without fear. (Don’t we all want this for all of our kids?)

Adults aren’t any different.

When we’re afraid…of getting punished, not measuring up, or being seen as “less”—we cannot show up as our best selves. It’s impossible to scare someone into their best self.

A good friend of mine feeds his cows every evening around five. We see him pass our house in his feed truck, moving slowly, never rushed. Sometimes he’s alone, sometimes his son rides along. There are no deadlines out there. No threats. No noise. Just pasture and peace.

It feels like one deep breath. And in that moment, he’s the best version of himself.

Think about your teenager who comes home from school and immediately “hides” in their room. Let’s try and understand—they’ve just spent eight hours surrounded by threats. Words from peers. Eye rolls. Grades. Tests. Comments from teachers, coaches, or friends—some of which intentionally (or unintentionally) press them onto defense.

Don’t we, adults, respond to constant threats the same way? A quiet house, locked doors, blinds pulled.

The other day, Eli, 11, told me how much he loves his teachers. I discovered, it wasn’t because of lessons, grades, candy or free time.

“They just love us so much,” he said. “I can tell them anything.”

He feels safe.

His teachers have removed the bears, disease and famine—the loud noises, threats, discouragement, judgement and flashing lights. They’ve created space for him to take risks, like raising his hand when he’s unsure. They’ve handed him the ball and trusted him to bring it down the court—even when all eyes are on him.

That’s why I work hard not to yell, threaten, or discourage. I know it will never lead to progress.

It’s why Lone Oak intentionally creates peace, quiet, and safety with our retreats, for our RV & hotel guests, and for field trip attendees.

I love the offense.

Encouragement isn’t passive.
It’s fuel.
It’s ignition.
It’s what gives people the courage to act.

I speak, write, and coach on this almost daily. I want to reduce threats and help more people live on the offense—at home, at work, and within themselves.

If your home, school, or organization feels like it’s stuck on defense, I’d love to help change that.

If there are more threats than courage where you live or lead, let’s talk. A more courageous world can start with a single conversation.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Defending Yourself in a World That's No Longer "that" Dangerous

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 19:42:34 GMT

We live in a world full of people defending their emotional security.

I kept thinking about Eli’s question from last week long after our cold walk was over.

“Why don’t you ever yell at us?”

At first, I thought about it as a parent.
The longer I sat with it, the more I realized it wasn’t just about parenting.

It was about living in a world that feels dangerous — not because of bears, famine, or disease — but because of threats we’ve created ourselves: noise, speed, comparison, pressure, comments, addiction, and the fear of being left out or falling behind.

When we feel the threat, stress appears...and people yell.

In just the last few months, these “threats” have crossed my mind:

My son is wearing hand-me-down football cleats.
Our daughter’s basketball shoes do not match the others.
A 17-year-old driving a car instead of a truck.
Our vacations aren’t as long, our vehicles are older, our bank account is smaller.

No wonder we go to bed exhausted.

Not because we’ve walked 18 miles, shoveled grain, or slept on the ground — but because we’ve created a world full of emotional enemies (many of them hidden) that make it feel like something is always chasing us.

My conclusion

For the most part, we’re physically safe.
Our environments are controlled: cars, offices, homes
Our basic needs are met.

Yet the emotional stress and fear we’ve manufactured have left us defending our peace and happiness.

We live in a world full of people defending their emotional security.

This instinct makes sense. Humans evolved to protect themselves from real danger. Millions of years ago, the world was dark, cold, and deadly. Predators lurked outside the cave. Hunger and famine were constant.

But now?

Food is everywhere.
Our doors lock.
Climate control is standard.

And still, we move through our days thinking, I’m defending my survival.

Consider the things we’ve created that now drive the leading causes of death in the United States:

Chronic stress
Processed diets
Sedentary lifestyles
Social isolation
Sleep deprivation

Bright lights. Loud noises. Fast food. Fast friends.
We absorb these “threats” daily — often by choice — then spend the rest of the day defending against them.

We feel under threat nearly every moment: sugar, weight, caffeine, alcohol, addiction, finances, conflict, aging. Even wrinkles, love handles, and thinning hair become battles.

Here’s the irony:
Most of these things… we’ve produced.

And now we’re exhausting ourselves trying to survive them.

But progress isn’t made on defense.

The ball moves down the court when we’re confident in where we are — secure in the gifts we’ve been given.

At the end of the day, why does it feel so good to sit down and do nothing?

Because you’re finally safe.
It’s quiet.
There are no threats.
You’re no longer defending.

And that’s the realization:
Most of us aren’t actually in danger at all.

Yet we live every day bracing for impact, guarding, protecting ourselves from things that can’t kill us — but can slowly exhaust us.

We weren’t designed to live on defense forever.

So get out of the danger zone.
Step off the hamster wheel.

Come see us at Lone Oak for a moment.
Stop. Breathe. Think. Enjoy.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Why Don’t You Ever Yell At Us?

Tue, 27 Jan 2026 14:48:10 GMT

The short answer to my 11 year old’s question isn’t because I have an extraordinary amount of patience. It’s because I’ve learned to see the moment in front of me for what it actually is.

We were 30 minutes into our frigid, ice-packed walk. The Saturday afternoon adventure took us by foot away from our house and down a quiet path toward our neighbor’s house in the country. Our goal: to Danny’s house and back. It was 2 p.m., dark, overcast, windy, and around 14 degrees. Our younger boys were begging, “Let’s see if we can do it!”

With the exception of a slightly raised, five-foot-wide crowned area in the middle of the road, our path was no longer visible. We were going to have to grit our teeth.

We were covered head to toe with layers of coats, hats, gloves, and overalls. Our eyes—squinting toward the blowing sleet—and the upper bridge of our noses were the only body parts exposed.

We arrived at the halfway, turn-around spot cold and ready to retreat. The wind had been blowing directly at our faces the first half of our adventure. Our fingers and toes stung, but we weren’t giving up on our quest. There was a determined joy—a can-do spirit—between us.

We knew once we turned around, we were home free. The wind and blowing sleet would be at our backs.

As we turned toward home, the tone changed from “this is completely miserable” to “this is SO fun.” Conversation increased. Laughter broke out. Jokes were shared. We were finally able to concentrate on more than just survival.

We had transitioned from DEFENSE to OFFENSE.

That’s when Eli asked out of the blue, “Why don’t you ever yell at us?”

I thought for a moment. It was an interesting question given the circumstance.

I rarely, if ever, yell—but it’s not because I have an extraordinary amount of patience. And I wondered why the question had come to his mind now.

I quickly responded, “Because I don’t think yelling does much good.”

Eli was silent, but I knew he needed more.

I continued.

“If you do something that frustrates me—and you do—it’s rarely something that will matter 30 minutes from that moment. Like when you decided to eat a bowl of cereal ten minutes before dinner. In the big picture, what difference did it really make?

I’d prefer to tell you why it wasn’t the healthiest decision, in hopes you make a different one next time. I don’t want to burn energy on something that isn’t that important, especially when I know you understand.”

Eli thought, then asked, “But what if it really matters? Like for a long time?”

I remembered how much I love when kids make us think.

“If you do something wrong that will matter long-term—like it still matters five years from now—what good will yelling at you today do? Even if it means you, me, or others have to suffer for a while because of your decision, is yelling going to make it better today? Probably not.”

He needed an example.

“Let’s say you decided to steal Danny’s truck last night and drove it through a fence. Yelling at you today isn’t going to make that issue go away. It’s not going to make you, me, or Danny feel any better—probably worse. It’s not going to change the wrecked truck or fence. We just need to apologize, find a way to fix everything, and make better decisions in the future. And fixing the situation will happen more quickly if we’re not mad at each other.”

I think he understood, but he fired back anyway. “So when would you yell at us?”

“If you were two years old, and we were standing at a busy street corner, and you broke free from holding my hand and ran into the street—then I would yell. I might have the ability to scare you into coming back to me.”

I don’t avoid yelling because I don’t feel frustration.

I avoid it because most moments don’t require scaring someone—they require clarity, thought and a relationship.

Yelling puts us on the defense.

A relationship puts us on the offense.

And life is better lived on the offense.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

Lean In...When The Day Chooses You

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 11:53:53 GMT

Just because it’s not part of the plan, maybe uncomfortable, or even a little painful, doesn’t mean it's wrong.

It all started with a phone call at 11:45 p.m. on a Saturday night.

Joe, our 18-year-old, was driving home from Dallas where he’d been visiting a “friend.” I’d been asleep since 10 when Jennifer shook my shoulder.

“Joe needs to talk to you.”

His car was acting strange, and he was worried that continuing to drive might cause serious damage, or worse yet, leave him stranded in a less-than-ideal place. I told him to pull over at the nearest safe exit. I’d meet up with him.

I pulled myself out of bed at midnight and proceeded to drive 35 minutes south into the dark unknown.

On the way, I got to think. Not about the problem, but why I wasn’t frustrated about my diverted plan to get some good rest that evening. I didn’t waste energy asking why this had to happen to me. My only feeling was how fortunate I was to get to help my son.

When I arrived, things weren’t as bad as they could have been. We limped the car home without incident. I was back in bed by 2 a.m., grateful, and not before Joe thanked me repeatedly for showing up.

At 4:45 a.m., my smartwatch buzzed. Time to get up.

I had promised Luke, our 13-year-old, I’d take him deer hunting that morning. Our ride would be there shortly, and I still needed warmer clothes, a quick bite, and to confirm licenses.

The next few hours were spent getting to our destination and setting up our equipment and position in a blind the size of a modest closet. It was cold and dark. I was anxious for Luke. He wanted this, badly. But I knew the reality was that we may walk away with nothing to show.

By noon, we were heading home with a beautiful eight-point buck…Luke’s biggest yet. He was beaming, expressing his gratitude over and over again with hugs and smiles. I knew he appreciated both my help, and our neighbor who opted to be our guide.

We made it home for a late lunch with our family. As we sat at the table, football played in the background as we retold the night’s car trouble and the morning’s hunt.

By 5 p.m., I was on my way to coach Eli’s basketball practice. He’s 11, and we recently extended practice from one hour to two. The extra reps are paying off. We also normally stay late so he can improve specific skills.

That evening, and after practice, more kids filtered into the house. Friends of our oldest kids, all hungry and rummaging through the fridge and pantry. I squeezed in a shower, and sat down to prepare my schedule for Monday and the week.

As I leaned back in a recliner, I reflected on the day and asked myself a surprising question:

Why wasn’t I exhausted?

I’d slept only a few hours. Diagnosed a car issue at midnight. Sat in a cold deer stand at dawn. Coached a group of 11 year olds on a full court press. I had “shown up” all day, yet I still had some energy.

I believe this to be the case: God doesn’t place us in spaces He doesn’t intend us to be. There’s peace in that truth. And when we accept it, emotional stress, frustration and “second-guessing” lose the upper hand.

Just because it’s not part of the plan, maybe uncomfortable, or perhaps even a little painful, doesn’t mean it's wrong.

So much energy is burned worrying about what ifs .

Instead, ask yourself: Is this true? Is it helpful? Is it just? Does it serve the people around me well? Is there a healthy lesson to take away?

Do I feel gratitude—even awe—while doing it?

If the answer is yes, lean in.

Late that night, and after explaining my day to one of Joe’s friends, he asked me, “Aren’t you tired?”

I responded, “Strangely enough, not really.”

I looked around and saw kids who were safe and healthy. I know others that are facing far heavier challenges…and ones they never asked for. Even then, those paths are not accidental.

The next time you find yourself in a frustrating or demanding situation, consider this: maybe this is exactly where you’re meant to be right now.

Take a breath. Lean in. Remain encouraged,

Brian

"To Be (seen) or Not To Be (seen). That is the Question." - Hamlet

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 02:32:41 GMT

Deep down, we want to know we matter…that we play a meaningful role in the world.

We all want to be noticed.
To feel important, valuable, and visible.

Deep down, we want to know we matter…that we play a meaningful role in the world. To know our presence leaves even a small, positive mark in any situation.

Some people will claim they don’t care about those things. That it doesn’t matter to them.

I’m not convinced. They may not want their picture all over social media, but we all want to know we are contributing.

However, we all encounter people who seem unwilling to contribute anything at all. You know the type. No offer to help. No encouragement. No conversation. They simply exist—and somehow manage to drain the room of healthy energy while doing it.

A friend recently told me a story that illustrates this perfectly. He spent an afternoon replacing warped and decayed siding on his neighbor’s house. He’s the kind of guy who genuinely enjoys helping—especially when it involves tools and improving someone else’s home.

For four hours, he measured, cut, nailed, and adjusted until the job was done. And the entire time, another able-bodied neighbor sat a few yards away in a lawn chair and watched. No offer to grab a hammer. No extra set of hands. Not a word of encouragement.

My friend wasn’t looking for applause. But help, or at least acknowledgment, would have been appreciated. His irritated summary said it all: “He was a waste of oxygen the entire time.”

Contrast that with a moment I experienced at a ballgame last week. As we waited for my son’s tipoff, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I just want you to know I really look forward to your Thursday articles.”

That single sentence mattered more than she probably realized. We talked briefly about her family, her kids, and the challenges they’re facing with aging parents. In just a few minutes, she created real value for me…just by saying something.

A short time later, a little girl—maybe four or five—stumbled on the steps next to me and kicked over a trash bucket. Not dry paper trash. Ballgame trash. Hot dogs, chili, soda, napkins—the full mess.

I picked up the bucket and started cleaning it up while she smiled at me and went back to her Ring Pop. Fifteen minutes later, a friend walking by joked about my “trash pickup duty.” It was her way of saying, I saw that. Thank you. It mattered.

Here’s the point.

You don’t have to do home improvement projects for a neighbor to create value.

With that said, the smallest, simplest gestures matter deeply.
“It looks great.”
“You’re always helping others.”
“I appreciate you and what you did.”

And if you can’t find the words…for the love of Pete, grab a hammer!

Small moments matter. Encouragement matters. Being seen is what we’re all after.

The person sitting next to you needs you—whether you know them or not.

It’s free and takes less than 6 seconds…but it does take some courage.

And if you’re not a “words of affirmation” person? That’s fine.
The person you’re about to encourage may very well be.

I hope this reminder is helpful.

Our goal is to provide as many of these opportunities for our guests at Lone Oak as possible.

Remain Encouraged,
Brian

Living The Life You Want

Thu, 08 Jan 2026 12:35:40 GMT

Truth be told, the person that's most challenging to get meaningful time with...is my wife.

A few months ago, a coaching client asked me how I organize my days and weeks.

He specifically asked, "How do you make time each week for the people that matter most to you?”

My reply, “My to-do list comes from a “ weekly goal sheet. ”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Every week, I create targets I need to hit. My wife’s name, and each of my kids’, are listed on that sheet. If they’re not,” I replied, “I can go weeks, even months, without having a truly meaningful experience with one or more of the people that matter most to me. My goal is to have 4 meaningful experiences with each of them each week . I check them on my sheet when they happen.”

To be clear, these aren't grand gestures, vacations, "special events" or experiences, but simple ones. A conversation while shooting free throws. A quiet drive to school where something real is shared. A walk with the dogs down a quiet road. An influential conversation at breakfast. It has to mean that our relationship has improved.

That list forces me to be intentional.

It’s easier with our younger boys. They’re home more. Fewer activities. Less technology. But as kids grow, their worlds expand—cars, friends, sports, responsibilities. Pinning them down for meaningful time takes more intention and effort.

I know it sounds robotic. But if my aim is to be an engaged dad, and leader, this sheet holds me accountable. I do the same with our key leaders at Lone Oak. Without intention, weeks can pass without any real engagement.

Truth be told, the person that's most challenging to get meaningful time with...is my wife.

I’m not talking about the hundreds of logistical conversations we have each week. I’m talking about the deeper moments we need to continue growing together. I’m not proud of that reality, but I get it.

We manage a lot. She’s also very independent and relatively needless. And at the end of a long and tiring day, she’s the easiest to postpone.

The kids are growing into independence, but they still depend on us. Making time for her is one of my focal points this year.

Adding to the challenge, we live in a world that's void of meaningful experiences. Much of our world operates in a desperate vacuum. Money is usually used to counteract that vacuum. So we spend a lot of money chasing a false sense of balance.

The hamster runs faster and faster to reach the water dish, exhausted, never realizing the water is just a few steps off the wheel. It doesn’t need more effort. It needs intention.

It’s not about trying harder.
It’s about trying smarter.

Lone Oak is a place where meaningful things actually happen. There’s less distraction. No bright lights, bells, whistles, sugar rushes, or constant adrenaline.

Just slow walks. Squirrels playing. Animals to pet. Fish to catch. Or laughing at your dad trying to play pickleball.

Then sitting quietly on a bench in The Grove as the sun goes down.

Take a breath this new year.
Come find peace.

Be intentional about creating meaningful experiences with the people you love—
in ways you thought were extinct.

And watch how many challenges quietly fade.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Cooper Flagg and Exceeding Expectations

Fri, 02 Jan 2026 13:21:22 GMT

“ Leave space for grace.”

In the months leading up to Christmas, my 11-year-old made his gift request unmistakably clear. Repeatedly. Strategically. Persistently.

He wanted a Cooper Flagg, Dallas Mavericks jersey .

While he was busy jockeying for position on his Christmas wish list…and, quite frankly, largely missing the reason for the season , I noticed the same record playing everywhere. Walking through Walmart, kids negotiated, pleaded, and campaigned for very specific treasures and requests. Desire filled the aisles, and their expectations were high.

Fast-forward to Christmas morning.

Eli woke up early and discovered that his wish had been granted. Dallas Mavericks. Number 32. Correct name. Correct color. Correct size. And it fit.

A Christmas miracle. And further proof of Jennifer’s remarkable ability to quietly manage an entire production without anyone noticing until the curtain rises.

Expectations exceeded. Everyone happy.

The holidays are a unique stretch of the year. A concentrated period where we bring together family and friends...mixed and traditional...with wildly different opinions, histories, temperaments, patience and tolerance levels…for longer-than-normal periods of time…in closer-than-ideal quarters...and having eaten larger than average portions of food we don't normally consume.

(Enter: Dr. Gastroenterologist - Who decided major holidays should occur during the coldest, most indoor months?)

We gather millions of people with deeply rooted expectations and random traditions. We eat food we rarely eat. Talk about things we don’t normally talk about. And do it all in the same living room.

Every year, the same debates resurface (none of us are that far off from Clark W. Griswald's group):

Open one gift at a time (Aunt Margaret yells over a hottie-tottie, “So everyone can see what everyone gets!”) or all at once (the equivalent of World War III with small children)?
Will we subject ourselves to this on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning?
Are we getting gifts for everyone or just the kids & grand-kids?
Which side of the family do we visit first?
Turkey and dressing or chicken noodle soup?
Fine china or paper plates?
Sit and visit all day, play football, or take a walk?

The list of expectations is endless. And because these traditions are so deeply embedded, changing even one can feel like an act of war.

So what happens when the Cooper Flagg jersey is non-existent, but something more relevant (I know it's hard to believe) like an actual basketball, or, God-forbid, a pair of socks was sitting under the tree?

What is our response when expectations are inevitably not met...with our spouse, family, friends, community, co-workers, employer, or within ourselves?

As we head into 2026 with fresh energy, my encouragement is simple:

“ Leave space for grace.”

Maybe our own expectations should take a backseat. Maybe others are doing as much, and as good, as they can. Maybe there’s something more going on that prevents the jersey from being purchased, the 20 lb turkey from being cooked or "the kids" from visiting us first.

In the grand scheme…

The chickens, turkeys, or Cooper Flagg won’t mind. Your meal nutrients will be the same regardless of what plate it’s served on. The kids will get some gifts. The grandparents will survive. Take the walk. Play the game. Sit and visit. Do it all—but breathe through the process.

And spoken from someone who feels overly responsible to accomplish every new goal by January 8th: You’ve got time, dude!

An entire year, in fact. Rome wasn’t built in a day…a month…or even a year (In fact, it took about 1000 years).

Set a slightly new trajectory.
Show grace to the people around you.
And know this: you’re not behind.

You’re actually ahead if you’ve made it this far in this article.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Will the Cows Moo Back?

Tue, 23 Dec 2025 14:04:19 GMT

I was so focused on working to control the day ...I'd lost the ability to live in it.

This past Saturday afternoon, the clouds disappeared, the sun came out, and the wind settled. A beautiful day. Luke, my 13-year-old, and I found ourselves walking the quiet, moderately paved road next to our home.

Most of the family was inside watching football, baking or napping. His youngest brother was at Six Flags with a friend.

The first couple of miles were fun. Easy and simple conversation. A neighbor rolled up beside us in his white Chevy with their young boys, windows down. We shared a quick, cheerful hello.

We "mooed" at the cows in the pasture wondering if we could get them to moo back. We laughed when they just stared at us. Luke explained what kind of cows they were and shared a few facts he’d learned from Mr. Keith in Ag class. We talked about school, his basketball team, and the last few days of the semester.

Around mile two and a half, the conversation slowed. It got quiet. My mind wandered…not in a peaceful way, but in a responsible, adult way.

Instead of enjoying the sun, the walk, or my son beside me, my thoughts jumped to the holiday week ahead. Travel plans. Oil changes. Dogs. Schedules. Events at Lone Oak. Then, inevitably, Christmas.

What did we get each kid? Would they like it? Would they use it? Too much? Too little?

I thought about the life we've created for our kids. Not in a positive way...should we be doing more for them. Traveling, seeing, doing. Finding more opportunities they can experience to "get them ahead" in the life they'll choose to live.

I looked at Luke and asked, “Do you ever feel like you’ve gone without?”

He looked back a little puzzled by my question, “Without what?”

I tried to explain, but I struggled with an explanation, “Your brother is at Six Flags for the first time. He's 11. You’ve never been. Some time I feel like we've not given you enough. Do you think you’ve gone ‘without?’”

He paused. I could tell he was thinking about the variety of avenues this could take. It was a difficult concept for someone his age. Then he said something I won’t forget:

“Well, won't we always be without something . We can always do, or have, more, right? Another trip to the beach. Another night in a cabin in the mountains. Another bike. Another car. It’s endless. You can always have more.”

He was right.

So he allowed me some encouragement.

Yes, my kids have gone without. We could always buy more. Bigger gifts. Longer vacations. Travel farther (or at all). Spend more.

But the idea of “I’ll never let our kids go without" has no finish line. There will always be another comparison, another opportunity, another upgrade waiting just beyond what we’ve already done.

Somewhere along that walk, I had drifted away from what this week, and this season, is actually about. My gratitude for an understanding spouse. The fact that my kids are healthy. That my legs and lungs work. That my neighbors are kind. That my 13 year old son still chooses to walk and talk with me. That we live on a quiet road. That we have generous grandparents. That the sun was warm. And yes, that this season begins with the birth of Jesus (how easily we forget).

None of that was present in my moment of quiet, internal concern—what I’d call social media despair .

I was so focused on working to control the day ...I'd lost the ability to live in it.

And maybe that’s the real question this week.

As billions of dollars are spent on gifts, food, fuel, and cards, perhaps the better measure isn’t whether we bought enough presents—but rather, whether those around us will get enough of us . Our attention. Our presence. Our gratitude. Because long after the gifts are forgotten (on average 24-48 hours post opening), those other moments still matter.

...like "the time we tried to make the cows moo back."

Those moments might actually be the reason our kids never feel as if they went without.

Remain Encouraged!

Merry Christmas from everyone at Lone Oak!

Brian

The Fear of Feeling

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 19:21:54 GMT

Why do we avoid knowing where we might be able to improve?

A few weeks ago, a group from Madrid, Spain, held a retreat at Lone Oak. As their time came to an end, they seemed genuinely happy with the experience.

I had the chance to say goodbye, share a few laughs, exchange hugs, and receive both extraordinarily kind words and thoughtful feedback about what they’d like to see improved when they return in a few months.

I listened, took notes and scheduled a meeting with our event coordinator to put a plan in motion toward their next experience.

Later that day, I sat down to write one final email to them. I simply wanted to say thank you for trusting us with their experience, and to leave the door open for any additional feedback they might want to share.

Before pressing “send,” I hesitated. I knew what I was doing…..I was inviting honesty.

Sure, it would feel great to hear that everything was perfect and nothing needed to be improved, but that’s rarely true, and it’s never helped us grow. Genuine improvement doesn’t come from feeling good; it comes from understanding clearly.

Before hitting send, I reread the email and added one final line:

“Our goal is to consistently share noticeable improvements with the people around us.”

Given the choice between a false sense of comfort and the courage to face what’s real, I’ll choose real every time.

After sending the email, I leaned back in my chair and found myself resonating on a question:

Why do we avoid knowing where we might be able to improve?

I thought about a few situations where this might be most obvious:

Have you ever avoided looking into a full-length mirror or side-stepped the bathroom scale because you were afraid of what it might share with you?

Have you ever delayed opening your banking app because you suspected the balance might not be what you wanted it to be?

Have you ever silenced a call, locked a door, or turned off the lights to avoid an uncomfortable conversation with a neighbor, a family member, or someone you work with?

If I’m being honest with myself about most of these: Yes. Yes. And Yes.

And when I look closer, I realize I wasn’t avoiding the scale, the app or the conversation.

I was avoiding how I might feel once I knew the truth.

Even though we all understand that the first step toward improvement is simply recognizing something needs to improve, the fear of feeling often prevents us from ever taking that first step.

As I’ve shared in 100’s of presentations, we avoid what we think might hurt.

It’s taken some time (and just learning how to be ok with the initial sting), but I’ve come to understand the value of knowing.

After every guest experience at Lone Oak, we take time to reflect:

* Who/how did we impact, directly or indirectly?
* Was our impact positive and meaningful?
* Did the experience flow?
* Were our interactions transactional or relational?
* Where could we have been more present, more engaged, more attentive?
* Are we avoiding anything?

When was the last time you took 60 seconds at the end of your day to reflect on what you just lived?

Ask yourself:
If I hadn’t existed today, would anyone or anything be better, worse, or different?

Or…

What might I be avoiding?

As we move through this holiday season, I want to encourage you to, honestly, look at the things you might be avoiding for fear of the answer.

I’m not much of a “New Year’s resolution” guy. I’m more of an “intention” guy.

Few meaningful priorities are resolved in short order: Health. Relationships. Healing.

The things that matter most don’t change overnight. But they CAN change when we stop running from what we’re afraid to feel…and face that specific reality.

If your intention is to improve, you’re willing to lean into your situation, and you’re brave enough to sit with the discomfort just for a moment…

A few months from now, you won’t just feel better…you’ll be better.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

You Won't Always Have the Answer

Thu, 11 Dec 2025 15:43:54 GMT

Then I took a breath and thought…
Maybe I’m not the best person to answer those questions.

So What Do I Do When I Don't Have An Answer?

Life can feel like a pressure-cooker when we rely on ourselves for all the answers.

At work, church, home, and in interactions with parents, kids, coworkers, in-laws or the teams we lead, the pressure is like an invisible weight. Fear creeps in. Our thoughts and actions take shape before we even realize it. And the stress mounts.

“If I don’t give my son the next best piece of advice, his future could take a wrong turn.”
“I’d better find the perfect strategy at work, or we won’t hit that goal.”
“This one answer needs to be spot-on, or ‘it’ won’t be good.”

Last week I came across a podcast from The Catholic Gentleman entitled, “The #1 Way You Can Ensure Your Child Is a Success.” Solid hook, right?

My first reaction: “Dang… What the heck is it? Are my kids at risk? I can’t NOT know this.”

The thought stuck with me. Then I realized how many similar messages I’d seen lately:

Three quickest ways to lose the last 10 pounds.
Two proven ways to improve your marriage overnight.
Five processes to 10x your business in one month.

Everyone seems to have “ the” answer—usually packaged in five steps or less.

But the truth?
There is no single best answer for everyone. We’re all wired differently.

Make no mistake, I enjoy The Catholic Gentleman . John and Devin consistently share healthy, practical truth and wisdom. (That specific podcast’s conclusion, per many studies cited: the strongest predictor of a child’s long-term success is an engaged male role model in their daily life. )

But even that truth comes with a thousand variations in how it can be lived out.

Even so, after hearing them explain the data, I felt the pressure rising again. I found myself wondering:

Am I engaged enough?
Am I having the right conversations?
Do I ask the right questions? Push hard enough or too hard?
Am I distracted? Not in tune?

Then I took a breath and thought…
Maybe I’m not the best person to answer those questions.

So I caught our senior, Joe, between a bowl of cereal, two bananas, and a mountain of yogurt slightly smaller than a volleyball.

I asked, “Do you feel like I’m engaged as a dad every day? I mean, am I doing a reasonable job?”

His response:
“Isn’t that what you’re doing right now? Ya, dad, you’re engaged.”
And then, as he walked out:
“No complaints here.” Followed by a smile.

Maybe we start there—a deep breath and a brave admission:

I’ll never have all the right answers. So why not ask the people we’re trying to serve?

How am I doing?
What could I be doing differently?
Am I clear when I communicate?
Do I seem engaged?
What do you need from me?

And then do something wild and rare: Listen.

Don’t correct. Don’t defend. Just listen.

They’ll feel seen.
You’ll gain clarity.
And the answers you’ve been pressuring yourself to produce may just reveal themselves.

Be brave.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

Be Brave. Be Different. Stay Curious

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 22:12:58 GMT

Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped exploring.

Yet some people still find a way to run in the fields.

When we were young, life felt like an open field. We could run in any direction — from gopher mounds to streams, trees and grassy hills. We would travel by ourselves, in groups, on bikes, scooters, motorcycles or on foot. Everything was new. Everything was worth trying. Exploration wasn't a hobby; it was our job.

As we grew older, we transitioned from open fields to one highway. Forward only. Fewer turns (with the exceptional hill, valley or hair-pin curve). More expectations. More stress. More responsibility.

We still see the fields on both sides of us, but now they sit behind ditches filled with duties, stress, and other people watching our route with kids, jobs, bills, bosses, budgets, and in general, “being an adult.”

The message feels clear: Stay between the white lines and keep moving forward.

Somewhere along the way, many of us stopped exploring.

Yet some people still find a way to run in the fields.

The technology director at my kids’ school, a good friend of mine, has taught me something valuable through his example. His responsibilities are across the board: confirming the internet is flowing, security systems are monitored, phone systems connected, and laptops running. He is also our lead photographer for nearly every school event...a hobby he enjoys.

He’s intelligent, experienced, able-bodied, social, confident, secure and presents a plethora of skills and abilities. He’s capable of doing about anything.

But something about how he operates strikes me as unique..

I see him traveling down the “adult highway” WHILE he spends good time running through open fields.

He walks briskly from project to project. He waves and smiles at people , consistently, when he’s working and walking and doing. He’s the guy that holds the door open for every student AND every adult when they arrive and leave activities. He doesn’t appear to be worrying himself with questions like…

“Am I in the right place?”

“Should I be making more money somewhere else?”

“I’m too important/busy to be doing …(fill in the blank).”

But WHY?

Humility.
Security.
Desire.
...and it’s rare.

He takes action regarding the opportunities to create real value in the moment. H e’s not torn over whether or not he’s in education, marketing, corporate IT, sales, or customer service. He sees an opportunity to help, and he takes it. Then on to the next one. It seems he approaches every job, task and relationship to serve in any capacity . Yes, to " accomplish, " but more so, to do what he can to help.

He plays out a quote from Henry Thurman as well as anyone I know, “Don’t ask what the world needs of you. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

He sees opportunities to help and steps toward them. No fear of being viewed as "above or below" any job, and unconcerned about levels of reimbursement or notoriety.

Many of us spend so much time worrying about being on the “right” path that we never step sideways…or even look up. We fear appearing inexperienced, losing progress, doing something beneath us, climbing some "ladder," or not being compensated the way we “should.” Because of that fear, the people around us miss out on the impact we could be making in them.

My “thing” is encouragement — growing people, clarifying gifts, helping others discover, and rediscover, their strength and courage. When I step into that, it feels like I’m back in the open field again. It’s invigorating. It’s freeing. It feels exactly like what I was created to do.

I want that for everyone.

Trying something new doesn’t always require risk. It doesn’t mean abandoning responsibility. It simply means noticing the field beside you and taking one step toward it.

A small step.
A curious step.
A brave step.

It can look something like:

• opening the door for every student, young and old, after a pep rally
• sitting next to someone you don’t know
• writing the first two pages of your book
• spending $250 to build your first website
• asking your parents the question you’ve never asked
• planning the hunting trip with your 2 youngest boys and following through
• taking a walk outside even when it’s 40 degrees

Any movement counts. Forward, sideways, backward — it will wake up the part of you that remembers the open field.

You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Remain Encouraged
Brian

Paper Plates or Fine China?

Tue, 25 Nov 2025 11:43:27 GMT

Show Grace.

"Grace is the bridge that spans two pieces of land—often while the water rages beneath."

Many of you know that I grew up on a farm in Kansas. We called it a farm because that’s what my dad did… he farmed. He wasn’t a rancher. So I didn’t grow up on a ranch. It was a farm. And he was a farmer.

Even though he owned hundreds of cows—in pastures and feedlots, in pens and in barns—it was still a farm. He worked the ground, grew the crops, and fed the cows every morning and every night.

He didn’t wear a cowboy hat. He wore a ballcap, usually advertising a co-op or seed company. His wardrobe wasn’t starched white shirts—it was plaid, long-sleeved, cotton shirts, always untucked. His jeans were greasy and dirty from repairing his own machinery, held up by a thin leather belt with his infamous pliers holder attached.

In Kansas, that pliers holder is like a holster and six-shooter on John Wayne. It’s both a tool and a badge of honor, announcing, “I’m a working man.”

The pliers (dirty or clean) provided value in nearly every situation: tightening a bolt in the middle of a field 25 miles from nowhere; pulling a stubborn weed from a fenceline; loosening a piece of wire on a livestock gate; even pulling a tab off a soda can or yanking the tag off a new pair of Levi’s.

He wore work boots for safety and comfort. To my knowledge, he’s never owned a pair of cowboy boots. He never had a 4 door, Ford F-350 with a polished aluminum stock trailer.

He drove a used, single-cab pickup for most of my life and until a few years ago, when he “upgraded” to a used, dual-cab truck. It pulls an older cattle trailer with a permanent layer of evidence from its past passengers slung down the sides.

People in that part of Kansas are simple, friendly, and hard-working. I remember working 16 hours on my 16th birthday. They’ll drop anything to help a neighbor, yet rarely ask for help themselves—part pride (“I got it”) and part understanding that everyone else is just as busy. They’ll always find a way.

It was a beautiful and healthy way to grow up.

Fast-forward 15 years from the day I left that farm. I met a girl at a birthday party, and we started dating.

A few months later, a Thanksgiving holiday, and I found myself at her parents’ home.

There were no flies or dirty roads. No dust. No cattle wandering around a few feet from the front door.

There weren’t piles of hunting clothes or muddy work boots by the garage door.

The house was in town. I remember stepping out of the car the first time and hearing the soft movement of treetops in a light breeze— not the western Kansas, 40-mph, all-directions-all-the-time wind I grew up with.

Inside, the dinner table was organized and decorated. Candles were lit. Napkins—individual ones, not a pile in the middle of the table along with multiple forks and real glasses. There were small and large plates (one of which, I later learned, wasn’t actually a plate but a decorative “charger”) at EVERY place setting.

Everyone wore nice clothes—no grease stains, no grass stains. No messy hair from hours of pheasant hunting in 20 degree, snowy, overcast mornings.

It was quiet. You could hear yourself think.

There was turkey, dressing, gravy, salads, and more than one beverage option. Even today, I still look around for the big, steel bowl of chicken-and-noodles with paper bowls and plastic forks I remember so well from my childhood. Nowhere in sight.

So this week, as we gather with family, friends, in-laws, ex-laws, little kids, big kids, loud folks, quiet folks, religious and not-so-much… remember: they’re all human.

They’re not wrong. Just different.

They grew up differently. They have different passions, missions, histories, fears, relationships, incomes, stages of life, professional journeys, marriages, and parenting experiences.

Show Grace. "Grace is the bridge that spans two pieces of land—often while the water rages beneath."

When much is given, much will be received.

Make the most of this time. Ask questions and listen. Be patient.

Let Uncle Rob take 30 minutes to tell a 3-minute story—that’s how he needs to tell it.

Remain encouraged and Happy Thanksgiving.

—Brian

Big Hearts Rarely Change

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 20:29:42 GMT

Jeff stopped me mid-sentence and said, “I’m going to share something you told me 30 years ago.”

Earlier this week I got a message from an old friend and former college roommate. We’d been teammates on the University of Kansas water ski team. He lives in Chicago now with his wife and three daughters.

I hadn’t seen him since my wedding—over 20 years ago. Back then he and his now-wife were just dating and had no kids. He was coming to Dallas on business and asked if we could catch up before his meetings.

I was really close to him during graduate school, so I was excited to see him. But I wondered what it would be like after 30 years…so much time, and after everyone has scattered, changed, built their own lives. It left me wondering: What will he look like? What has he been doing? How has he grown and matured—or not?

But from the moment he arrived, it was as if no time had passed. He looked almost exactly the same, aside from a few gray hairs (He claimed they were courtesy of his three daughters). He kindly shared similar comments about me.

We spent the afternoon eating BBQ at a local restaurant, showing off our small Texas town, and driving through Lone Oak—where he insisted on a selfie with El Chapo. We talked about old ski tournaments, former roommates and teammates, faith, family, work, finances, the future… and how our younger decisions shaped who we’ve become. It was an afternoon well spent.

Truly trustworthy friends are rare. Jeff has never been one to judge. He cares about meaningful relationships and wants people to feel good about where they are in life—failures and successes included. At one point, I mentioned the number of failures I feel I’ve had to work through to get where I am. I must have said it in a way that sounded like regret.

Jeff stopped me mid-sentence and said, “I’m going to share something you told me 30 years ago.”
I had no idea what he was about to say.

“We’re always making the best decisions we know how to make with the information we have at the time.”

Immediately, I thought of my dad. (My siblings reading this are thinking the same thing.) It was one of his go-to lines. He probably shared it with me for the first time when I was around 10.

What struck me wasn’t just that Jeff remembered something I said decades ago—it was his ability to pull meaningful moments forward and use them to encourage. That’s a gift.

Make no mistake—Jeff isn't perfect..but he has done well in life. He has a beautiful marriage with children..and semi-retired at 50. He’s charismatic, hardworking and driven. But he’s also the same guy I knew 30 years ago. His desire to help people live to their fullest capability is rare.

If he had a life motto, it would be:

No failures — everything had to happen for you to get to this space.
No regrets — make the best decision you can with the information you have today.

Try living like that. Life feels lighter.

As my family and I sat at dinner last night, I kept thinking about our time together. Jeff is still authentic, driven, encouraging, and committed to helping others live every day like it might be their last.

Hearts rarely change.

Here’s to old friends who never really grow old.

Remain Encouraged,
Brian

The Morning I Wore My Poopy Pants (but only for a moment)

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 21:58:32 GMT

Conviction has a way of rearranging our priorities.

It was early Monday morning, still cold and dark outside, when I pulled up to the Lone Oak office.

Jennifer wasn’t scheduled to work, which meant I was going to “get ahead” of the week—two presentations, a blog post, and a letter to residents sat at the top of my list. It was the kind of day that feels productive before it even begins.

But before anything else, I had one goal in mind: light the wood-burning stove.

There’s something sacred about that morning ritual—the natural heat, a quiet crackle, the hot flames warming the room. I wanted our team to walk in a few hours later and feel welcomed by warmth and intention.

By 7:30, I was deep into writing when I stepped outside to grab another log from under the covered boardwalk. I dropped it on the glowing coals, dusted off my hands, and sat back down.

That’s when my phone chimed.

It was a text from a friend—a mom whose son had attended our summer camp for over a decade. I hadn’t heard from her in a while.

“Hi Brian, hope you’re doing well. Steve (name changed) is needing a sanctuary today. His first thought was Lone Oak. Would it be okay if he came out?”

I wish I could say my first thought was noble and generous. It wasn’t.

My brain went straight to the to-do list. The schedule. The goals I’d gotten up early to conquer. This wasn’t part of the plan.

(Side note: My friend, Victoria, and I have a term for people who sit too long in self-pity— Poopy Pants.

Let’s just say…I was wearing mine proudly in that moment.)

Then came the quiet nudge—the kind that doesn’t shout but still pushes you toward a direction change.

What are you really here for, Brian? Where do you bring real value? If you can’t offer a quiet place to someone in need, what are you even doing?

Conviction has a way of rearranging our priorities.

I texted back:

“You’re always welcome. It’s a beautiful, sunny day. I’ve got a few meetings, but I’ll make some time.”

A few hours later, Steve arrived. We grabbed my dog and headed down one of the wooded, hiking trails. He talked about life, stress, and faith. I asked a few questions and just listened.

When I first met Steve, he was eight years old, playing trumpet at flag raising. Now he’s grown—navigating life and looking for the same peace he once found here as a young boy.

He didn’t need advice that morning. He just needed space—some quiet—and someone to listen.

After our 30-minute walk, he left me for a familiar, quiet space at the ranch to read and write.
This gave me time to finish my projects.

Funny thing—when we stay focused on what matters, the work always finds a way of getting done.

Before lunch, he stopped by my office, shared a “thank you,” gave me a hug, and went on his way.

But my day wasn’t full because of the completed list. It was full because there was meaning and personal value added.

So the next time your list feels heavy, and your plans feel sacred…look up.

There might be someone across the room who needs you more than your schedule does.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

What Are You Afraid Of?

Thu, 06 Nov 2025 19:25:06 GMT

As I shared with the students, fear sits at the root of many of our decisions. When we move through it, we discover freedom. Fearless choices open the door to living fully alive.

Last week, I walked into a high school gymnasium to give a talk about how to move from “fear to bravery in your everyday life.” My instructions were simple enough: deliver the same encouraging presentation four times—one for each group of students, from Kindergarten through 12th grade.

It’s not easy giving the same talk four times while keeping your energy and engagement high. Five-year-olds and seventeen-year-olds hear things differently, and I wanted to connect with each group.

I arrived a little early. It was a windy fall morning, and the gym was cool—the kind of cool that makes you look at a fellow Texan and say, “You could hang meat in here.” Hard, black plastic bleachers were pulled out from the wall. I kept my jacket on until just before I began.

Each session required its own delivery. I adjusted my tone, body language, and stories depending on who sat in front of me. By the fourth group, I was warm, probably even sweating a little (too much detail?).

Then the high schoolers filed in—sophomores, juniors, and seniors. I could tell they were cold. I glanced at my jacket lying on the bottom row. Out of respect, I thought about offering it to someone. It felt a little awkward, but with the temperature of the room, I felt obliged. It was cold, I didn’t need it, and these students were about my kids’ age—two of whom were in the room.

So, before I began, I asked, “It’s cool in here. I’m not wearing my jacket. Would anyone like to wear it?”

The girls stared. The boys stayed silent.

Then one young man—one of my son’s friends—raised his hand. “I’ll use it,” he said, smiling. I tossed it to him. He wore it for a few minutes, then laid it on the seat in front of him.

Later, I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment. What keeps us from accepting an offer we know would help us—just because it feels strange or unfamiliar?

Where does the fear come from?

As I shared with the students, fear sits at the root of many of our decisions. When we move through it, we discover freedom. Fearless choices open the door to living fully alive.

So, take notice today: how many of your decisions are based on fear? Pay particular attention to where the fear may be masked.

Do you yell at your kids when they won’t get up because you’re afraid they’ll miss the bus—and you are AFRAID your boss will be upset?
Do you tense up in traffic because you’re AFRAID you’ll arrival late?
Do you criticize your child on the pitcher’s mound out of FEAR they won’t perform in front of others?
Do you worry for months about giving a presentation because you’re SCARED about how it’ll be received?
Do you “shade the truth”/lie about your habits (eating, exercise, social media watching, etc.) because you’re AFRAID someone will judge you?

Eleven years ago, I was holding my fidgety three-year-old during church when he suddenly leaned back and slapped me across the face—hard. The sound echoed through the sanctuary. My cheek burned, but my first instinct wasn’t to correct him. It was to look around and see who saw it. I wasn’t thinking about the next best move as a parent; I was AFRAID of what people might think of the children’s summer camp owner who couldn’t control his own kid.

The point isn’t that fear is wrong—it’s that fear can rob us of presence, opportunity, and peace.

Recognize fear when it shows up. Stare it down. Life will keep moving—kids will be slow to wake up, pitches will miss, traffic will crawl, and supervisors won’t always understand.

Try hard. Breathe. Be encouraged.

 Brian

One Size (NEVER) Fits All

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 10:43:14 GMT

Everyone wants to feel uniquely desired . And often, we chase that by trying to become something—or someone—we’re not.

Deep down, we know better .

They may look exactly the same…but looks can be deceiving.

One runs through the field like he stole something. The other lies beside me in my office all day waiting for something to happen.
One will crash through a brick wall to retrieve anything. The other watches with mild curiosity, wondering if he has time for a nap while you open the mailbox.
One stares down the cat like a Navy SEAL on surveillance. The other patiently waits for her to finish eating…hoping she’ll leave a few bites behind.
One snaps to attention with a pat on the head. The other requires such patience that I’m surprised my neighbors haven’t called animal control.

They were born just minutes apart…same mother, same father, both male. These two brothers may look nearly identical, but they couldn’t be more different.

Looks can be deceiving...

The other day, while responding to some social media messages, an ad popped up for a new fitness program. It caught my eye.

This guy looked unreal . Maybe 6% body fat (the average man carries 18–24%). He looked like he trained 23 hours a day, saving one hour to feast on spinach and rice cakes. His tanned, ten-pack was so ripped, I looked closer to confirm there was actually skin covering the muscle fibers.

The man and woman on the screen spoke with absolute confidence:

“Do this exercise, take this supplement, and you too will look EXACTLY like this .”

I stopped and laughed.

Do they think I’m a fool?

Surely they realize that 99.99% of the population could copy their lifestyle for three years and never look like that?

It wasn’t deceit…it was genetics . Add in decades of training, diet, spray tans, dehydration pills, airbrushing, and a pre-photoshoot weight lifting session, and you might come close.

They weren’t lying. But for most, it was unrealistic.

Still, people everywhere were taking the bait.

Why?
Desperation.

We’re desperate to feel more attractive, noticed and valuable...essentially...different.

Everyone wants to feel uniquely desired . And often, we chase that by trying to become something—or someone—we’re not.

Deep down, we know better .

No one else knows exactly how you need to look, move, sleep, work, or live. Yet we’re bombarded daily with:

“The 12 secrets to building a better business.”
“The top 5 ways to maximize to improve the way you look.”
“Do this…and lose 20 pounds in 48 hours.”
“Be the perfect husband by doing x, y, and z.”

The truth:
There isn’t a dog trainer alive who could make my two rascals act the same way.

They are who they are.
And that’s the beauty in it.

Watching them live fully alive as themselves —running, playing, existing—it’s freeing. They’re not trying to be the horse, the cow, or the chicken. They’re just being who they were created to be.

Sure, some training can "polish the edges"—but my goal isn’t to change their nature. It’s to help them be the best “them,” they can be.

You may never train the lawyer to love daycare, or the engineer to crave on-stage acting.

And that’s okay.

From the beginning of time until the end…

AUTHENTICITY will build TRUST.
TRUST will build RELATIONSHIPS.
RELATIONSHIPS (with God and others) will build a MEANINGFUL LIFE.

You’ll never connect deeply with someone who wears a mask every time you meet.
The only relationships that really matter are those built in truth—with people who show up as they are , not as they pretend to be.

So take the time to rediscover the real you .
Be secure, and continue to improve, that person.
Find spaces where authenticity isn’t just welcomed—it’s celebrated.

Where you can speak freely, without judgment, manipulation, or fear.

And while you’re at it…
Let the world see your version of wild—or normal—or quiet—or bold.

Because one size never has… and never will… fit all.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

Encouragement Isn't Only About Being Nice

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 15:16:51 GMT

The encouragement I focus on is designed to create a powerful internal shift within the person receiving it —

a personal transformation that begins the moment the words are spoken.

Is “encouragement” just about saying something nice ?

Simple, right? Just say things that make people feel good.
Not quite! There is so much more to it.

Let me explain what I’ve been studying about the art of encouragement and human behavior for over 30 years.

Along the way, I’ve realized there are three kinds of people:

Those who freely encourage others.
Those who hesitate, but are willing to encourage others.
Those who are scared to death of it. (Key word: scared. Keep reading.)

Let’s be clear — the kind of encouragement I study, coach on, and write about isn’t about making people happy, nor is it about getting them to like me. Though that can happen (bonus).

The encouragement I focus on is designed to create a powerful internal shift within the person receiving it — a transformation that begins the moment the words are spoken.

What’s at the root of that transformation? Courage.

Let’s break the word down:

ENCOURAGEMENT
EN: to put into
COUR: heart

Essentially... To put heart into something — to give power, strength, and vitality.

Let me share a story.

Earlier this week I was at a volleyball game when I saw a teenage boy walk in with his dad. He was tall, proud, confident…yet seemingly, humble. My daughter had said something about him at home just days before. She simply noted how kind he was to her and to others at their school.

During a break in the game, I went and sat down beside him.

“Hey, I’m Brian,” I said as I shook his hand. “I wanted you to know what’s being said about you in our home. My daughter told me how kind you are to her and to everyone around you. Thank you for treating her so well. I’m really grateful for the leader your parents are raising. The world needs more of you.”

He smiled and responded quietly, “You’re welcome.”
His dad was listening. He looked proud. He should be.

It took around 60 seconds. My goal? To fill his heart. To strengthen him. To make him more powerful than he already was. Giving him more energy to do more of what he already was doing.

I realize, sharing with someone you don't know very well about something unique is a bit personal...and very atypical.

But what would have stopped me from making that approach…from sharing that encouragement I knew would only benefit him...and his parents...and 100's of other students...and his teachers...and his community?
Fear. The ABSENCE of courage within me.

Fear that he would think I was strange. Fear I would embarrass my own family. Fear I would be misunderstood. Fear I was inconveniencing his family: Interrupting their time, thinking, 'he just wants to watch the game. He might be about to leave. I don't want to keep them from their plans.'

The list I create in my mind goes on and on...because when fear wins, every result is the same. No courage present.

Taking no action is only one option.

There are also some that will do the opposite. They will tear others down through criticism, lies, gossip, or frustration — all in an attempt to make themselves feel more powerful. Essentially, “bullying.”

In those situations, the truth is: the bullies aren’t the most feared. They’re the most scared.

Scared that someone else might have, achieve, or become something more than they are.

That fear breeds more negative emotion:

* “Their business or grades are only better because they had help.”
* “They go to dinner more because they have free childcare.”
* “They’re in better shape because they have more time.”

And the cycle goes on — envy, resentment, discouragement, anger, more fear..then a response.
Comparison truly is the thief of joy. It creates a vacuum. And a vacuum will eventually be filled...with something...either positive or negative.

Just last month, I received an email from someone who’d stayed at Lone Oak for a family reunion a few years ago.

“Hi Brian,
I’ve been getting your blog links since our reunion and always enjoy what you have to say. One post made me think of a song I thought you’d enjoy. " Huntin' By Yourself by Luke Combs " Give it a listen — I think it’ll make you smile. — Geri”

So simple. So kind. So encouraging.

That one note filled my heart. It gave me courage to prepare for the 400 students and teachers I’ll be speaking to next week.

My encouragement to you.
When you feel empty, go outside. (Though tempting, stay off your phone.)

Just take a walk. Count your own blessings.

Find it within yourself to encourage someone else. Anyone.

Because when you give courage…

it always finds its way back to you.

- Brian

Professional, Pleasure or People

Thu, 16 Oct 2025 16:25:22 GMT

A darker night sky feels unfamiliar, and those sounds at dusk? They’re coyotes, not saber-toothed tigers.

Lone Oak reminds me of where I spent the first 18 years of my life.

I grew up in a part of Kansas so flat, so sparsely populated, and so dimly lit that I could see the lights of a cattle ranch 35 miles away from our front porch. My hometown had about 250 people. I graduated high school with around 15 classmates who were more like family than friends. My grandparents lived less than half a mile away; the next closest neighbor was a mile down a straight dirt road.

Walmart was 45 minutes away. The nearest movie theater, 30. I didn’t know what “Starbucks” was until college.

During my senior year, after basketball practice one afternoon, I told my mom, “I don’t have any desire to leave the farm. I’m perfectly happy here.”

She smiled and said something that changed my life:
“You have to leave for one year. You can always come back, but you need to experience something different for a time.”

It was her way of nudging me out of the nest—with the comfort that home, after a bit, was still available.

At 18, I left the quiet farm for a larger city to earn a college degree. Later I moved to an even bigger one for graduate school. Eventually, I found myself living just outside New York City—job, apartment, and all.

Looking back over 50 years, I’ve spent about 40% of my life in populated places and about 60% in more rural settings. The quieter, slower, more peaceful ones still fit me best.

Through the years, I’ve written and studied human behavior. Always asking, "Why do people do what they do?"

When I look at big cities, I often wonder what draws people there.

The answers seem simple:
Profession. Pleasure. People.

Outside of finding a place to contribute, professionally, I still struggle to understand the desire to live in "tight" places and among thousands. I prefer a bit more space and a lot more sky.

But I believe some of that pull to the city is instinct.

Hundreds of years ago, safety came in numbers. The more people who lived within the heavily populated, “tented” community, the safer they were from wild animals, famine, disease, or attack. More people meant more hands to pick corn, carry weapons, and hunt buffalo.

As the industrial and technological revolutions took hold, the danger of being eaten by a bear faded. Cars, phones, and weapons became common. Now we can see who rang our doorbell—even from the other side of the world. The risk of death is low, but our instincts, and certain fears, haven’t caught up.

At Lone Oak, some still feel uneasy when they realize Walmart is 15 minutes away, Starbucks is 14, and the nearest stoplight is 13 minutes from our gate.

A darker night sky feels unfamiliar, and those sounds at dusk? They’re coyotes, not saber-toothed tigers.

So my encouragement today is simple: relax.

Yes, there are real concerns in the world, but they no longer involve woolly mammoths sniffing the food you just ordered from DoorDash.

Come find the quiet that so many desperately need.

Remain Encouraged,
Brian

Evening Walks with Eli

Thu, 09 Oct 2025 17:31:05 GMT

Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had happen while walking.

When we slow down, we open up.

The things Eli shares reminds me that wisdom doesn’t always come with age.

Sometimes it comes from stillness, curiosity, and a child’s honest heart.

Eli, my 11 year old son, started joining me on my evening walks around our circle driveway a few weeks ago. I’m grateful for his companionship—his trust, his desire to share, and the courage he shows just by being himself. His nightly request to “walk a few laps” as the sun dips below the horizon always makes my day.

Eli runs cross-grain with most kids—and adults. He’s genuine, sincere, compassionate, and deeply thoughtful. When he speaks, I’m reminded how rare that combination really is.

To get the most from our walks, I’ve learned three simple things:

Walk slowly
Ask questions
Listen (about 95% of the time)

A few nights ago, around lap number three, Eli asked, “Dad, do you ever feel bad for people?”

Not sure what he meant, I asked, “Can you tell me about someone I might feel bad for?”

He thought a moment. “Like if you have a friend who doesn’t have as nice a car as you—do you feel bad for them?”

“Why would I feel bad for them?” I asked.

“Because their car isn’t as nice. Don’t you want them to have a better car?”

“Maybe,” I said. “But what if they like their old car? Like my Suburban. Everyone thinks it’s old, but I like it. Should people feel bad for me?”

He went quiet. I stayed silent too, walking slowly beside him, giving him space to think.

Then he said, “I just feel bad for kids who don’t have what I have. Some have stretched-out clothes, some are a little dirty. I just want them to have as much as we do.”

He paused, then added, “The other day, our teacher asked us to pull out two highlighters. My friend only had one. I think he was worried he’d get in trouble. I didn’t want him to feel bad.”

His voice grew more passionate. “I just want to give those kids everything I have—my clothes, our bikes, even our house. They can have our house, Dad! We don’t need all this stuff.”

I could see him wrestling with two emotions: compassion and guilt. He wanted others to have as much—or more—than we do. He knows we’re blessed, and that awareness stirs something deep in him.

But guilt can be tricky. It has two sides.
Used well, it can guide us toward what’s right—a compass that aligns us with God’s priorities.
Used poorly, it can drain our joy and distort our purpose.

I asked gently, “Do you think your friend is happy?”

“Oh yes,” Eli said. “He has great parents and awesome brothers. They do fun things together. He’s always outside, like us.”

“Then maybe,” I said, “we focus on that—the fact that he’s happy.”

That moment wasn’t just about guilt or gratitude. It was about presence—the kind that comes from walking slowly, asking questions, and really listening.

Encouraging you, this week, to…

Walk more slowly
Ask more questions
Listen more intently

Remain Encouraged,
Brian

Stinky Breath

Wed, 01 Oct 2025 21:39:37 GMT

Children are desperate to know they make us proud. Perhaps even more importantly, we as parents should be acting in ways that allow OUR CHILDREN SHOULD BE DESPERATE to make us proud.

Stinky Breath Taught Me a Very Valuable Parenting Lesson

It was 9 o’clock on a weekday evening. My 13-year-old and I were on the couch. He was watching TV. I was pretending to read but working harder to keep from dozing off. It’s a nightly habit my kids enjoy teasing me about.

I knew it was time for our younger boys to head to bed. I turned to the one sitting next to me:

“Hey bud, did you brush your teeth yet?”

“Yep,” he said, eyes glued to the screen.

I hadn’t seen him leave the couch in the last 45 minutes, and I knew he’d just finished a bowl of yogurt. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I thought maybe I’d drifted off for a minute and missed it. Maybe…

“Are you sure?” I asked.

No answer, but a small twitch told me he’d heard me. Hmmmm?

If you’re a parent, you know this feeling—tired, out of patience, wishing there was a smooth way to end the night and avoid the dentist’s wrath next month.

I had a few options:

The Tactical Route: “Let me smell your breath!” Confirm the lie. Send him off to brush.
The Angry Route: Pop off like someone cut you off in traffic: “YOU DIDN’T BRUSH! I KNOW YOU’RE LYING!” Threaten punishment and/or bodily harm.
The Easy Route: Pretend you didn’t notice. Send him to bed. Hope for the best.

But I realized there was a fourth option —one that might teach me something deeper:

The Meaningful Route.

“Hey man,” I said, “I’m pretty sure you didn’t brush your teeth. But I don’t think you’re lying because you want to lie. I think you just want me to be proud of you. And you’d rather risk a small fib than risk disappointing me.”

I paused, then finished.

“I understand how you might feel. And knowing I’m proud of you feels better than the guilt of lying.”

He half-smiled, a little sheepish. “Yep,” he said quietly.

“Thanks for telling the truth. Let’s brush our teeth.”

A few minutes later, I laid with him in bed for a short while…fresh breath and all. He drifted off peacefully, and we both knew.

Children are desperate to know they make us proud. Perhaps even more importantly, we as parents should be acting in ways that allow our children to be desperate to make us proud.

It took me a patient minute to see the “why” behind his little lie. The easy, angry reaction could have cost me that understanding.

Slow down. Eliminate the noise. Limit the chaos. Look beyond the stinky breath.

Often, what you see on the surface isn’t the whole story.

Remain encouraged,
- Brian

PS. If you know him, ask my own dad, Larry, about a time when his patience ran thin. I was 11 or 12 years old. He barged through the door of my bedroom at a high rate of speed and a thundering voice to let me know about “some things around here that are going to change!”

I’d really never seen him yell. I’m actually not sure if I’ve ever seen him upset. But I must have really taken him over the edge that evening, because he was "primed."

Three minutes later, he came back into my room, calmly, and apologized. We have a better relationship to this day, not only because of that evening, but because of his humility, my willingness to improve, and our desire to show grace.

Truth be told, I still want him to be proud of me. And he still tells me.

For those of us who screw up at parenting regularly…there is rarely anything done that can’t be undone. Give yourself some grace.

Choices

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 20:20:15 GMT

TRUTH: Our priorities get neglected when our decisions are made in the moment—without attention to our values.

And in those moments, the real driver often becomes FEAR.

Every moment of every day, we're faced with decisions.

In reality, with both conscious and unconscious mental and emotional cues, we ask ourselves over 58,000 times a day (the number of waking moments we exist each day), " What do I do now?”

* When at work...Should I make a phone call, send the email, plan the day, set up a meeting, go for coffee?
* At home...Should I start the laundry, mow the lawn, unload the dishwasher, help with homework, or play catch with one of the kids?
* On a drive...Should I listen to a podcast, make a call, turn on the radio, or pray in silence?
* At 4:30am...Should I hit the snooze, make the bed, put on running shoes, or turn on the TV?

Decisions. Constant. All day. Seven days a week.

It’s called decision fatigue . And it's exhausting…until you simplify the process.

Years ago, I read Steve Jobs' biography. It explained his mentality behind his morning routine.
He recognized he had only a set amount of decision-making energy each day. He knew the most important decisions would be made at Apple, one of the world’s most influential companies.

So he “saved” his decisions for that time period.

In an effort to conserve energy, he limited his closet to only two items: jeans and black turtleneck sweaters.

He eliminated the question, “What should I wear?” from his entire routine. This left him with more decision-making energy for the decisions that truly mattered.

Within the sheer number of decisions we make every day, we often overlook the importance of each decision.

It seems simple, but wouldn’t you think we would always base our choices on our top priorities?

If we did, we would discover a quality of life grounded only in the things we care most about.

So why don't we do it more often?

* Why doesn’t the average Christian pray regularly?
* Why don’t we order the salad when we know we’re 20 pounds overweight?
* We know the fourth beer will leave us with a hangover—why not stop at one, or none?
* We know driving 70mph in a 55mph zone could cause a ticket or an accident—why not slow down?

It’s strange.

Even as I sit in my office at 5:45pm, continuing to work when I know my family (my priority) expected me home 45 minutes ago.

FEAR or LOVE?

A TRUTH to face: Our priorities get neglected when our decisions are made in the moment—without attention to our values. And in those moments, the real driver often becomes fear.

Fear makes us chase comfort, urgency, or control.

It tells us, “If I don’t answer this email, I’ll fall behind…and if I fall behind, I’ll lose respect.” Or, “If I slow down, I’ll miss out, or look like I’m not good enough.”

And so, we keep choosing what feels safe in the short term but steals from what matters most in the long run.

Love, on the other hand, calls us back to our true priorities.

Love says, “Be present with your family… care for your body… honor your calling… trust that God is enough.”

When our choices are rooted in love, even the small decisions begin to stack into a life that reflects who we truly want to be.

The shift, then, is simple but not easy:

Pause and Ask, “Am I choosing from fear, or am I choosing from love?”

That question doesn’t just conserve decision-making energy—it transforms it. It turns choices from draining obligations into intentional acts of alignment: with God, with our priorities, and with the life we were meant to live.

In the end, it’s not the thousands of little decisions that define us.
It’s the people affected by those decisions that matters most.

Remain Encouraged,
Brian

What's In a Name?

Thu, 18 Sep 2025 10:56:43 GMT

“Just remember them,” I heard the voice inside of me say.

 Recalling the value they shared, the joy they spread—seemed to be the best way.

If you were 12–15 years old, or older, on September 11, 2001, that date, nearly 25 years ago, most likely has a unique meaning to you.

Interesting, when I googled “ September 11 ,” the page was immediately filled with facts, figures, pictures, and descriptions of an event in 2001. The page began with the header: “The September 11 attacks, also, often colloquially, known as 9/11.”

To the contrary, when I googled September 9 , the results were much different..simple. It described the day: “The 252nd day of the year (253rd in leap years) in the Gregorian calendar.”

When someone says September 11th, or 9/11, the words carry weight.

Last Thursday afternoon, September 11, I stopped by my local Catholic Church to sit, listen, and pray. While sitting in the pew, my mind began to think about all the people who gave their lives that day.

The experience, itself, will remain quite clear to me, as I was close, both emotionally and physically.

I lived about eight miles from the Twin Towers in 2001 when I was in my 20’s. On my drive to work that morning in New Jersey, the radio DJ mentioned a “situation at the World Trade Center.” When I got to work a few minutes later, one of my friends were frantically trying to locate his wife in Manhattan. I knew it was serious.

We watched as the story unfolded. Thankfully, my friend was able to connect with his wife. We were told to go home around noon. On the way home, where the George Washington Bridge crosses the Hudson River, my Jeep was searched and I was questioned by military personnel.

The following weeks felt like years. I watched from my apartment on the Hudson River, day after day, all the lights, sirens, trucks, and emergency vehicles speeding up and down the freeways. Moving debris. Searching for survivors.

I resigned and left the East Coast shortly after.

As I sat in church last week, listening to the occasional creak of a pew, a door closing, the children outside playing on the playground—screams and laughter filling the air with joy—I thought about all the individual humans affected by that attack. The grandparents, parents, siblings, friends, and neighbors who are still living with that void.

How are we to honor their loved ones? Those who have died, honorably, as well as those still feeling that pain?

“Just remember them,” I heard the voice inside of me say. Recalling the value they shared, the joy they spread—seemed to be the best way.

I pulled out my phone and found a list of the nearly 3,000 people lost in the towers that day. I slowly read through every name. Names that were personal and intimate to each family member. Names called out when it was time for dinner. Names cheered on at a little league field or the name written at the top of a math test. Names yelled through a house when dad or mom came home from work.

Names that mattered.

To all those left behind…I don’t know most of you. But remain encouraged. I remember them. I said their names. I know the tremendous value they continue to share with so many.

Names matter. Events matter. It all matters.

As the years pass, it can be easy to feel as though our loved ones are forgotten. The sister who died of a brain tumor, the nephew of a neighbor and his fatal car accident, 9/11, your teenage son’s good friend, or military service man or women…all of which feel as though they fade into history books and timelines.

But it was never just an event, they weren’t just another person, or just another accident, or just another situation —they are a collection of lives, memories and influence...each with a name, a story, and a legacy.

To truly honor them, we must resist letting them become only part of a headline in our distracted world.

We keep them alive by pausing, by speaking their names, by carrying their values, and celebrating their personality, their smiles, & their way of being.

Remembering isn’t just looking back—it’s choosing to live today with the same depth, gratitude, and love that their lives once gave to this world.

To all those who have lost someone close. Remain encouraged.
- Brian

One of the Best Days of My Son's Life...and all for Under $20.

Mon, 08 Sep 2025 16:52:54 GMT

Just before heading off to showers, Luke looked at me with a sense of seriousness and gratitude,

"Arguably, Dad, the best day of my life. Thanks."

Luke, our 13-year-old, had never been Dove hunting before. Finding a spot in Texas isn’t as easy when you’re not from the area, but good friends aren’t far away. We connected with a great guy, and together, we made a plan.

A few days before the hunt, we gathered our equipment. The earlier Luke touched the gear, the more excited he became. Yes, it took longer—he had questions and hadn’t been through the process before—but the act of preparing together built more anticipation.

2 boxes of shotgun shells
2 used shotguns
2 used game bags
2 hunting licenses
1 five-gallon bucket & 1 fishing stool
6 hours in a field with good friends
2 bowls of leftover pasta & 2 glasses of lemonade (at day’s end)

Total: $18.75

The day wasn’t about trophies. The birds were a bit scarce, the weather warm, and the bugs plentiful. Most of our time was spent sitting, talking, and watching.

Some of our fellow hunters apologized: “Wish we could’ve gotten you a few more birds.”

But why…and who cares? I’d just spent one of the best days of my life with one of my sons!

Out there, I got to know Luke in a new way. He shared what he likes and dislikes, his securities and insecurities. And he asked questions I never thought a 13-year-old would ever ask his dad. And I answered, without distraction or hesitation.

That evening, as the sun sank below the horizon and the hunting fields grew dark, we found ourselves at the kitchen counter eating “leftovers” for dinner. We rehashed the missed shots, the conversations, and the thought of “a next time.”

Just before heading off to showers, Luke looked at me with a sense of seriousness and gratitude:

"Arguably, Dad, the best day of my life. Thanks."

Mission accomplished.

The truth is: you don’t need a hunt, vacation, or a special occasion to make that happen. It could be a game of catch, a walk, skipping rocks, or even cleaning the garage. The activity matters less than the intention .

A trip to school can be a source of encouragement about an upcoming test, not just a ride to school.
A garage "clean-out" can be about family pride and a job well done, and not just about where to stack the mud boots.
A game of catch can be a conversation about life and girlfriends, and not just practicing our curve ball.
And a Dove hunt can be an afternoon listening to your son share his heart about every topic imaginable, and not just time attempting to bag the most birds.

Days like this remind me that it’s never just about the hunt — it’s about the intention behind the time we spend together. Don't wait. I have close friends and family members who would have given anything to experience what Luke and I did, together, but life’s circumstances have prevented it. I hope, by sharing that kind of time with Luke, we’re, in a way, honoring them and their families.

It’s always about the intention.

Remain encouraged.
Brian

Celebrating Risk Takers and Adventure Seekers

Wed, 03 Sep 2025 20:40:17 GMT

My Son Slept Through His First Class

Our oldest son, a senior in high school, wakes himself up every morning around 6:00a.m. for his workouts. Last week, he came home around 7:30a.m., showered, ate breakfast, set an alarm, and laid down for a quick 20-minute nap before heading back to school.

His alarm went off. He woke up, turned it off, laid his head back down “just for a second”…and woke up 30 minutes later, having missed his first class.

No excuses. No blaming. He owned it, grabbed his stuff, and headed out the door.

I was working from home that morning, so I had a front-row seat to the entire show.

I also had a choice in how to respond...and here were my options:

Anger? I can’t believe how irresponsible you are.
Discipline? I’m gonna teach you a lesson.
Guilt trip? This is not the young man I raised.
Ignore it? Act like I didn’t notice. Pretend it didn’t happen. Pray the school doesn’t call.
Relationship. Recognize it for what it was—an honest mistake (and we all make them).

I chose the latter. My words as he rushed out of the house were simple: “Be careful driving, Bud. Love you.”

Later that day I sent him a text:
“Ya know, Pal, I’ve been late to things in my life too. Some important, some not. It didn’t stop me from achieving some success along the way. No need to beat yourself up. Apologize and move on. If someone wants to hold it against you, that’s their burden to carry. Enjoy the day. Love you.”

What I hoped he heard: It’s okay to stumble. It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s all ok.

The truth is, the people who dare to make mistakes—who push limits, speak up, or show up differently—are the ones who move us forward.

The dad who shows up ten minutes late to work because he stopped for donuts with his kids on the way to school.
The coworker who risks offering a perspective different from their supervisor.
The friend who dresses, speaks, or shares in unique ways that make others raise an eyebrow.

They may not always get it right, but they are willing to try. But when they win, the whole group often benefits from a better idea, a more effective process, or a new way of seeing the world.

I’m not talking about excusing chronic underachievement. I’m talking about encouraging the bravery it takes to risk failure for the chance of creating something better.

Those are the kids I want to raise.

My dad did the same for me. He didn’t chastise me when I came home from the state basketball tournament with a pierced ear. Or later, black/pink basketball shoes, or a variety of different hairstyles from a perm, to a bleach-blond rat tail, to lightening bolts shaved into my hairline. In our small Kansas farmtown, that was pushing the limits.

He saw it…and allowed me to run my course.

Because of that, I grew up knowing it was okay to try, risk, fail, and try again. That attitude allowed me to backpack through Europe, move to NYC, bike through Maine, find my way through Hawaii and waterski in California.

Now, I continue to encourage my kids to do the same.

In the end, the measure of success isn’t perfection…or even a win. But maybe the greatest success lives in the courage to keep showing up and in the adventure to be enjoyed.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

Courage or Critism?

Wed, 27 Aug 2025 21:41:02 GMT

No one steps onto the battlefield hoping for despair—they step forward believing they can create something better.

Why do we so quickly criticize the one who dares to try... especially when they may risk falling short of their own goal in the process?

Why not celebrate the attempt and honor the courage it took to begin? After all, the intention was true, admirable, and brave. The effort was fueled by enthusiasm and hope…sparked by a desire to improve lives around them.

No one steps onto the battlefield hoping for despair, an undesired result or a dismal failure—they step forward believing they can create something better.

So instead of criticism… encourage.

Encourage:

The child who smooths every wrinkle on a carefully made bed. Don’t let an adult’s sharp eye for imperfections steal the joy of their effort.
The student wrestling with words they’ve never seen before. Don’t let a small correction overshadow the praise they need to hear: “You always work so hard.”
The young employee balancing life for the first time while giving their best at work. Don’t let numbers, spreadsheets, or pressures crush the excitement they bring each morning.
The veteran team member who has shown up faithfully for years. Don’t let their consistency at work blind you to the tremendous value of their steady presence.

The young athlete who's worked every day for 3 years to get a chance to play a few minutes. Don't let the angle of their pass route deflect you from showing appreciation for the amount of time, effort, and energy that's being spent in each practice.
The employer who risks everything to chase a dream, often at personal cost, so others might benefit. Don’t let your unmet expectations smother the fire that keeps them moving forward.

The world has no shortage of critics. What it desperately needs are people willing to encourage.

And after all, when do people need to be loved the most?

When they've stopped believing in themselves.

Choose to encourage. Always.

We want you to find courage at Lone Oak. Through the people, the culture, the unique environment. We look forward to encouraging you one day in the future.

- Brian

We're All a Little Scared

Wed, 20 Aug 2025 21:58:24 GMT

The truth is, it’s not just kids or adults, employees or employers, religious, nonreligious, white, black or blue...It’s all of us. We all face fear—sometimes in fleeting moments, sometimes all day, all week, or all month long.

So what do we do with it?

My friend Jim is a giant of a man—over six feet tall and nearly 300 pounds. A former college football lineman, he was never the loud, aggressive type. But rather, he always had a calm, steady, and thoughtful presence. He is the kind of man I’ve always hoped my own sons would emulate in some form.

We met in college and stayed connected for years. Whenever he called, it felt like I took a trip home—back to my parents’ Kansas farmhouse for the holidays, where everything was always safe, comfortable and familiar.

A few months ago, I learned Jim’s wife was battling cancer. I hadn’t spoken with him for years, but when I called, his voice was the same…a calmness, yet full of energy and positivity. But underneath, I sensed something had shifted. After a few minutes of catching up, I asked, “Jim, how are you doing? Really.”

He paused for a moment before sharing some thoughts that have stayed with me:
“I’m really scared, man. One day you think your future is ahead of you. The next, you’re just trying to keep it together—your own health, the kids, finances, work, saying the right thing to your sick wife…while holding on to some sense of your own emotional stability. It’s really scary.”

Since that conversation, I’ve tried to be more intentional in understanding where, and why, others might be scared. Not always the same fear Jim’s carrying, but fear that can be shown in so many ways.

Young kids may show sadness, even cry, when they get nervous and scared about tests, ballgames, and teachers’ and parents' responses.

Teenagers may rebel, show anger, act out, or withdraw, when they feel fear and insecurity about not measuring up. It's a normal response for a young person when they feel inadequate or are on the verge of failing or disappointing someone.

Parents can get irritable, raise their voices, threaten and punish because they’re afraid of how they, themselves, will feel when their kids don’t measure up or succeed. They’re desperate to prevent their kids from feeling pain and discomfort. Why? Because when our kids feel pain, parents feel the same pain...if not more.

Supervisors, teachers, business owners, and even grandparents carry their own versions of fear when they don't feel in control. Unmet expectations, uncertain futures, and lives in limbo are all scary places to exist. Adults feel like its our job to keep order. So we keep asking our kids...

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" or "What will your major be in college?" (I'm 51 and still don't know.)

Thoughts begin to swirl and emotions are created. Our powerful minds create a reality that doesn't currently exist.

Parents wake up at 2am thinking: He's lost. He won't find a job or have friends. He'll be living on the streets in 5 years.
First time lawyer in the courtroom: Everyone probably thinks I have no idea what I’m doing.
A Grandpa after his grandson gets a DWI: I bet the entire community thinks our family is in shambles.
Brian's thoughts when the office porch isn't clean: I’m sure customers think we can't do anything right. I'm going to lose everything.
The 3rd grade teacher trying to find a way to bring Susie's science grade up: Could I lose my job if she fails?”
Jim: I know the prognosis is good, but what will I do if the worst happens?

We have a habit of creating a reality in our own mind that normally ends in tragedy.

I saw fear in my 8th grader recently. He approached me with some hesitancy. “Dad, football isn’t as fun as baseball and basketball. I don’t like hitting people, and I really don’t like it when they hit me.” When I explained that I didn't play football past junior high, but rather, ran cross country, I watched relief wash over him. Our three-minute conversation lifted a very heavy weight off his already-tired shoulders.

The truth is, it’s not just kids or adults, employees or employers. It’s all of us. We all face fear—sometimes in fleeting moments, sometimes all day, week, or month long.

So what do we do with it? How do we put ourselves in a better space while helping others do the same?

Show some grace…to yourself and to others. We never know the full story behind someone else’s fear, worry or history. And if YOU'RE feeling scared, realize you’re human, with real feelings, emotions, and challenges. And that’s all ok.

2. Offer some encouragement. A word of belief can change the course of someone’s day...and life.

3. Create honest and direct dialogue..with compassion. Talking directly while sharing empathy and understanding brings light to places where fear hides. The more light, the less fear.

James Baldwin wrote, “The moment we cease to hold each other, the moment we break faith with one another, the sea engulfs us and the light goes out.”

Maybe the best way forward is to keep holding each other—especially when we’re scared.

A brief update...

* Jim's wife is in remission and recuperating well.

* I remain busy keeping our office porch clean. :)

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

My Evil Twin

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 04:35:20 GMT

The truth?

He’s out to separate you from yourself—pin you apart with fear and insecurity.

The moment you move toward the truth, his grip will loosen.

Most people don’t know this, but I have a twin.

No one knows he exists but me—not my parents, not my family. He’s invisible to the naked eye and he only talks to me. He usually whispers and rarely yells. He’s not attractive, healthy, athletic, or emotionally intelligent.

He likes to show up when I’m about to do something challenging or uncomfortable:

Walking on stage with a mic.
Making an important sales call.
Lacing up running shoes.
Heading out on a 4:30 a.m. bike ride.
Or before a tough conversation with a team member.

He’s here now.

I’m on my back porch, writing. It’s cool & calm with a slight breeze stirring the neighbor’s flag. Ellie, our Retriever, is dozing nearby beside me. I feel grateful—yet my twin is lurking.

He’s asking why I bother writing every day.
He’s reminding me of all the people that won’t read this.
He’s calling to mind the professor that questioned my intelligence.

Then he gets a bit louder:

“Only a handful of people read your stuff. Why bother?”
“You should have made more money by now. Do something else with your time.”
“Your family deserves more and better.”

Do you have a twin? The kind who’s invisible but can be heard? The one who creeps in late at night and feeds you questions that leave you feeling less than adequate:

Am I a good enough parent or friend?
Shouldn’t I have done more for them?
My kids deserve more, don’t they?
I'd be better if I lost 15 pounds and some wrinkles, wouldn’t I?

Funny thing—he’s never around when I’m encouraging someone else, on a brisk walk, or cycling through the country. He stays at bay when I’m deep in a positive conversation with Jennifer about our future and over coffee, or being encouraged by my dad, a sibling or my friend, Pete, on a phone call.

When he does appear, he breeds fear, doubt, and insecurity. He’s a nuisance, an energy burner, an emotional drain. I know he’s not real, but when he’s around, he feels real.

The truth? He’s out to separate you from yourself—pin you apart with fear and insecurity.

But you’ve got more to be proud of than he’ll ever admit. Blessings surround you. Strength lives within you. You're quite enough.

When he knocks, don’t crack the door.
Pray. Anchor yourself in what’s true, not the lies he’s peddling.
Call a friend who will speak life into you.
Step into motion—take action on the thing he’s trying to talk you out of.

The moment you move toward the truth, his grip will loosen.

Hoping to help you with an action step at your next overnight or day retreat, an RV visit, or as a resident in our campground.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

In Her Death...The 5 lessons my sister taught me about life.

Thu, 07 Aug 2025 18:26:41 GMT

It was real. Everything felt different. The smallest things mattered.

A simple walk, a bird’s song, a wave, a smile, a leaf blowing was now important.

At least once a week, I find myself sharing the story of my younger sister’s death.

Lisa passed away in her 30’s, following an aggressive brain tumor diagnosis. The 18 months between her diagnosis and her funeral were life-changing, but there was a moment in her passing that was particularly influential.

Her story becomes especially apparent when I’m going through a challenge or helping someone else through their own valley. And though I’ve always been a reasonably positive person, it was through a deeper understanding of her own journey that truly shaped my optimism.

Though I feel her absence almost daily, it’s no longer a sad story to me—but rather, a unique and beneficial one. In fact, I’m often excited to share it. In doing so, I speak a little faster, my tone lifts, and I hope my listener understands the beauty in what I’ve learned. I never want them to feel like they’ve touched a nerve or created sadness. I want them to hear what a gift her life—and even her death—was for me.

The process was the clearest, most profound example of “finding perspective” I’ve ever experienced.

It allows me to describe her funeral day as both the most challenging and most influential day of my life.

The Most Challenging Day

It was challenging because it wasn’t just another funeral—she was one of my little sisters . The one who asked me to stay in her room at night when she was sure E.T. was hiding in her closet. The one who could make me laugh with a single text response. The person I saw being a nurse practitioner, a marathon runner, a devoted mother, and a loving wife of 15 years. She was happy, emotional, hard-working and deeply compassionate.

And in a moment, all of that was over.

The Most Influential Day

As we carried her casket out of the church, something stopped me. I’m not entirely sure if I stopped mentally, physically, emotionally, or all three. But I realized a deep, still truth that’s been with me ever since:

Any moment could be our last.

It wasn’t just a cliché anymore—it was real . Everything felt different. The smallest things mattered. A simple walk, a bird’s song, a wave, a smile, a leaf blowing was now important. The urgency to actually live life made more sense. That moment didn’t just change me emotionally—it changed something in my wiring. My DNA.

In the time since, I’ve realized that her life, and death, have given me a handful of life lessons that show up for me every day.

1. Relationships matter more than anything.
Don’t waste time being frustrated, worried, angry, stressed or offended. Invest that energy in the people who matter…and they all matter. Work hard. Remain focused. And let everything else go.

2. Most of life is out of our control.
If so, then focus your energy on the 5% that is in your hands. Let go of the illusion of control—and be great where you can be…as a partner, a parent, a friend, a co-worker or a professional.

3. Take care of your health.
You can have every dream, every opportunity, every resource available. But if your health fails, it becomes the only thing that matters. Everything else will be less of a priority.

4. Just live today.
At the end of your life, will you beg for more time—or will you be grateful for how you spent the time you had? Live deeply and happily in this moment.

5. Don’t wait.
Make the call. Send the note. Have the conversation. Write the letter. Go run. Laugh. Take the chance. Tomorrow may have some challenges, but today is the only thing we know will exist. Don’t wait, create today.

The Package Never Sent

A few weeks ago, I found an empty package while cleaning my office at Lone Oak. I had meant to send something to her, and somehow, I never got around to it.

Even now, just seeing it brings a short pain in my side. A reminder that waiting is rarely worth it.

Her short life is a reminder of why we encourage others to value what they carry inside. To bring your own value forward. Use it. Share it. Experience it.

You have something unique to offer this world.
Let go of any fear, resentment, hate or anger.
Push past the hesitation.
Show the world.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

(At Lone Oak, we work to provide you with a quiet, peaceful, safe place to share the gifts, passion, and value that only you can share with the rest of the world.)

Closing the Gap...Between Who we Are and Who We Were Meant to Be

Wed, 30 Jul 2025 13:05:55 GMT

“The more you learn about who you are , the easier it will be to know what to do . ”

Who, exactly, are you?”

A tough question I’ve been asked so many times.

In attempt to answer, I’ll explain what I do or about an experience I’ve had…
“I’m a bike rider.”

“A business owner.”
“We have an RV Campground and retreat center.”
“I’m a dad.”

But those answers describe a role, experience, or choice I've made. They don’t always reflect the deeper truth of who I am —

Especially if the decisions that led me to those choices weren’t made from a place of authenticity.

Here’s an example…

Let’s say you went through grade school and high school dreaming of becoming a kindergarten teacher. The idea of helping shape young people’s lives by allowing them to feel safe, independent, and valuable was invigorating to you. After high school, and while in college, you found yourself rooming with the daughter of a stock broker. Nice girl, kind, generous, and fun…but a transformation happened in your brain while she took you for rides on Saturday nights in her new BMW, sunroof open, and people looking.

It felt good. And you liked that feeling.

At one point, you began to realize that your preferred field of study may not be able to afford the same lifestyle your roommate had introduced you to.

So you change majors and become a stockbroker instead.

Years later, if I asked, “Who are you?” You might answer, “I’m a stockbroker.” In that moment, there is a high likelihood I’d feel like something was missing from your answer. I would sense that the kindergarten teacher was still “in there” somewhere.

But if you tell me how much you still love spending time with kids, or how leading your Sunday School class with 4 year olds brings you so much joy—then we’d be getting closer to the real answer. And I'd truly begin to know you .

Why is this question so hard to answer?
Because life happens . And while we want our children to become more clear and confident about who they are…it seems a large population of adults may not be that clear either.

The Pattern...

For so many in the 21st century, childhood was spent online and mesmerized watching seemingly young-adult millionaires getting into the Lambo in front of the mansion. We then spend our late teens and early 20s exploring, bouncing around, learning and continuing to dream. But then, pressure sets in. We see classmates getting married, posting vacation pics, buying cars and houses—and we slip into “survival mode.”

Not survival in the literal sense. We have food, shelter (even if it’s shared with six roommates), and community. But compared to the filtered highlights of others, our reality feels inadequate. That gap leads us to chase things we never really wanted—trying to “catch up.”

We slowly drift away from who we started out being to where we are now. And the wider that gap becomes, the harder it is to close.

Our 17-year-old is heading into his senior year. We’re having “what’s next?” conversations. My message to him is simple:
“The more you learn about who you are , the easier it will be to know what to do . ”

But outside voices about college, trade, travel, work, and where to live can quickly drive someone into survival mode. It’s no wonder people feel lost.

It’s why I’m so passionate about helping others find their way back to who they really are.
Not the resume’ version.
Not the social media version.
But the version of that human God created with purpose.

At Lone Oak , we offer a quiet, safe, distraction-free space to ask real questions—and listen for honest answers:

What genuinely makes me happy?
When do I feel most like myself?
Who am I around when I feel that way?
What am I scared of?
What actions reflect the best version of me?

I’ve been known to share a comment, openly, with young people:
“You can become a millionaire in a week if money’s your ONLY goal—but what you’ll have to do may not be legal, ethical, or moral. So the question isn’t, can you do it... it’s, how much of your soul are you willing to sacrifice to get it? ”

Take your time. Ask the right questions. Trust the process (and people). Keep taking steps. And stay encouraged.

– Brian

Doing the Next Right Thing

Thu, 24 Jul 2025 13:48:14 GMT

Or maybe the “next right thing” is choosing not to react in frustration. But rather, just simply sit and listen.

To stand in silence by someone to remind them:
“I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Let’s be honest—life can be tough some most of the time.

Things don’t go as planned. Emotions run high. Communication gets messy. Personalities clash. Our strengths, weaknesses, and past experiences don’t always align. The world can feel... heavy.

So anytime I receive a word of encouragement about someone’s experience at Lone Oak, or how something we wrote or shared may have sparked a positive change in their life—I decipher it as God saying:
“You’re on the right track. Just keep taking steps.”

Just last week, I received a random message from a friend:

“I just want to reach out regarding your posts on LinkedIn. They are so heartfelt and make me want to get better every day! Thank you for that.”

That one note was the fuel I needed.
Okay—I’m on the right track. Now, just keep shoveling coal into the furnace.

Our family is preparing for our oldest son’s senior year of high school. It seems all the “important” questions have begun:

“What’s next?”
“What are you going to do when you grow up?”
“Where are you going to college?”
“Where are you going to live?”
“What’s the plan?”

In essence, they’re all saying the same thing:
"You need a plan to create value in your life."

I know these questions weigh on Joe. His parents and siblings feel them, too. And, I’m confident, when he doesn’t have a tidy, impressive answer, he feels behind. Unprepared. Not in control or “together.” Essentially, less valuable.

But maybe the answer is simpler than we think.

Author Matthew Kelly shares, “Just do the next right thing.”

Maybe Joe doesn’t need to know what degree he’ll have in four years. Maybe he doesn’t have to figure out where he’ll live in twelve months, what job he’ll work in six, or even what he’s eating for dinner tomorrow.

Today, all I want for him is that he chooses to do the next right thing.

Maybe he decides to ask his dad to go on a golf cart ride like he did earlier this week.
Maybe this afternoon, he just takes his little brothers swimming or helps his mom unload the groceries.

Isn’t there enough value created in those moments?

At Lone Oak, we try to live by that same principle. So…
We write letters.
We offer encouragement.
We share clean rooms, quiet rv sites and serve enjoyable meals.
We create a peace many haven’t experienced in decades.

So here’s a challenge for you: Today, just do the next right thing.

Text your spouse that you’re excited to see them tonight.
Tell your child you’re proud of them.
Write a letter to your dad.
Fold the laundry, call a friend…or perhaps just smile at someone.

Or maybe the “next right thing” is choosing not to react in frustration. But rather, just simply sit and listen. To stand in silence by someone to remind them:
“I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Because the opposite is also true. In a world constantly pulling for balance, our negative actions can just as easily shift the train onto the wrong track—toward a destination we never intended.

These small steps may not seem grand or life-changing...
But they can become something spectacular…the next right things on a path to a lot of other right things.

See you at the train station.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

3 Minutes Can Change So Many Things

Thu, 17 Jul 2025 16:11:12 GMT

None of us are really “too busy.” More often, we’re just too unorganized, distracted, or stressed

to think clearly about how we might help someone outside of our normal rhythm.

It wasn’t a dramatic rescue. Or a life-or-death moment.

It was just three quiet minutes of trying to help someone else.

A few weeks ago, a close friend reached out with an update. He explained that he had applied for a job with another company.

He’s a great guy—hardworking, intelligent, highly capable, and well connected to great people.

And I happened to know the people and position he was applying for.

So, I wanted to help.

I offered to reach out to a few folks who may be involved in the interview process. I had no motivation other than to share a few kind words on his behalf. I emailed three different people a similar note. That was it. He was very grateful.

The whole thing took less than three minutes and very limited energy.

Honestly? It energized me. It gave me joy. I felt better afterward than before I started.

It wasn’t hard. It wasn’t time-consuming. It was simple.

The “return on investment” was spectacular…and we don’t even know if he got the job yet!

Let’s break down the benefits of this tiny, intentional act:

I helped someone who mattered to me. And I know how much he appreciated it. (Cue the endorphins.)
I knew I was doing the right thing. (A deep level of peace.)
I reconnected with two people I hadn’t spoken to in months. (Unexpected joy in reconnecting.)
Ideally, I made THEIR job easier while trying to find the best candidate for their position (Providing them more energy for their families at day’s end.)
I set an example for my own kids. (Leaving my actions to speak louder than my words. The most effective parenting strategy.)

None of us are really “too busy.” More often, we’re just too unorganized, distracted, or stressed to think clearly about how we might help someone outside of our normal rhythm.

But if you want to live a longer, healthier, more fulfilling life?

Get outside your comfort zone and do something helpful for someone else this week.

A few ideas:

Leave a kind note under a coworker’s windshield wiper.
Slip a handwritten message under your kid’s pillow.
Call your mom in the middle of the day for no reason.
Text a friend: “Just thinking about you. Hope you’re doing great.”
Make pancakes with your son.
Offer to speak up for someone who’s applying for a new role.

Yesterday, I called a neighbor I knew was out of town on vacation. He answered—probably assuming something was wrong.

I told him there was no emergency. I just wanted him to know I was thinking about him and hoped he was having a great time.

He paused. Then said, “Man, that means a lot.”

Most people would talk themselves out of it: " I don’t want to bother anyone," they say to themselves.

But when was the last time it bothered you when someone called with encouragement? Left you a note? Sent a random text? Put in a good word for you behind the scenes?

Bringing something positive to someone's day is never a bother. It’s always a blessing.

So why not do a few more of those things that create a smile?

It might “stretch” you a bit, but you may live longer. And you’ll definitely feel better in the present.

Remain encouraged,
Brian

“Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.” - J.M. Barrie

At Lone Oak, we're all about bringing a little sunshine to your life!

A Hero Without a Cape

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 12:01:25 GMT

What I really appreciated was someone who simply believed in me.

We all have the ability to be that kind of hero. The kind that shares our genuine belief in someone else.

Let’s choose our steps this week to honor those who continually show up for others—regardless of the personal cost or benefit.

I didn't discovered it until later, but my desire to spend time with Dick Eastland from Camp Mystic had nothing to do with the “owner” title he carried, the car he drove, the house he lived in, or the trips he took.

Twenty-five years ago, I was new to the Texas Hill Country—only three years into my career just a few years out of school with a Master's degree and some experience in Maine and New York.

I had an entrepreneur's heart, so when I spotted Dick at a conference, I felt compelled to talk with him.

His son, James, who was every bit as kind, friendly, but probably wittier than his father, introduced us. I was nervous.

This was a man who had accomplished everything I aspired to achieve…and alongside the people he cared about most—his wife, Tweety, and their beautiful family.

His handshake spoke volumes. In that simple gesture, Dick conveyed, “Relax, Brian. I’m here for you. Let’s talk.”

I asked him, “How did you get to where you are? What needs to be true for me to do the same?”

His response still echoes in my mind: “You seem like a talented young man.

Everything you need is already inside you. It’s just a matter of bringing it to the surface when the right opportunity comes along. Let me know how I can help.”

In the years that followed, I would call or email him for guidance—seeking advice on a variety of things. But, over time, I realized it wasn’t about the specific answers to my questions that created my desire to want more from him.

What I really appreciated was someone who simply believed in me.

Fast forward around 4 years, and I would sign the title document to my first camp.

A few years later, when his son, James, passed away at an early age, I drove across Texas to attend the funeral. At the lunch after the funeral, Dick greeted me with genuine gratitude, saying, “I can’t believe you would take so much time to come see us.”

Always humble. Always grateful. Always putting others first.

Dick was a hero to so many of us—not because he wore a cape, but because he showed up, every time. Without hesitation. No matter who needed him.

We all have the ability to be that kind of hero. The kind that shares our genuine belief in someone else.

Let’s choose our steps this week to honor those who continually show up for others—regardless of the personal cost or benefit.

Though I didn’t have the same level of relationship with Jane Ragsdale at Heart O’ The Hills, I know she was doing the same meaningful work for others. Without a need for recognition. She simply wanted to watch others benefit from her labor.

May God be with you, Dick Eastland, Jane Ragsdale, and all those who have given so much so that others can achieve their own dreams.

Thank you for everything.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

Less Information—More Movement

Wed, 02 Jul 2025 22:37:18 GMT

“Action without Thought is careless.

Thought without Action is meaningless.

But when Thought and Action align, quality of life is born.” - B. Manhart

What if your next "great day" didn’t come from a new idea, but from taking action on something you already know?

I opened my email inbox and found what I expected: More emails.

I wondered…
What good was any of it?

It had limited meaning and very few action steps. Will any of it actually IMPROVE my life?!?!

Then I thought about what my wife, Jennifer, has said so many times:

“Can we stop TALKING about it and just DO something about it?”

I went back to my inbox.

More Stuff...

A training about _____.
A seminar about _____.
A resource on how to talk about _____.
A survey about how I felt about what I had just read about _____.

Essentially, it was all more “things” and “stuff” about “things and stuff.”

Nothing had changed in my life.

“What Are We Doing?”

I’m a huge advocate of life-long learning. And I can appreciate entertainment.

But I think we become an “overly-entertained” society that leans into constant amusement to prevent us from facing reality.

I thought about a quote from Catholic Franciscan and author Richard Rohr.

“We do not THINK ourselves into new ways of living; we LIVE ourselves into new ways of thinking.”

That line stopped me.

What if I didn’t need more to THINK about?
Rather, I just DID more of what already matters?

So I Tried Three Things

✅ End every meeting or interaction with one clear action step.
✅ Read and write everything with one question: How does this help me, or others, move the needle in life?
✅ Prioritize action over ideas.

I feel better.
I sleep better.
I laugh more.

This past weekend...

I bought a small motorbike with my 17 year old. (Jennifer loved that, btw.)
I went fishing in a creek with my 13 year old. (And accidentally fell in.)
I spent time in church intentionally praying. (And less time looking around at what others were wearing.)
I watched a meaningful movie with my 11 year old. (That made our eyes "watery.")

“Action without thought is careless.

Thought without action is meaningless.

But when thought and action align, quality of life is born.”

Your Turn

Think about it. Take action. And go create something wonderful.

At Lone Oak, we’re not just a place to eat, sleep, and play.

We’re on a mission to help you ignite your energy, restore relationships, and rediscover your life.

Then we’ll send you out the gate—to lead with what you’ve just uncovered.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

"Best Day Ever"

Thu, 26 Jun 2025 12:22:26 GMT

Given the right context, young people are interested in understanding almost everything.

But they rarely ask for a lesson.

Why not?

Because they're intimidated OR simply don’t know the lessons they’re intended to learn.

Mopping floors, sweeping meeting spaces, mowing and trimming aren’t necessarily my FAVORITE things to do at Lone Oak. I do a pretty good job at it, but I don’t do it because no one else can, or doesn’t, do it well enough.

I do them because I’m a dad first—and these everyday tasks become powerful moments when my kids do them with me.

That’s what I shared with some friends when they asked why I was away from the office for a few hours this past week.

I went on to explain, “I’ll always know my time in this role—as Dad—is very limited. So everything else comes after: evenings with “the guys,” hobbies, and yes, even some office work.

This week, I had a few of those moments.

Luke, my 13-year-old, helped me clean the Ballroom, our largest totally enclosed venue space, this past Sunday afternoon and between group check-in and check-outs. I explained that it would help other team members get a head start on their work this week.

He swept while I mopped. I explained how much soap and water was needed in the bucket and how to work more efficiently by focusing on one area at a time. I pointed out that we could better communicate if he kept just one earbud out. He listened.

By the end of our time, he was solving problems, sweeping corners with extra care, and saving me steps. When we were setting up the space, afterward, with tables and chairs, he placed one green chair in a sea of white chairs. When I asked him to help me understand why the 1 green chair, he explained, “We’re out of white ones.”

I asked him to think about where he’d been that day and if there were any additional white chairs we could use. He smiled, walked next door and grabbed 1 of the 90 extra chairs in storage. He knew we could improve the look and feel of the space with just a bit of extra work. We both smiled.

Later in the week, my younger son, Eli, joined me for some outdoor work. He wasn’t excited—it was hot, humid, and the uncut grass felt endless—but we pressed on. I walked him into the shop and through the safety features on the zero-turn mower. We checked the oil, the air filter, and filled it with gas.

We talked about letting it warm up and how to listen for anything that might not sound right. I told him that anything less than a B+ attitude with heavy equipment could “get someone hurt.”

He listened while his attitude began to change.

He wore his ear and eye protection, put on a hat and sunscreen, grabbed his water and asked a few more questions before heading into the field. Once he started, he paid special attention to the direction the grass was flying and what it might hit. He took pride in his work.

Neither of the boys are perfect. But that’s not the goal. What I’m after is time. Time to model being safe and attending to detail. How we can work hard, be a good listener, and learn something all the time.

Ultimately, time to share an example to a future husband, father, employer, or employee. I believe character, and healthy values, can be shared in the simple things—like sweeping, mowing, trimming, and showing up when it’s not that comfortable.

None of it gets passed on if we’re constantly absorbed in screens, devices, our own self-interests, or chasing things that won’t authentically grow the next generation.

I’ve thought often about offering parent-child experiences or programs that mirror what I get to do with my own kids, regularly—something rooted in hands-on work, real conversation, and shared sweat equity.

Some say kids aren’t interested in that anymore. I disagree.

Given the right context, young people are interested in understanding almost everything. But they rarely ask for a lesson. Why not? Because they are intimidated OR simply don’t know the lessons they’re intended to learn.

So they wait for someone to offer it with sincerity—and when we do, they learn intently.

At the end of those long, sweaty days, both boys said the same thing:
“Best day ever.”

That’s the kind of return on investment no paycheck can offer.
That’s why a mop, a mower, and a moment will always matter.

That’s why I’ll keep showing up—with them—as long as I can.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

Kids These Days

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 15:59:00 GMT

Did they catch a fish? No.
But that wasn’t the goal. Making the pole was.

They spent hours as inventors, creators, gathers, problem-solvers, communicators and teammates.

Kids These Days...

The title is a term we’ve heard for decades…maybe even centuries.

We, adults, tend to romanticize own youth by remembering the good and forgetting the bad. Therefore, comparing today’s kids unfairly by idealizing versions of our own past.

“When I was young, we played outside all day!”
We forget we also argued, fought, got bored, and stared at a TV for hours.

As far back as 400 BC, Socrates shared, “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners and contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants…”

Geez!

Recently, I witnessed something I wish everyone could see:

PROOF that “kids these days” (and not just my 4) are just as good—maybe even better—than ever.

A few weeks ago, I took my 11-year-old and a friend with me to Lone Oak. They spent the morning saying hello to the animals in the animal farm, playing PickleBall, shooting baskets and exploring the woods.

Late in the morning, they stopped by my office to grab their lunch and eat on a bench near a pond.

I had just gotten off the phone when the boys finished their sandwiches and came through my office door.

And then "it" began. After ALL they had done that morning, they were still sharing those 2 famous words every parent loves to hear (cynicism) at some point during the first week of summer vacation, “We’re bored.”

I stopped to hunt for an idea.

Got it!

“Go make a fishing pole," I blurted out.

So they did—using a stick, a paper clip, some old twine from a barn, a grasshopper, and a rock.

Did they catch a fish? No.
But that wasn’t the goal. Making the pole was.

They spent hours as inventors, creators, gathers, problem-solvers, communicators and teammates.

Two hours later, they set the pole aside. We headed for home.

They asked if I’d hit “fly balls” to them in the front yard. I did.

When I got interrupted with a phone call or someone stopping by, they tossed the ball to each other—outside, in the sun, heat and humidity - patient, content, and fully present with one another.

Meanwhile, my 15-year-old daughter and some friends asked politely if they could go canoeing. They found life jackets and went.

Later, after coming home from their excursion, they jumped on the trampoline and played wiffle ball until dark.

As the stars came out, I helped them build a campfire in our backyard. They sat around it, talking. No cursing. No alcohol. No drugs. Just teenagers being teenagers.

I brought out plates of spaghetti. Each one responding with a “Thank you.” They were grateful.

I found a place in my favorite living room chair, watching the campfire in the backyard out the window and through the blinds, as our group of 14 and 15-year-olds laughed and chatted.

Just beyond the fire, I saw the light on in my shop. My 17-year-old had pulled out my car to turn the space into a makeshift barbershop. He’s giving friends haircuts, playing music, and joking.

My 11-year-old is inside, quietly watching a show with his “fishing pole” buddy—worn out from a full day of building, exploring, discovering while not catching fish.

So, when people talk about “kids these days,” I think of moments like this. It’s not just my kids—it’s their friends, classmates, and teammates. Are they perfect? No. Are they wonderful humans? Absolutely.

Sure, some of them are sitting around the fire scrolling on their phones. It’s 9 p.m.—most adults are doing the same thing in their living rooms. Can you blame them? They’ve never known a world without technology.

These kids laugh and joke.
They whine, complain, encourage, argue, scream, cry, and cheer.
They feel left out, included, lonely, loved.

All in a day. Just like we did years ago.

Getting frustrated with the time kids spend on their devices is like handing a drug addict marijuana and becoming annoyed when they light it up.

We created the world they live in.

So let’s stay in it with them.

Create a space like Lone Oak or your backyard with another option outside of a screen or device.

But above all, just share your time with them.

Your devoted, intentional time. Leave your "distraction" on your bedroom dresser, your work challenges at the office and your financial situation at the bank.

They want that time with you.

Go find your bat, glove, walking shoes, umbrella, fishing pole, lawn chair, firewood, baseball cap, garden gloves or knee brace. (all of which can be used at Lone Oak)

Count your blessings.
Love deeply.

Remain encouraged.

— Brian

The Power of an "Example"

Sat, 07 Jun 2025 12:09:52 GMT

The win/loss record is remembered for a few days.
The positive experience will remain for a lifetime.

A little league win/loss record is almost meaningless to me.

When our 13- and 14-year-olds began their baseball season a few months ago, I explained to every player:
“This season is just a warm-up for the game of life.”

At each practice and every game, we focused on the following:
Encouraging others, staying focused, paying attention to the details, working hard, maintaining positive body language, responding appropriately to failure, and finding a way to contribute to every single play—even from the dugout.

I explained, “The wins will come if we focus on improving this list.”

We won a few games… and lost a few. We laughed a lot and learned even more. We sweat, got hit by pitches, played remarkably well in some games, and walked away frustrated from others.

We discovered some hidden gifts in players. We adjusted when weaknesses stood out.

We also smiled, joked, and enjoyed every single day.

In the end, we finished with a winning record and placed 2nd overall.

Most importantly, we created a positive experience—something reflected in this letter I received from an opposing coach after the last game was played:

“Brian, please send this to your players and parents.

Dear Coaches, Players, and Parents,
I wanted to take a minute to send a personal note on behalf of myself, my coaching staff, and our players. It has been an honor to compete against you this season.

I’ve been coaching baseball since my son was six (he’s 14 now), and we’ve played hundreds of games across the state—rec, select, travel, etc. I’ve never come across a team, coaches, or parents as polite and respectful as yours.

Your kids played hard, every pitch, and never quit. That’s a testament to the coaches, parents, and, most of all, the players. They played the game the way it was meant to be played—with heart, hustle, and effort. I don’t think I ever saw one of your players take a play off.

You have a wonderful group. We wish you nothing but the best. I hope you all have a great summer and that our paths cross again.

Sincerely,
Chris”

The win/loss reco rd is remembered for a few days.
The positive experience, and influence on ourselves and others, will remain for a lifetime.

You decide what’s more important.

Job well done, team.

Remain encouraged,
Coach Brian

Intentional Influence (doesn't take hours of practice)

Wed, 04 Jun 2025 12:41:34 GMT

Then, and from a distance, I watched them interact...and it all made perfect sense.

A few days ago, I shared a story on social media.

Enough people reached out to me about that story made sense to them, we decided to share it on our blog.

Our goal is to encourage and inspire. We hope this helps.

My 11 year old wants to invite an 18 year old high school graduate to everything.

At first, I thought it was a little strange. Why does he keep asking if Cody can come to our house to play Blitz Ball, watch his little-league games, or to play video games with him?

Concerns ran through my head...

* Does my 11 year old son have any 11 year old friends?

* Has something happened with one of his classmates that I wasn't aware of?

* Is this normal behavior?

Then, and from a distance, I watched them interact as Eli congratulated his 18 year old friend on a basketball game well-played.

...and what an 18 year old did for my 11 year old...it all made perfect sense.

* He smiled

* He slowed down to acknowledge him

* He made eye contact

* He chose to speak 11 year old language…not 18 year old small talk

* He asked questions

* He showed genuine interest

* And he "frosted the cake" with a high-five

You have the ability to leave a lasting impression... no matter your age, gender, race, color, height, weight, shoe-size, or even the amount of time invested.

Remain Encouraged.

- Brian

What's Your Motivation?

Thu, 29 May 2025 13:23:49 GMT

Trust, connection, and value aren’t built through empty words or quick clicks.
They’re built through authenticity—and positive intention.

A few days ago, someone reached out to me online with a compliment about my profile and background.

“Pretty impressive…”

I’m all for encouragement. But something about that comment made me pause.

It felt oddly transactional. Like it was less about connection and more about positioning. Was he fishing for a compliment in return? Hoping I’d feel good enough about myself—or about him—to respond warmly and eventually buy whatever he was selling?

I couldn’t help but wonder: why share “impressive”?

If the goal was connection and conversation, why not lead with:

“You’ve had some unique experiences—I’d love to hear more,”
or,
“I really admire your work with kids. Would you be open to a phone call?”

His comment, even though complimentary, left me feeling like I was a part of a stategy...a bit empty...and less human.

I sensed this might be a coachable moment—so I responded, not out of ego or arrogance, but with honesty and intention:

“Thanks for the compliment. Just to be clear, I’m not interested in 'impressing' people as much as I am in living a life that leaves others—and the world—better off when I’m gone. Is there something I can help you with?”

I never got a reply.

That moment stayed with me—not because I was bothered by the silence, but because it reminded me of something deeper:
How easy it is to allow others’ reactions and responses motivate us.

We all crave affirmation. The “like” button. The heart emoji. A compliment dropped into our inbox.

Yes, encouragement matters—words can inspire us, uplift us, validate us.

But if we depend on that external approval to feel worthy, we’re left extremely vulnerable the moment it all disappears.

So here’s what I’ve learned—

Look beyond the dopamine hit of a “like.” They're gone as quickly as they came.
Don’t let someone else’s comment be your compass. Your direction comes from within.
Live in a way that doesn’t seek to impress—but to impact.

Because the truth is this:

Trust, connection, and value aren’t built through empty words or quick clicks.
They’re built through authenticity—and positive intention.

Remain Encouraged.

Powerful “Influencers" WITHOUT Social Media

Mon, 05 May 2025 15:10:29 GMT

He made me feel like Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers .

He believed in me—especially when I didn’t believe in myself.

In those moments, it wasn’t about my performance on the court or in the classroom.

It was about me....and the authentic value he knew I held.

Wait...What? Influence without social media?

I wonder if anyone under the age of 60 will even read this article.

Will my effort go unnoticed—lost between “influencers” and "media?"

In my 50 years, I’ve been shaped by a handful of extraordinary leaders. People I will never forget. People, and their actions, who have made a lasting impact long before social media ever existed.

Like my small-town (less than 300), high-school (less than 80 students), basketball coach.

He’d pull up to our Kansas farmhouse in his blue, Ford Ranger around 7 a.m. on dark, snowy Saturday mornings, ready to hunt pheasant with me until noon. It was ALWAYS the mornings after a Friday night game. He’d sit there quietly in our gravel driveway, waiting for the sun to rise.

My mom would nudge me awake: “Coach Heinz is here...waiting in his truck.”

We called him "Herb" from of the 1980's show "WKRP in Cincinnati." He dressed well and wore a plaid jacket every time he coached.

I’d roll out of bed, grab my gear and hop in his truck without saying much.

He never had much time for small talk anyway.

Just questions...and they would start before we got to the first field:
“What did you think about last night’s game?”
“What could we have done better?”
“How did YOU feel?”

After walking through that first field of tall grass, milo or corn, the questions got more personal:
“How’s school? Your grades? Friends? How are Mom and Dad?”

Then he'd move into the future:
“So what happens after high school? Anything you want to do?”

He made me feel like Jimmy Chitwood in Hoosiers. He believed in me—especially when I didn’t believe in myself.

In those moments, it wasn’t about performance on the court or in the classroom. It was about me. As a person.

Those hunts weren’t about birds. They were about presence.
Mentorship in camouflage.

The most influential people in my life have rarely "posted content." They weren’t tracking followers.

But they changed my life more than any viral moment ever could.

They were steady. Intentional. Consistent.

Their influence wasn’t flashy—it was meaningful to the core....and relational.

Today, influence is too often equated with visibility. But real influence happens when no one’s watching. When no one is counting hearts, thumbs, claps, or shares.

In my eyes, it looks like someone showing up. Asking questions. And sticking around to truly hear the answer.

I want to be someone’s "Herb."

It was never about his name, the pheasants, the early mornings, or the baseball game the night before.
It was about a place for him to listen, encourage and guide.

He was someone who helps others see their own potential...and rise to it...just by being there.

The proof is in his own kids, how they treat others, and how they live their lives.

I want to help build spaces where business leaders, coaches, teachers, moms, dads, and mentors can show up fully—undistracted and present—for the people who need them most.

Because here’s the truth:

You don’t need a platform to be an influencer.

You need less attention...and just a little more intention.
The right moment.
And the desire to show up.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

www.LoneOakRetreat.com/about-us

Lightening Their Load

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 17:17:37 GMT

Everyone is Carrying Something.

I sat in the passenger seat of our minivan after a Sunday church service a few months ago. My 17-year-old son sat quietly next to me in the driver’s seat. We were waiting patiently for his three younger siblings to get a donut at the monthly “Sunday Social.” I watched the stream of people walking out the front doors of the church, making their way to their cars, some lingering to chat with neighbors and friends in the warm morning sun.

I glanced over at Joe. He was watching too.

“Ya know,” I began, “there’s not one person in that entire congregation who isn’t going through something challenging. Just know that. Every single person has something they’re carrying.”

“Is that why you’re always trying to encourage other people?” he asked.

“Yep,” I replied. “You just never know how heavy that load is or how much help you can be.”

The quiet that followed wasn’t awkward—it was thoughtful. I sat with my own words for a moment. I realized how deeply I believed them. Encouraging others isn’t just a habit I picked up. It’s become a calling, born from my own battles and the quiet knowledge that life is heavier than most people let on.

I looked out at the crowd again. It seemed like well over a hundred people, still standing around in groups, chatting casually. I knew it would be rare to find even five people in that crowd who weren’t struggling with something—alcohol, parenting, packed schedules, money, wavering faith, aging parents, chronic illness, job stress, an abusive boss, past trauma, or even just a deep feeling of being unseen and alone. Everyone wears a smile, but underneath, there's often something else.

I thought of a friend who once shared the hidden costs of running his own business—layoffs, a fraud investigation, having to fire close friends, bad partnerships, threats from angry ex-employees, even notes hand-delivered to his home by stakeholders who had lost money. He told me about friendships that didn’t survive those hard decisions. His words have stayed with me. They remind me of how much we don’t see when we look at someone’s life from the outside.

Maybe that’s why I try to show up for people in small ways—a smile, a check-in text, a kind word in a hard moment. Not because I think I can fix anyone’s problems, but because I know the value of someone simply noticing. I want my kids to see that. I want them to know that being a source of light doesn’t require grand gestures. It just takes being aware, being kind, and being willing to step into someone else’s hard day with a small amount of acknowledgement.

The weight someone else is carrying is most likely heavier than we can imagine. And sometimes, the smallest bit of encouragement—just a kind word—can feel like a lifeline.

If our work at Lone Oak was only about RV space, food service, hotel rooms, and retreats, I’m not sure how motivated we’d be to keep going. But it’s more than that. It’s about people. So instead of just getting up, going to work, reserving spaces, and answering emails, I brought two of my kids to Lone Oak this morning, along with a few friends, just to play. I spent ten minutes talking with a new RV guest who still deeply misses his late wife, even after ten years. And I shared a few fun moments in conversation with Buddy and Matt.

No matter the profession, job title, or responsibilities, we all have the ability to lighten someone else’s load—even if just for a moment—simply by saying, “I see you.”

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

www.LoneOakRetreat.com/about-us

"The Long-Lasting Influence of the Encourager will win over the Nice Guy every time."

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 20:38:48 GMT

Three Simple Steps to Begin Living a Life grounded in Courageous Moments.

I've been called "a nice guy."

In reality, I'm probably nicer than some and not as nice as others.

Knowing I can "be nice" may FEEL good, but I'd rather my time, effort and energy be utilized as the ENCOURAGER. An Encourager is defined as "someone who inspires, supports, and motivates others with the courage or confidence to do, or be, something."

Earlier this afternoon, a close friend left my office on her way to a really important job interview.

My last words to her before she got in her truck, "Just go be you. Nothing more. Nothing less. That's plenty!"

I did not say, "good luck."

She didn't need luck. She was prepared. She simply needed the courage to be herself...and that was going to be enough.

What I've realized about being the Encourager is the depth to which your influence can matter. The impact last longer than the short response provided when someone compliments someone else on their stylish shoes. In addition, it doesn't require a genius IQ, a polished resume, the infamous bloodline, or the Maserati to be encouraging. If you'll look deeper than the surface, you'll find a multitude of opportunities to share some courage.

This is why I take the "Practical Encourager" position in everything...and it continues to share the benefits.

Here are a few simple ways the "Practical Encourager" will produce untold benefits in your day to day.

* Genuinely Smile (all the time)...a genuine smile brings you and others off the defense. It allows them to warm up to you and affectively hear what you're saying. The very best police officers, security guards, school teachers, principals, CEO's, janitors, automechanics and bus drivers are those that smile genuinely every chance they get (and statistically get paid more).

* Ask about them (right away)...when the cafe server welcomes you with a smile and menu, stop taking the menu from them while you ask about the daily specials. Instead, look them in the eye and ask, "How's YOUR day?" or "What's YOUR name?" It lets them know, without getting weirdly personal, that you see yourself as their equal (because you are). You don't know if they were short on rent last month, their girlfriend broke up with them 20 minutes ago, their boss just yelled at them or their dad didn't call them on their birthday (earlier that day). Once you bring a human element into the relationship, you're no longer on seperate teams. At that moment, the "flow" begins to happen and your own experience will be upgraded in so many ways.

* Serve them (and don't expect to be served)...whether your dining in their cafe, riding in their cab, staying in their hotel or learning in their classroom, get in the habit of asking this very influential questions, "What can I do for you today?" It will take people offguard, so be prepared. If you're genuine about helping them, you're primed for another upgrade.

Despite the ease in which Encouragement can be shared, and the benefits to producing more courage, society still stands in a deficit.

In the next blog post, I'll share the primary reason WHY more people don't encourage others ...and a few ways you can begin living a life created in courageous moments.

Be Encouraging (comment on...or share this article),

Brian

Why Do Others Talk Over You?

Wed, 19 Mar 2025 14:00:11 GMT

WHY others talk over you.

HOW it makes you feel.

WHAT to do when it happens.

He's known to do it. He's waiting for his opportunity. And here it comes...

You're at the office with coworkers, in a restaurant with friends, or at a holiday dinner with family. You’re sharing a story about something meaningful. Midway through your explanation, you take a dramatic breath as you prepare to conclude your thoughts. Before you can begin, he decides to inject their own perspective with force…pulling all attention away from you and on to him. You look at him. Irritation sets in. You see his mouth moving, but you can’t hear him speak. As you recognize your time to share has been stolen for a moment, you wonder if others feel the same awkwardness.

Your heart begins to boil...

WHY would anyone do this?

After watching 1000’s of these situations at home, work, with friends, and in every personal and professional environment imaginable, I’ve come to one general conclusion.

Those that choose to talk over others are scared. They’re fearful of not feeling, or being seen as, valuable in the present moment. For many people, listening or not being in the spotlight, means taking the back seat of lesser value. In that moment, they don't feel that they matter as much. They’re like a caged wolf in the back of the zoo. No one pays them any attention. They can no longer endure another moment without some level of notoriety. Eventually, they do something impulsive to seek attention.

They are overwhelmed with fear and the insecurity in their very existence. And they feel an action step needs to be taken, immediately, to make that fear go away.

So…interruption pursues…

(Side Hint: Catch kids BEFFORE they feel the need to be impulsive - and they won't act out.)

HOW does it make you feel?

When interrupted, our brains go into FIGHT or FLEE mode. We start with some confusion (Wait...what? - Interruption is crossgrain to “flow.”). We then try to reason (Did that really just happen?). Reality is discovered (It did. That goon just stole the stage.). And we move quickly to being annoyed, irritated or even angry, and perhaps a little hurt while initiating some level of insecurity of our own.

Then we react: Fight or Run Away.

WHAT do we do? An alternative response.

Before we decide to Fight (power struggle) or Flee (give up and leave the party), I’d like to propose a third option.

Many will tell you to get in a power struggle (Men use the phrase, "man up"). Speak your mind. Put them in their place. You’re just as important as they are (that's just a reminder).

It might sound like this, “Dude! Don’t cut me off until I’m finished. I was talking."

These responses can be grounded in our own fear of being left alone and without listeners valuing our comments. It can also escalate the entire situation. Without knowing HOW your opponent (because that's what he is now) will respond to your demand, you run the risk of an argument with no end in sight.

Keep in mind, it’s challenging to reason with someone, the interrupter, who is scared that others don’t value their own presence?

It’s like trying to feed a pork chop to an abused Rottweiler. They don't have the capacity to engage on a healthy level with a human. They are closed off to anyone or anything. Only trying to protect their own presence. By trying to reason, overpower or control the situation, you may only escalate it.

As you sit and watch their mouth move, you realize you have 3 options:

Power Forward

Tell them to stop talking or begin speaking a little louder to try and "overpower" your opponent.

I'm never a big fan of the power struggle. In the end, there will be a winner and a loser. And you run the risk of eliminating a win-win…always the best result.

2. Back Away

After being interrupted, step back 6 inches, then 1 foot, followed by 4, 5 and 10 feet until you are no longer in their presence. This gets you out, but eliminates any opportunity to share your thoughts, story, & insite…leaving you and your listeners at a deficit.

I'm not a fan of this option either.

3. Find Your Win

Stop talking (when interrupted), it's pointless for 2 people to be talking at the same time. Just as the human brain can't listen to 2 songs at the same time and hear every note. Keep a confident stare and let the entire room know you've quickly transitioned to "secure, respectful, confident listener" but really don't appreciate the interruption. The group feels the dynamic shift. Their level of respect, and empathy, for you will increase immediately. Securely, let the other human find their way to the end of their comment. The longer they take, the deeper the hole they're digging for themselves.

At the precise moment they stop, ask them, confidently, "would you mind if I finished now?" If yes, share as if they've never said anything. Your ability to manage the direction of the conversation will fascinate your listeners.

If they respond to the request with a longer story or a "I'm not finished," let the group know, "We’re all at an impasse if just one person in our group isn't interested in what others have to say."

Every human will always desire a balance in a relationship over one person's desire to be heard.

This works brilliantly with kids, in sales, leadership and any situation that involves communication and humans (or animals).

And lastly, before we throw too many stones, let’s admit, we've all been the interrupter at some point. Afterward, feeling foolish and insecure, wishing we would have kept our mouth closed.

I’d also encourage you to take note of some of the quietest people in the room, gymnasium, living room or office. Most of the time, these souls will hold the highest levels of confidence, security, wisdom and power. Pull a chair up next to them, open and ear, and enjoy the adventure.

What does this have to do with Lone Oak Ranch? Without healthy amounts of time away from the hustle and bustle of your own life, we become worn down, tired and emotionally charged. Having a place to take a deep breath, recharge, experience nature, and find yourself at peace, you’ll discover a more efficient path to the best end result…in your work, at home and with others.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

Do You Really Know Who You Are?

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 13:29:36 GMT

"Genuine relationships, intentionally orchestrated by personally secure people, generate valuable rewards for everyone."

A close friend of mind is a classic INTROVERT. She's very kind, communicative, intelligent, confident and direct. She loves to read, learn, share, understand and lead like any strong business owner does.

I sent her a short article, recently. It shared a middle aged woman explaining how she used to look at her "introvertedness" as a weakness. Now her viewpoint has changed, and she sees being an introvert as a superpower!

I believe my friend may also view her quieter side as a weakness. So I forwarded the article to my friend and explained, "This is how I see you in all your introvertedness...strong, powerful and confident. You are a superpower!"

My friend responded to my note of encouragement...
"I can’t wait for the day you're reaching 1,000's of people like this, regularly! It’s not any less meaningful that you reached just 1 person, like me, today, but it’s a genuine wish from me to others to be able to receive the same gift. Made my day!"

Our goal is to experience guests taking action upon what they've learned about themselves. By doing this, we've seen the improved quality of life in everything they are currently experiencing. A few success summaries we've enjoyed...

☀️ Professionals, business owners, and employees understanding how to use their already existing gifts to their largest advantage, improve their bottom line, solidify relationships within teams, and lead more affectively.

☀️ Husbands & wives have been encouraged on a pathway toward a more secure marriage and improved ways of communicating clearly.

☀️ Dads & moms becoming aware of all the small things they can do to create beautiful relationships with their children.

"Genuine relationships, intentionally orchestrated by personally secure people, generate valuable rewards for everyone."

At Peace in the Present

Fri, 14 Feb 2025 14:31:07 GMT

"Of course, personal and professional challenges continue to lurk in the dark corners of my life...and though they try, they will not steal my joy or the peace I feel in this moment."

It felt early as I found my way to my office chair at Lone Oak and sat down. There was very little movement anywhere when I drove in from my home 20 minutes away on this Friday morning. I opted to keep the overhead lights off to prevent any distractions that may be looming. I arrived over 20 minutes ago and the digital clock on the corner of my desk now reads 6:12am. The window shade is open giving me what would normally be a full view of our front yard, parking area and main gate, but I can’t see anything through the darkened abyss and past the window frame. With only 1 lamp illuminating a small portion of my wooden desktop and computer keyboard, I can only see 2 lights at the front gate as I stare out into the darkness. Warm, bright, sun rays will still be deeply submerged for another 45 minutes in the darkness of winter.

I lit the wood burning stove in the large, main office earlier this morning in preparation for the rest of our team to arrive in a few hours. It's our primary heat source for that space, and I know they appreciate stepping into a warm, comfortable space warmed by a natural fire from the trees we harvested a few months ago just 50 yards from the front door. The small heater in my office is warming my space nicely. I hear the faint sound of classical music being played through the Bluetooth speaker on the other corner of my desk. My breathing is slow and easy.

I’m at peace.

I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the work we do with our team and guests. The food we prepare, the lawns we groom, the rooms we clean, and the trees we trim.

Of course, personal and professional challenges continue to lurk in the dark corners of my life. And though they try, they will not steal my joy or the peace I feel in this moment.

Matt, our facilities director, just popped his head in my office door. It broke my quiet, peaceful thought process, but he wanted to share a very brief update. He explained how he, and the rest of the team, had a large job they were going to tackle later that day. A full turnover of our rooms and meeting spaces in just a few hours. He simply wanted to reassure me that it was going to go well and would get accomplished without any issues. He left in less than 3 minutes.

More peace…and even more gratitude. I wondered what I had done to deserve such good friends in the team we had assembled.

It's now 7:00am. A bit of light is beginning to open to a clear, blue sky. I see the faint outline of a few, large Oak trees and our pasture fence through the darkness and outside the same window. It’s time to engage in the process.

Right here. Right now. I’m at peace in this moment.

Lone Oak is an 81 acre, wooded retreat center & RV campground located less than 1 hour north of DFW airport. On a blacktop road 10 minutes from Lake Ray Roberts, Lone Oak uses a variety of amenities (animal farm, hiking trails, fishing ponds, pickle ball, dog park and more), full service RV sites, themed hotel rooms, guest homes, cabins, meal service and meeting spaces to share quiet, distraction-free experiences for guests in search of discovering the same peace we all desire.

Remain Encouraged,

- Brian

Understanding the Power of a GIFT

Wed, 29 Jan 2025 23:19:26 GMT

If all we're focusing on are problems, how many REMARKABLE GIFTS are passing us by?

Have you ever missed recognizing the value in something/someone because you were so busy trying to solve the problem(s)?

The "c" on one, individual math paper overshadowed the 5 A's your daughter recently received on her last report card. The cookie crumbs your spouse accidentally dropped on the floor trumps the fact that they just finished folding 3 loads of laundry. Your staff member forgot to call a customer back yesterday, and you disregard the 6, client emails you received last week complimenting them on their attention to detail & great communication.

I've got a car that just accumulated 300,000 miles! Call me old-school, but I was disappointed when my 10 year old was the only person in our home that wanted to drive that last mile, see it click over to 300k, immediately stop along the roadside, and then sit and just STARE at the odometer. It wasn't a trip to Disney World...but pretty darn close.

That same, 300,000 mile, evening there was a light mist in the air. I reached for the switch and turned on the windshield wipers to get a clear visual of the path ahead. It was then that I realized the passenger side wiper had a small streak it was leaving on the bottom of the windshield with each passing swipe. Hard to believe, right? I mean, really, you'd think they'd make them last longer than 300,000 miles. :)

I watched it for a moment, then created a plan in my head to purchase a replacement wiper blade later that week.

It wasn't until the next day that I realized something magnificent about that car. Every part of the motor, transmission, tires, and lights were working perfectly. The air conditioner, heater, seat adjustments, dashboard, and nearly every knob, dial and gauge (not all) were exact and accurate.

So why did I just keep staring at that ONE DANG WIPER BLADE?!?!?!

The Strength's Perspective was a strategy I learned in graduate school. To explain, by focusing on the positive aspects, or "gifts," in anyone or anything, it leaves the challenging and less attractive issues of the situation in the shadows. The "deficits" become unimportant and overridden.

Most of the time, a concentration on the more positive perspectives will result in a 2-fold benefit: (1) It leaves only the beneficial attributes to be showcased, and (2), the problem may eliminate itself.

I'm not an advocate for throwing caution to the wind when things need to be fixed, but if I fertilize the healthy grass in my yard, eventually thick grass will take over the unwanted weeds and leave me with a lush golf course.

Now don't be too hard on yourself if you're realizing you're a "problem seeker." Most people are...and there are a variety of reasons WHY humans lean into fixing things by focusing on the weaknesses as opposed to the strengths. (Some of these will be discussed in a book in the very near future.)

But the primary reason we focus on problems is due to our DESIRE to SURVIVE.

Since the beginning of time, our primary goal has been pretty simple: STAY ALIVE. We do this, first and foremost, by eliminating the threat. We discover the threat, issue, challenge or problem and proceed to fix or eliminate it. We then live to see another day. This process worked really well when our lives were consistently threatened by a wolf, tiger, bear, famine or disease.

So, by only staring at the problem, we prevent ourselves from looking ahead and "outside" the existing situation. Our concentration is only in the immediate need.

Today, the threat of being eaten alive is reasonably rare, but our DESIRE to eliminate ANY “threat” remains a high priority.

If all we're focusing on are problems, how many REMARKABLE GIFTS are passing us by?

This morning, my internet browser is running a little slow (could be due to the 64 tabs I have open), but my word processor (what I’m writing on) is working perfectly. “So, Brian (I talk to myself in third person a lot), just write. You’re fine. The doors are locked. No wolves close by. You’re safe. Stay focused. And continue to concentrate on accomplishing, creating, and progressing...on the offense...where great things happen.”

What does all of this have to do with Lone Oak? Well, we work to stay on the offense, eliminate distraction, and keep you focused on the gifts, benefits and strengths you'll need to see a positive end result and a balanced, healthy life.

We help you focus on all the things that are going your way. In time, the weeds will get tired of trying to grow, and you'll be left with only the best.

Enjoy your week on the bright side...and above all, remain encouraged.

- Brian

A More Meaningful Christmas Season

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 22:03:29 GMT

I believe we use the "it's not productive" excuse to avoid conversations that go deeper in a relationship than

whether or not the Cowboys won their game last weekend.

It was a Thursday afternoon and shortly after lunch. I sat at my desk in the Lone Oak office, reflecting on what I needed to do next. Well, to be completely honest, I was more focused on mustering some level of motivation to begin my next task.

I had just wrapped up a project that morning. And normally around 2 p.m., every day, I hit my lowest energy point. I know this from experience—I’ve tracked my energy levels throughout each day for years, paying close attention to how they fluctuate. (Don’t ask me to do anything that important at 2pm.)

At that moment, I was stalled out.

I got up and walked out into our main office where I found Lexa, hard at work coordinating our next event. She looked up from her computer and asked, “You ok?” The look on my face in combination with my body language most likely said, “I’m dying here…no energy…looking for a distraction.”

I’m confident she was praying for a phone call or some other deterrent that would keep her from entertaining my plea to do anything but find another project. However, she was nice enough to entertain me with some idle chit chat for a moment. I began to realize a reality in our 3 minute conversation. I have an infatuation, some would say my addiction, with getting things accomplished. Progress feeds my madness. I began to ask myself, “Could there be a benefit in slowing down, leaving progress on the back burner, and trying to have a little more fun with those people around me?”

My dad, the infamous farmer in Kansas, has always said, “We need to make progress. It's why we’re here.”

And though I agree with dad, and realize his work ethic and focus on progress are a few things that have allowed him to be successful, I wondered if my "balance" may be in question. It’s important to drive progress and “accomplish,” but I’ve also discovered beauty through a slower pace.

The balance I’ve discovered between “productivity” and “stillness” has been rewarding. In fact, game changing…and strangely enough, I believe I make just as much progress, or more, when I've discovered that balance.

This morning, just a few days before Christmas, I came to Lone Oak with a few projects in mind. I got them done by 10:30AM. I then spent the next 2 hours in a deeper conversation with Buddy, our newest employee, in the office and around the wood burning stove. We talked about how life was going to look 12 months from that day. He shared the progress he wanted to make and the things that were most important to him. He promised to write those things down and go back to them regularly so they remained fresh on his mind.

We talked about his dad who passed away when Buddy was seventeen, and my sister's battle, a few years ago, with a terminal brain tumor. It was a comforting & meaningful conversation. Some would say, "unproductive." But I believe we use the "it's not productive" excuse to avoid conversations that go deeper in a relationship than whether or not the Cowboys won their game last weekend.

As we wrapped up our conversation, Buddy shared a comment with a question attached to it, “I can’t believe you took that much time with me.” I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I felt great about the encouragement and clarity we were able to deposit in one another’s emotional bank accounts. We’re a better team because of the time we took.

During the holidays, and nearly any time of year, it’s easy to get caught up in all the hosting, doing, baking, cleaning & other activities. Take a moment to shut it all down for a bit. Listen to yourself breathe. Ask a friend a question and sit back while you wait for their answer.

You don’t have to be running Clark W. Griswold’s Christmas Festival 365 days out of the year for your life to be a success. Find a quiet street and invite Grandpa to go for a walk. While on your stroll, ask him about what Christmas was like when he was ten…then sit back and wait for an answer. His response will be a gift.

Remain encouraged, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,

Brian

Selling Silence

Wed, 18 Dec 2024 22:17:46 GMT

His personal or work life, itself, had not changed in the last 3 days and during his stay with us. His email inbox kept accumulating, the bank account was still there, and his business was still his business. So what was different?

A few weeks ago, a middle-aged man in his 40’s stopped by our office on his way home to Dallas after a quiet, 3-day, stay in one of our hotel rooms. Our check-out process doesn’t require you to stop by the office. In fact, to save you time and energy, we encourage our guests to leave their key in the room and turn the lights and heat/ac off. We don’t want to bother you with another responsibility (a trip to the office) during your transition back into the “real world.”

His stop at the office had me wondering if something had been wrong with his room or with his stay in general. He pulled up in his car, I greeted him outside and welcomed him inside.

A month ago he had called with a request I remember clearly, “I’m looking at your website, it seems so peaceful. Can you provide me with a space for a few days with REAL peace and quiet? My life has become so hectic. I need to stop, think and reset for a moment. I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel and need to find a way off.”

I suspected Lone Oak would be the perfect fit and got his room reserved.

My new friend and I sat down in our office that morning. He looked happy. Not the kind of “happy” you’d expect from someone that just won the lottery…the non-stop talking, laughing and jumping up and down. Rather, the kind of peace and contentment that stems from quality rest, limited distraction and time in a quiet space. An awareness that arrives when hurry and worry are eliminated, and a higher sense of personal security is achieved. It was gratifying to simply be in his presence.

He took a deep breath, leaned back in his chair and asked me a question, “ If you could sum up in 3 words what you’re selling at Lone Oak, what would they be?”

I thought for a moment as I looked at the wood burning stove next to me. It creates a natural and calm “warmth” in our office. It’s the same stove I grew up warming myself next to after so many snowy and frigid pheasant hunts at my parent’s farm in Kansas. I heard the sound of the wood, oxygen and flames burning next to me. I looked around at the wooden furniture and “old-school” desks. The grandfather clock I made in high school sat against the wall and the 75 year old chandelier positioned exactly in the middle of the room hung from the ceiling. This particular, wooden chandelier had been hand-made decades earlier by our former facility director’s father.

With the exception of the fire roaring inside the stove, the room was silent. The kind of “quiet” that can create awkwardness, especially when shared only between two adult men. Most men seem to get uncomfortable in silence. Perhaps they prefer busyness, loud television sets and other distractions so as to avoid any realization of areas they know they can, personally, improve. Though rewarding in the end, it can be difficult to listen to that inner voice tell us areas we may not be operating at our potential.

Many would have considered the room that morning, “too quiet.” Especially after considering the amount of noise and distraction we inadvertently absorb every day.

I thought back to his question…what do we sell? It struck me at that moment how we serve others in the most foundational and fundamental way. I responded bluntly to his question, “Silence and Simplicity. That’s what we share…Silence and Simplicity.”

He smiled, looked up from the table and shared a quote that will stay with me forever.

“A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy can live.

Our end result is to experience your happiness and while we watch your worry melt away. We understand the world is full of challenges, but by placing yourself in a place of lesser distraction, somehow, humans find a path to a different perspective in the same situation.

The same spaghetti-like existence can be viewed as an opportunity when given a moment to unravel.

The simplicity and the silence allow the unraveling process to happen.

Here’s to accepting life from a different perspective.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

Improving Your Monday

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 16:28:09 GMT

If I find myself saying in a dark tone, "it's Monday...bum..bum..bum" and "thank Goodness it's Friday" over and over again, I may not be leaning into the things that will resurrect a valuable, influential and productive week.

Improving Your Mondays

You've just enjoyed a fun weekend relaxing, watching tv, reading (ya right) and enjoying time with friends and family. You stayed up a little later at night and slept in a few extra hours each morning.

Now it's time to start your week..

You and your co-workers arrive at work on Monday morning still resonating about all the free time and engaging activities you accomplished the last 48 hours. I understand, some days just feel like you're up against the wrong end of the horse. Your subconscious brain is still basking in the relaxed schedule, limited responsibility and unlimited fun your weekend just produced.

You pull into the business parking lot and start feeling your gears grinding. “Reality” begins to set in and you start recognizing…

I have to actually get something done today. “They’re” watching me.
There are responsibilities that directly affect my co-workers, customers and my family.
Aaahhhh! And someone is holding me accountable to those things!

Total drag!

You take a breath and slump a little in your car seat. THIS ISN’T NEARLY AS FUN as eating popcorn, sitting on the couch, drinking my cheap beer and watching football all day. (A quick thought enters your mind…I wonder if the casino is open this morning? If I hit it big, my life would be perfect!)

You make a logical decision (one your mom would be proud of), turn off the engine, get out of your car and walk through the front door of your workplace. A burdensome cloud is felt from just overhead. Even though you’re safely indoors, it feels damp. You look up to see if it's actually about to start pouring on your dry head.

You approach your co-worker at the office desk and right inside the door. You’re doing your best to just get to your workspace without being seen by too many people. You walk by and realize you can’t avoid human contact the rest of the day. So you put on your best, fake smile and present the question you really don’t want to know the answer to.

“Good morning! How was your weekend?”

Their response, “Good. It’s Muuuundaaaay.” (The only thing missing at the end of their comment was the dramatic music in a low tone…bum…bum…bum.)

Lets think about this…

The beginning of the week is naturally going to feel a little different then the end of the week. But does it have to be challenging, uninviting, stressful…even repulsive?

I would hope not. Perhaps a big assumption, but if I live only another 20 years, I’ve got over 1000 Mondays to digest. So though they may feel different…different doesn’t have to be something we resent.

There is a LIGHT!

Think about how you feel today (Thursday or Friday) vs how you felt this past Monday morning. Pay special attention to your “desire” or your motivation to dig a little deeper.

Are you interested in completing a project or having a productive conversation?

Or do you feel the need to submit to your natural tendencies and abandon progress altogether?

Are you interested in contributing and creating value on both sides of your “Wednesday?”

Or by Thursday at 10am are you looking to check out, grab the fishing pole, and “see ya when I see ya?”

These feelings are telling you something. And depending on how much personal responsibility you’re willing to accept, your response to those feelings is the driving force in your graduation toward a better week AND a much higher quality of life.

I’ve recognized there are really helpful answers & responses that can help you gain some necessary and immediate motivation. As long as you can muster the courage to take action steps on the answers, your Mondays (and your life) will improve.

It’s important to "feel" your way through your Monday. From where does your motivation, your joy, anxiety or lack of interest arrive? These answers are the foundation of your week, life and mission.

Begin here…

I spend about 30 minutes each Sunday creating a plan for my week. I’m an advocate for that small amount of time, and I’d encourage you to do the same. The process normally goes like this…

I sit in silence for a minute.

Then I ask myself, “What could I be doing more or less of? What has been helpful toward real progress? What am I doing right? What am I lacking? What can I do differently?”

I take a few notes about whether or not I'm looking forward to the week while I answer these questions. Clarifying HOW you feel is half the battle.

I feel _______ about this coming week.

(anxious, excited, stressed, ready to go, down and out, jazzed, etc.)

I feel this way because _________.

(I’m behind. I’m ahead. I need to have a difficult conversation with someone. A big presentation to give. I feel like our team is firing on all cylinders. I’m confused about something and need clarity. I wasn’t upfront about something. I didn’t turn in great work last week. I’m excited to see what I can accomplish. I feel like I’m making a difference.)

Then I create action steps by answering these questions.

In an effort to eliminate a bad feeling or generate more good feelings…

I need to have conversations with ________

(A customer. A co-worker. My supervisor, spouse or my mom) about __________ (Something I/they said or didn’t say. Something I/they did or didn’t do.).

I could get excited for Monday morning if ________ were true.

(I made more money. I had other/additional responsibilities. I didn’t have to do ____ all day. My exercise program worked better. I felt healthier. I would have gotten more rest this weekend. I didn’t drink so much alcohol.)

My stress level would drop this week if I __________, or I changed this habit: ____________.

Without question, I will complete or take massive strides forward on ____________ by Monday afternoon. I’ll work on nothing else until it is complete.

(That project. That spreadsheet. That home improvement. That conversation. Those notes. That email).

The plan I create on Sunday is meant to generate a "Healthy Monday" AND keep my energy levels and motivation high throughout the week.

Example: I knew I needed to finish this article by Thursday night. If I hadn’t created a plan, it would have been too easy to leave my office at 1pm on Thursday afternoon. It wouldn’t have gotten done, and my stress level and anxiety would be higher for not finishing it.

A Monday without a plan leaves me confused and unmotivated the entire day, while Thursday and Friday feel depressed for not having accomplished what I know I could have done.

The lack of a plan leaves me WORKING TO ESCAPE the things I need to be doing to drive progress forward. Essentially, digging a bigger hole to jump in, avoiding humans, and feeling like my life isn’t what it should be.

DON'T play the victim. The plan doesn't have to feature a 100 point checklist. Create a few areas that you know if you "leaned into" those challenges, your life would improve.

A "Healthy Monday" should be creative, energy-driven, and thought provoking. In a healthy culture, it should leave you with a desire to engage with co-workers and supervisors, finding projects that need help and creating value every step of the way.

In the end, creating Healthy Mondays will leave you sharing value, motivating others, and with an overabundance of opportunity and resources to share in the future.

Remain Encouraged and TGIM,

Brian

Who Is Our Biggest Critic?

Mon, 28 Oct 2024 19:49:27 GMT

Rarely will we meet anyone that wakes up in the morning with a genuine desire to create errors, fail, or initiate chaos for themselves or others.

Earlier this month my friend, Danny, stopped by Lone Oak, unannounced. He is a welder by trade and can fix nearly anything on the planet with his bare hands and usually the tools and parts within arms-reach. As busy as we both are, I don’t normally get a chance to see him during the week, so this was a nice surprise.

He pulled up just as we were finishing a tour with two energetic ladies who had discovered Lone Oak for their women’s retreat next year. I had just given directions to a local pumpkin patch to one of our RV guests, and I was about to meet with Chef David about food service. I had a lot happening but could tell Danny needed something.

I saw him standing outside our office door and waiting patiently alongside someone I had never met. I walked outside and onto the office porch to greet them and meet his friend. They explained that they were in our area doing some welding work on a large, gated entrance. They were in need of a specific tool and asked if I had one they could borrow. Lone Oak was closer than Danny’s shop, so in an effort to save time and finish the job more quickly, he was requesting some assistance.

Side note: It’s encouraging to me when others ask for help. It’s a beautiful way we can showcase some additional value for others. It affirms we’re opening our doors to others and presenting the mission we want to share (You’re valuable to us, and we’re here to help.).

As we made our way to the shop for the tools they needed to do the job, they explained the situation, and more specifically, why the repair was needed.

Within the last week, the gentleman who accompanied Danny had been picking up large round bales in a field nearby. He had loaded, hauled and unloaded hundreds of bales in his history and had never had an issue. This particular time, and while pulling into the field and through the entrance gate, he clipped the side of the gate with the trailer he was pulling. It did some damage to the trailer and left the gate in need of repair.

It was an accident. There was no ill intent. He wasn’t rushing. He had simply lost concentration on the task at hand for a moment as he thought about the 12 other things he needed to do that day. He is human. He made a mistake. And I could tell he felt absolutely horrible about it.

As he explained what had happened, I noticed the sadness and guilt in his voice and face. He shared with harsh judgment toward himself about what he had done to someone else’s property. In his own words, “This just isn’t something I do. I was a pilot in the Air Force and am still flying for a major airline. I was thinking about some other things. And for a moment, I forgot I was pulling that trailer. I haven’t slept well since I did it. I can’t believe I let myself make such a dumb mistake.”

After they got the tools they needed, I made my way back to the office and thought about his comments.

He was really beating himself up, I thought, and over what seemed like a reasonably small (and fixable) mistake. No one lost a life, a limb, or even that much time or money. He was sorry, had apologized to the owner of the gate, and was willing to fix it. And I’m quite confident the owner was understanding.

So why was he so disappointed in himself? He’s human. We live in an imperfect world. Aren’t mistakes going to happen from time to time?

I witnessed him burning valuable energy on disappointment, guilt, and the “I should be better than this” negative self assessment. Energy he could have been positively using on his family and friends.

Where would he have learned that a mistake, any error, should haunt him at such immeasurable levels?

I sat down in my office chair and thought about the mistakes I’ve made, and the responses I’ve received. What self-image was created after doing something wrong...a bad pass on the court, the flag on the football field that prevented a touchdown, or the “C” in Biology.

Essentially, when I messed up, how did the leaders in front of me respond?

I thought about the world we live in that continues to equate “value” with the number of widgets created and sold. The net profits, fewer glitches, no mistakes and perfection as the target. All of which are admirable goals, but I began thinking about the best methods to achieve these goals….and I questioned the processes I’ve seen used in the past.

I wondered how many have grown up made to feel that mistakes are what “losers” create. If you make them, you’re less valuable than those that don’t…and there is a place for the “mistake makers” at the back of the line.

The world is full of moving parts, what other stressors my new friend may have had on his mind that may have distracted him from the task at hand? Challenges we all face with kids, co-workers, supervisors, spouses, parents, homes, yards, finances, school, teachers, coaches and supervisors.

I wondered how his thoughts about his mistake may have been different had he grown up in a world that celebrated effort or an environment that found a learning lesson in everything. A world more empathetic and compassionate about mistakes made and with a deeper drive to understand the “why” in the undesired result.

I wondered about what my own kids were experiencing. What were they being taught by teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, grandparents, friends or by me when they made a mistake? What was our reaction when expectations were not met?

Were they forced to process through statements without much direction, empathy or compassion...
“Looks like you didn't study hard enough.”

“If you would have caught it, we would have scored!”

"You must just not be that smart." (A comment made to me by an instructor in graduate school after turning in a project.)

OR....were they experiencing a relationship and the motivation to improve...

“That didn't work out the way we wanted. Everything ok?”

“Is there something I can do to help?”

“I’ve seen you catch those before…what's on your mind?”

"I've seen great work before...help me understand how to help?"

When we’re critical of someone else’s actions, mistakes or behavior, do we take a moment to understand why the mistake may have occurred? Is there a deeper meaning in the missed expectation? Or do we put the mistake, itself, under a microscope and simply concentrate on the less desired result?

When experiencing less desirable results, why not ask a question instead of voicing a statement? An inquiry rather than an accusation? Rarely will we meet anyone that wakes up in the morning with a desire to create errors, fail, or initiate chaos for themselves or others.

In addition, staring at the final result will seldom give us the answer as to how to improve the next time. But by understanding and manipulating the initial steps, or the “cause,” we can normally, and sometimes easily, change the effect.

Lone Oak continues to provide a quiet, distraction-free and safe environment to provide these beautiful transformations within ourselves and with each other. A space to understand the cause, so the effects can be more desirable.

A space to create a plan to improve a relationship. A pathway to achieving more financial or professional health. Clarity in the next steps with kids, our spouse, or our business. Perhaps a deeper understanding of what God is interested in seeing fulfilled.

Watch the answers flow and your quality of life improve.

These things rarely come to us while we fight the sound of sirens, traffic, television and radios. They don't arrive in the midst of papers shuffling, constant meetings and phone notifications.

Answers do, however, arrive when we least expect it. Perhaps after, or even during, a quiet nights rest or a walk through the woods. Maybe while sitting still and listening to the birds sing, watching fish swim or while the cows, horses and goats eat. Come see us.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

Ask a Question...THEN Walk a Mile in Their Shoes

Wed, 16 Oct 2024 14:18:05 GMT

What choices are you making to help someone else on their journey?

A friend stopped by my office a few weeks ago with a pretty intense set of challenges.

She knocked on the door, found a chair and slumped down. I immediately noticed the long, defeated look on her face. I could tell she probably hadn’t slept well in weeks. Her pale face and dark circles around her eyes shared the obvious “hurt,” inside and out.

I offered my ear for a few minutes and discovered the issues she faced were across the board. Money, personal relationships, parental challenges, physical health, automobile issues and so on…her list was extensive and the hole she appeared to be in was dark and deep.

“I just don’t know why I can’t catch a break? Stuff just seems to always happen to me. I’m really struggling,” she shared as she held back her tears.

As she continued to share the array of issues she was facing, I closed my laptop in front of me and took a deep breath. She stopped for a moment, and I saw an opportunity to interject, save MYSELF time, and fix the entire situation. How badly, and how selfishly, I just wanted to be “THE FIXER!”

My response was right there and on the tip of my tongue, “Ok, find a part time job. Budget your existing money. Eliminate the negative friends, immediately. Go for a 2 mile walk, daily. Set some tight and fair guidelines for your kids. Drink more water & less soda. Let's start there.”

Had I shared MY solution, the result would NOT have been helpful: Conversation over, problem not fixed, relationship strained.

So I held back and sat in silence.

The challenge when finding the best ways to help someone through their own issues is to first understand the perspective of that person. I’ve heard so many well-paid therapists begin their response with, “I see. So try doing ‘this’ and then follow up with ‘that.’” All before they understand where that person has actually been in life up until that moment.

By attempting to provide someone a solution without the appropriate perspective, you are essentially treating a headache with an antacid and a limited level of empathy.

So I sat there with my friend, not making a statement, and listened to understand. To truly encourage her into a brighter future, I need to know more.

Questions are an open pathway into another human soul.

She paused…and when I began to ask…the “understanding” arrived.

She grew up in a single-parent household with 1 sibling.

I grew up in a 2 parent home with a plethora of siblings.

Her history had been created in multiple homes with multiple people.

I grew up in the same home with the same people.

Her youth provided constant changes, instability and was quite scattered over decades.

My youth had been reasonably consistent my entire life.

She had never been taught any sort of “faith, ways to share in helpful dialogue, or healthy habits.

I specifically recall prayer time, family time, healthy physical activities, meal times, consistent bedtimes and doing our best in school…as all a part of my daily routine.

She was still seeking mentorship and role models.

I had already experienced an array of positive examples throughout my entire childhood.

In our short time together that morning, I was able to formulate some additional encouragement simply by understanding the “why” in her actions leading to that moment.

When we’re in the moment, other’s actions may be unhealthy and radical. But by understanding the context of their situation, their desire to make those decisions will make more sense.

And just as, if not more, importantly, questions let someone else know you simply care.

So why, with our kids, spouses, friends, employees and employers, are we so hesitant to stop, ask and listen?

Because questions leave us feeling less in-control and with an overabundance of vulnerability. You’ve traded the driver’s seat for the passenger window. Questions require personal security, confidence and patience. Questions reveal the truth, and where the truth is always the greatest gift, it can also be quite painful in the moment.

In an effort to protect our own psychological well-being, we choose to make comments and share statements. Questions are open ended and leave us without a guaranteed direction. And that can be scary.

Moving forward, I’m encouraging more questions and fewer comments. You’ll find the relationship growing, some peace established, and the solutions arriving.

What does this have to do with Lone Oak?
We realize how important these daily interactions are to everyone. How vital the empathy displayed in a question can be in influencing that human for the rest of their lives…and that’s meaningful.

These meaningful conversations aren’t normally taking place in a crowded sport complex, a noisy state fair, or at a rock concert. WE KNOW THEY ARE HAPPENING while on a quiet walk, sitting on a peaceful bench in the woods, amidst a friendly Pickleball game in the shade, or around a campfire. We witness them daily.

Creating these intentional moments is what we do. The vehicle we use just happens to be nature, trees, quiet & safe spaces, and a lot of blue ski & fresh air.

Remain encouraged and come see us.

Brian

Hurtful or Helpful?

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 21:44:31 GMT

If that woman just would have approached me, calmly, I could have tried to help.

Imagine the following…

It's 11am on a cool Saturday in October. You’ve just stepped into a large mall surrounded by clothing stores, restaurants, arcades, mall walkers, strollers, women having coffee with friends, men looking for new running shoes and teenagers lounging around the sunglasses kiosk.

Your 10 and 12 year old are just a few feet in front of you. Your spouse stayed home that morning to get a few things done in a quiet house. You’d taken some time earlier that day to exercise and eat a light breakfast. The morning was free from extra-curricular activities. The sun was shining. It was the perfect day to grab a few pairs of school jeans for your youngest son, and your daughter wanted to go along for the ride. What a great start to the weekend!

You walk out of JC Penny’s, take a right and stroll past the front entrance to a small cafe that serves breakfast until 2pm. You’d eaten at that same cafe across town a few months ago with friends. You remember having enjoyed the food, the service and the environment. So you share with your kids, “Let's finish getting what we need and come back for pancakes before we leave. Sound good?”

They smile with excitement!

At that moment, the sound of people walking and talking around you is disrupted by a woman yelling. You know immediately it's not a fearful yell. Rather, she sounds angry. You turn to your left. A woman in her 40’s is standing on a bench in the middle of the walking area, screaming, while pointing at the entrance to the cafe you just walked by.

“MY EGGS WEREN’T COOKED THE WAY I ASKED FOR THEM TO BE! THE PORTIONS WERE TOO SMALL! AND I HAD TO WAIT IN LINE AT THE BATHROOM! I WOULD NEVER RECOMMEND THAT PLACE TO ANYONE!”

We stared in disbelief as she continued for another 10 seconds about the crumbs on the floor under her table, and something about the chair she sat in that rocked slightly on an uneven floor.

After a few seconds, she finished, stepped down, and grabbed her son who had watched the entire display. They stormed out the door of the mall into the parking lot and toward her car.

You look around. Those who had stopped to listen to the lady looked at each other, turned back, and continued to do their walking, shopping and chattering as if nothing had happened.

You looked down at your children to confirm they weren’t scared or even crying from the outburst. They were fine. You look back up and toward the cafe. That’s when you see him. The cafe owner, standing in the doorway, his head down, leaning against the threshold. He’s in his late 40’s or early 50’s. He’s wearing a collared, button-down, plaid shirt with a small coffee stain on the front. His shirt slightly untucked from his jeans. He had a broom in his hand, the bristled end resting on the floor. Embarrassed and looking defeated, his wife stood close beside him holding his arm that hung limply to his side. His teenage son, apron on and a dishtowel hung over his shoulder, standing calmly behind both of them.

The man looked up. His eyes meet yours. You’re about 15 yards from one another. Not close enough to say anything, but his body language and facial expressions were clearly describing his thoughts, “I swear I want to be successful. I want people to be happy in my cafe. I don’t want to work 80 hours every week for minimum wage. It's painful to work so hard and still struggle. To have the same conversations with my wife about money. Is this worth it? And while working so hard, I still get kicked in the teeth in public. My intent is not to provide horrible service and bad food. In fact, I don’t even THINK it was that bad. There are 30 people in my cafe right now that seem to be enjoying everything. But now, no one in the mall will eat lunch with us today because of 1 public, emotional outburst. And so, I will, yet again, struggle this week. If that woman just would have approached me, calmly, I could have tried to help.”

You’re heartbroken. You think, regardless of the experience he provided that lady, no one deserves to feel the way he looked.

You finish your shopping, go back to the man’s cafe, and have a wonderful lunch with your kids. You got a chance to talk to the owner. He explained, “Two of my staff called in sick. My 6 month old daughter woke up with a fever. The food delivery truck was missing half my product. And the water was shut off this morning due to a water break on the other side of the mall. Fortunately, my wife and son were able to help. My sister is keeping our daughter. The water is fixed. And the staff that are here are doing the best they can to keep up. All in all…we’re making it.” And he half smiles…

Upon arriving home, your kids crash on the couch to watch the college football game that was already on television.

You try watching the game, but your mind keeps replaying the lady’s angry words and tone. The cafe owner’s look of grief, sadness and frustration. You begin to think…

That lady just threw a fit. With her expectations not met, she screamed her negative opinion and quick judgment to the general public. She created the damage, then walked out. How is that any different than what she’ll do on social media when she gets home? It’s public. It’s hurtful. It creates damage. And all within the safe environment of her home.

I’ve always been taught (and biblically speaking), to go directly to the person you FEEL may have wronged you. In private, voice your concern and listen to understand. Discover the full story. Normally, but not always, there is a way to work through it and everyone wins. If nothing is accomplished, get someone trustworthy and mature (not the general public…they’re normally clueless) to help mediate the situation.

In addition, keep one, simple, quality leadership aspect in mind, “Praise in public. Criticize (or understand and redirect) in private.”

Professional sporting events, political venues, and public, social media “stages” don't seem to be appropriate venues for deep criticism. Nothing about arguing in public, screaming at players, people or even opponents has consistent and positive after-effects. Humans aren't wired to improve their behavior when threatened. At that moment, they are only working to stay alive.

Furthermore, I don’t know anyone who thinks diligently about how badly they desire to fail. Kids, adults, sports teams, businesses, organizations and animals…we all want to do our best to win.

So how does a negative review or hurtful comments actually help? When was the last time someone screamed negative things about you or your actions and it left you with a deep and healthy desire to do better?

“You’re fat and out of shape! It’s gross!” your youngest child yells to you while standing in the gymnasium with 140 other people before running out of the door. Do you smile, go home immediately and hop on the treadmill with renewed energy? Of course not, your body and mind go into fight or flight mode. Your energy is being spent on protecting yourself from the hurt that their comment created. Not on improving you or your situation.

Did the lady’s attack motivate the cafe owner to do better? Or did it simply discourage him and demoralize and embarrass his wife and family? Leaving him to spend any remaining amount of energy he had to simply exist.

The next time you’re frustrated with an experience, product or interaction, take a moment to understand what may be happening…inside and outside of you. Are your emotions a reflection of your current experience or something else? Did your expectations not get met? If not, why? Find a way to go directly to that person. Make every attempt to HELP the situation. If to no avail, and it's vital that you let millions of people know that the pizza you just ate had a dry crust, perhaps you post it.

But in those deciding moments, I strongly suggest taking a quiet walk. Sit on your back porch and watch the sun go up or down. Give it some time. This peaceful space allows you the energy to count the blessings you do have. Perhaps then, you’ll discover a way you can share a blessing with someone that may be struggling…pick up their broom, sweep the floor under your own table, and allow him a minute to call and check on his daughter.

Most definitely, in your simple decision to stop and help (rather than accuse) you may give someone the motivation to improve. And at that moment, perhaps you’ll both find a way to win.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

Getting off the Hampster Wheel

Wed, 28 Aug 2024 13:33:36 GMT

"Am I really looking for more things to do?"

A few days ago, I was scrolling through an email about events happening in my area. After spinning my computer mouse downward and through endless pages of game nights, ribbon cuttings, concerts, specials, discounted promotions and dining options, I asked myself, ‘Am I really looking for more things to do?’

I leaned back in my office chair and thought for a moment. The answer was pretty clear. “No,” I said aloud to no one in particular. “I’m tired of going.”

Lets face it, I thought, whether you're single, married with one child, or have a gaggle of children following you around, we’re all busy. Every one of us is filling our days with something. We’re sleeping, eating, working, driving, reading, playing, riding, thinking, visiting, showering, or something else…every minute of every day.

So it’s true, the new CEO of Starbucks, even with his 2400 mile, round-trip commute to his office, is filling his plate each day just like the 16 year old that rides her bike to the snow cone stand she’s managing.

I dug deeper into my thoughts…

So, if I’m actually doing something every moment of every day, how many truly meaningful experiences do I actually have? How much time do I spend on “autopilot?” Numb to the minutes I’m choosing to use in some way. Those precious minutes…the minutes I am sure to never get back. Like that last nickel dropped into the slot machine, those moments are in fact, spent.

A few months ago, a very sweet couple in their 70’s that live just down the road from our home, stopped for a visit on a Sunday afternoon. Unannounced, we invited them into our living room. They brought a homemade pie. Seriously, who does that? They sat in our living room and shared memories of Sunday afternoons decades ago. “Neighbors would always visit each other’s homes after church. They would bring something for you (like a pie) and catch up for a few minutes.”

Reflecting on our conversation with them, I realized how much I prefer a slower pace. Looking back, the less hectic times throughout my week have turned out to be some of the most enjoyable, memorable and even influential experiences with the people I value most. Playing catch on cool evenings in our backyard, sitting at neighbors house exchanging garden tomatoes for freshly baked zucchini bread, or leaning on a fence with my kids watching our dogs run through the pasture…these are the times I cherish.

Conversations that flow when there doesn’t seem to be a task, project or goal at the forefront of my mind tend to remain tattooed on my soul…especially when they’re with family and close friends. I will never forget some of the questions my now 16 year old son has asked me while playing catch. The encouragement a neighbor shared while sitting in my car in his driveway, engine off and window down. A “drop by” just to say hello.

Fortunately, I realized decades ago that I'm not interested in a full calendar and endless amounts of phone calls and emails. I don't feel the need to consistently be out to dinner with large and small groups of people, racing to the casino or concerts, or even taking trips to a beautiful island simply because the calendar notes a “3 day weekend."

I’m not interested in the badge of honor for the largest workload and busiest schedule. “Busy, busy, busy” seems “miserable, miserable, miserable.”

Are we experiencing a culture that was created centuries ago? A culture where the prized mule was the animal that pulled the most amount of hours with the heaviest load. Then the industrial revolution came about and confirmed that the guy standing on the assembly line who created the most amount of widgets was awarded with a pay raise. Now, the social media guru with the most followers, producing the most amount of content, seems to be the largest influencer and generating more revenue.

For the most part, there hasn’t been much that’s changed…do more, produce more, have more, work more, produce more, have more and the cycle continues. I would argue that even with the advent of “self-driven and automated” vacuum cleaners, lawn mowers, cars, AI writers and spell checkers….it still feels we're busier than we’ve ever been in history.

I believe humans inherently desire “deeper” experiences. But it seems we’re working to discover those experiences while still speeding down an endless freeway without an exit ramp. "Valuable time" with others doesn't normally happen when we’re pressed to our limits. It happens when we’re sitting on the back porch watching the sun go down, playing catch with the baseball with our favorite 12 year old, or out on a slow golf cart ride down an old farm road to visit a neighbor.

Make no mistake, I appreciate when we’re serving large numbes at Lone Oak, neighbors and friends are calling to invite us to bbq's and birthday gatherings, and driving to the away games to encourage our kids’ teams.

But balancing those experiences with the slow and steady memories leaves me feeling energized.

What I'm looking for is less to do and a deepened engagement in the things I am doing…like writing this article.

Perhaps most of us THINK we're thriving in a world where racking up multitude work hours, rifling through stacks of paperwork and starting side hustles on limited amounts of sleep have left us with the proverbial badge of honor.

When more hours are worked, promotions are achieved and paychecks are increased. Then the new truck is purchased, the swimming pool is dug and the hamster wheel keeps spinning.

I'm not saying the new truck and pool shouldn't be enjoyed. But don't buy the new truck and dig a hole in your backyard because you had an increase in personal funds. Do it because it's the right thing to do at the time. Then enjoy the truck and invite me to your pool. We'll enjoy the experiences, together, and for all the right reasons.

The next time you find yourself on a Friday at 4pm wondering why you didn't get invited to the backyard bbq, concert at a local venue or to dinner with that group of friends, take a step back. Maybe a quiet evening at home sitting on your back porch with nothing more than a glass of lemonade was just what you needed.

Our work at Lone Oak is meant to provide you those quiet, intentional and very meaningful experiences with the people that mean most to you. Thanks for allowing us to play a part.

Friends,

Brian

Just Breathe

Mon, 12 Aug 2024 21:00:31 GMT

"When I look back, I wonder why I felt rushed...With whom or what was racing?"

Never having worked in the lead or "director's position" at any children's summer camp, I bought my own at age 30. When I look back at it, I think I rushed into it. "Opportunity! Gotta take it." I jumped in with both feet and without much direction. I'm not sure why I felt rushed. Something about, "I've got value. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I'm worth more than this assistant director position is offering. I'm eager. Seeking. Excited. I might as well start now. Let's go!"

When I look back, I wonder why I felt rushed. With whom, or against what, was I racing? Time? Others? Myself? Status? Levels of influence? Another young, successful celebrity on social media? I'm not entirely sure.

In hindsite, I wish someone would have come along side and encouraged me to "just breathe." Relax and breathe.

I wish they would have said, "Watch it all come to you. It will. Just keep taking steps." But no one did. So I jumped, pushed and pressed and made my lists and calls. Fought the anxiety. Hiding all my fears and self-consciousness. All in an effort to meet the goals, make the sale and exceed the expectations.

But for whom...and for what reason?

I don't regret that decision. I don't regret any decision I've made. But every decision produces a deep or shallow learning curve. I feel most of my "learning curves" have been Grand Canyon deep and Atlantic Ocean wide.

So I guess I've learned a bit.

Thirty years ago I was still waking up with a stirring in my stomach. I feel better now (most mornings). But each morning, and after all those hours of subconscious, uncontrolled brain activity, I wake to the same immediate (lightly crazy) thought, 'what should I be doing today?' I then back myself away from the cliff, breathe, and start the day over, "Thanks God for Jennfer, the kids, our health and home. I'm fortunate." The muscles in my neck and back relax. I get up and make our bed. Then start.

Much of my life has felt like a training run. No one wants to be viewed as the guy struggling. In the old days, they left those guys behind. Most likely to be eaten by bears. No wonder no one wants to be him. So on a run, when someone drives by, I still find myself trying to run a little faster. Picking my head up. Trying to look strong. But when I'm alone in the dark (as I was early this morning), nothing really matters. I'm only running, feeling, experiencing, enjoying...just these moments. And it's much more joyful.

Why not be the relaxed, comfortable person running in the dark all day long? Just breathe and do your thing. We're more productive in that element. More efficient. Less worried and concerned.

I often wonder why I only get grade alerts from our kids' school for a lower grade. It always heightens my stress and concern. It does the same to them. Why not set the system to alert me for a job well-done? Not only the A or B, but also a kind remark to a student or teacher...or the extra effort given.

Why not train young people on positive motivation, encouragement and their own strengths rather than on "if you don't pick it up soon you'll most likely be eaten by a bear." Why does it feel we're playing defense so much of our lives? Games are won moving the ball down the field. A remarkable defensive effort will leave you with a tie game at the very best. Why not encourage forward movement by reinforcing the positive aspects of the last 5 yard gain? Rather, we're chewed on for the smallest issues that aren't "just right." The yellow flag that leaves the officials hand when we're an inch off-sides. I wonder if that player had a strong desire to create that penalty...or if he, perhaps, just made a mistake? Cue the hungry bear!

So relax. Find a place to breathe. Get away from the stuff, the things, the distraction, the pressure. It will all be ok.

Find a way to put everything your parents taught you in a cabinet for a while. (For the record, moms and dads, we don't raise kids. We "raise" cattle and sheep. We cultivate kids. They're doing their own thing. So kids, start thinking for yourself. You're capable, and I believe in you. So go give me something to believe in.)

In the end, everything that is intended to come to me has come. More will arrive in due time. The next arrival has begun to come in at Lone Oak. I see it arriving and in all areas of my life. I'll continue to work toward finding balance with my persistence and patience.

Today, I'm just breathing. Finding a flow. There is nothing perfect about my life, but it also seems so perfect.

I read the other day about 2 human characteristics that tend to eliminate our quality of life: Our memory and our imagination.

Our memory has us living in the past (a space we cannot do anything about. Pain. Regret. Hurt.). And our imagination that keeps us wondering and worrying about the future (a place we have yet to arrive and have limited control).

What about this very moment? The present. I'd prefer to enjoy it.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

“Simple Greatness.”

Tue, 18 Jun 2024 02:52:19 GMT

"He chose to be different."

A few weeks ago, one of the best men I’ll ever know passed away quietly just a few days before his 90th birthday. I believe his character, intention, leadership skills and example were everything anyone could ever have wanted in a husband, father, grandfather, son, son-in-law, brother, nephew, uncle or friend. The kindest, most loving example of a human I’ve ever experienced…..And yet, so extraordinarily simple.

Regularly, he would graciously accept my request to meet with him. He’d listen quietly and intently as I shared personal and professional situations and challenges. When we spoke, I felt as though I was in a movie. His low and slow, calm yet powerful voice resonated like James Earl Jones in Field of Dreams. His peaceful and reassuring presence made you feel safe and relaxed. I remember feeling fortunate to be navigating my own life through the lens of someone so much wiser and more experienced. Yet even in my lack of experience or maturity, he was always understanding, patient, grace-filled and never judgemental.

He had driven the same small, plain white, single cab pickup truck for decades. He lived in the same one-level home for even longer. He showcased the same ordinary outfit for what seemed like every casual occasion. His black, slightly faded jeans, plaid, short-sleeved, button-down shirt, black belt and black shoes with white socks. His white thinning hair combed over in the same simple style. Interesting that I remember exactly what he wore, how he combed his hair, the details of his vehicle and the pace in which he drove it. The details of how he walked, listened and prayed are so clear in my mind. I studied how he approached people and topics, how he planted his garden, pruned his trees, responded to his wife, children and the community…and even how he cut his grass. All so very simple.

Why did I watch so intently? From a distance, he didn’t fit “the mold” of someone we normally strive to emulate. Just the opposite, as we continue to admire our celebrities, financial moguls, presidents of large and larger companies, and owners of mansions, newer vehicles and nicer clothes.

My friend chose to be different.

His humility prevented him from knowing I was watching. Most of the time, I didn’t even realize I was studying him. I just was. I believe his personal mission was unintentional. Just a feeling in his heart with a desire to pour into every human interaction. He wasn’t following a book’s instructions. He was simply living.

I imagine, 70 years earlier, he had written his own mission on one of his old collections of stationary. I envision it reading, “to love deeply, each and every person, while experiencing a simple life well-lived.”

His life focused on the simple priorities of Faith and Family. He knew that’s what provided him deep joy, and he allowed each of his simple actions to demonstrate those few simple priorities.

His simplicity reflected “Greatness.”

When you’re in the presence of greatness, you pay attention to everything. The desire to emulate even the smallest details becomes important. I would ask him a question, then wait on the edge of my chair for his response. Slow, deep, and methodical, the response would come. Many times in the form of another question. He knew the right answer was always there, inside of me, waiting to arrive.

His process to help me was simple. He knew I just needed time and patience getting to the next step.

He treated everyone with that same level of simplicity. Straightforward in his dealings with anyone…from the mayor, to the local priest, to the Walmart greeter, to the car salesman. He was always direct with his viewpoint. And at the same time he offered his thoughts, you felt his kind and loving intention.

When I would call, his beautiful wife would normally answer the home phone. After a short greeting, she would put the phone down for a moment and yell to her husband, “It's that Manhart guy!” I would feel him slowly rise from his beloved recliner, walk across the living room to the phone and greet me with a slow, deep and southern, “Well, I’ll be, what in the world do I owe this pleasure?”

When you spoke with him, and even in a room full of 100’s of people, you were his absolute and only priority.

I remember being in search of a mentor in my 20’s. I had my dad, but I wanted to know someone outside my own family unit that was making decisions capable of helping me experience the joy of fulfilled life. I was unsuccessful in my search for a long time. Perhaps I was looking in the wrong places. I knew the type of mentor that would benefit me, my future wife and perhaps, one day, my own children. I wanted someone with a very special set of balanced qualities.

Here are some of the unique characteristics I prayed for in that mentor: Simple yet adventurous. Methodical, consistent, and yet, fun and exciting. Patient and passionate about, and with, every human soul. Calm in any situation. A priority in faith and family with a passion to be successful financially and in business and profession. A humble listener willing to give grace-filled and direct feedback (even if it stung a bit) through the vantage point of their vast experience, but not so far removed from my own situations.

He genuinely shared every single trait.

My sadness, now that he’s no longer available to have those conversations, is reflected in that familiar song’s lyrics, “Ya don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it's gone.” Will we revert back in search of the celebrity, the owner of the larger house and more social media followers for our direction and focus? Or will we continue to seek out those in our path that strive to see beauty in the simplest in all of creation?

I write this with joy for the time spent, the blessing in every interaction, and the wisdom he imparted on my own being. But also with deep sadness, even a bit of remorse. Not in his passing, as I am quite confident he is enjoying in heaven the fruits of his simple life, but because his simple and powerful kind are an endangered species.

Much of our lives seem to have become more of a 100 meter dash filled with 1000's of shallow transactions. These less human and speedy interactions are aimed to achieve “the next level,” additional comfort and a higher financial status. A life that is safer, easier, and constantly envied by others. His life was not patterned after our "standard" methods, but somehow, he achieved even more.

I hope my friend’s example lives forever. So much that I’m striving to honor that simple beauty in everything a bit more.

My bicycle is my Lambo. My shorts and t-shirt are my Armani. My early morning runs down a dark, quiet farm road is my Venice Beach. And my chess game with a 12 year old on our living room floor is my Vegas.

Our work with Lone Oak is less about entertainment and more about fulfillment. It encourages a quiet RV site with family, a simple walk through the woods, a peaceful visit to the animal farm, a conversation in a quiet space, or time spent on the bank of a pond or sitting on a wooden bench under a patio.

Our mission encourages time away from the distraction of technology, advertisements, financial statements, mortgage payments and insurance premiums. A way to experience freedom in closing a few web browsing tabs and silencing phone notifications. A place to establish a meaningful relationship with a loved one…or perhaps just reconnecting with yourself.

I owe this calling to my friend’s example and hope these words encourage you in the same way.

May the peace of "simple greatness" be with you.

- Brian

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One Authentic Life

Sat, 13 Apr 2024 19:31:51 GMT

If you’re hiding anything or pretending to be someone you’re not, the human in front of you WILL FEEL something.

A few weeks ago I was asked to do a presentation for a corporate group in Dallas on “sales techniques and leadership.” When my friend approached me about presenting, I immediately questioned myself, 'what can a ‘summer camp guy’ really teach a corporate group about sales?’

He is a close friend, so I obliged and began putting my thoughts together. I knew that if I was going to get corporate America to buy into my thoughts, I was going to have to sell them quickly on the idea that the stuff I’m doing actually works.

I thought about all the areas I’ve worked in typical sales scenarios…athletic club memberships, home appliances, network marketing, summer camp, retreats, and now RV experiences.

Then I turned to think about sales from a different perspective…simply stated: INFLUENCE.

My perspective in sales differs from how many think about the concept. A trip down memory lane…The slicked-back hair behind a receding line, a coffee-stained, plaid jacket and presenting a distinct odor somewhere between a half pack of Marlboro Lights and Waffle House. He “drops by” to sell the vacuum cleaner you don’t need. He struts up the wooden porch steps to knock on your screen door during dinner time…Que: Dim lights, draw blinds immediately, lock door and “kids, be quiet until he leaves.”

The “what do I need to do to get you in this car today” approach has never been my style.

For me, sales has always been more about genuinely influencing someone. Helping them clearly understand, accept and buy into a particular product, idea or experience that will benefit them and those around them.

I also consider sales a key and foundational piece of the puzzle in any leadership position…and everyone is leading something or someone all the time…kids, spouse, friends, fellow employees, employers, neighbors, etc.

Without taking you through the entire corporate presentation (reach out if you want me to do it for your organization), there was one key factor in my presentation that feels worth noting. It begins before you even leave your own home.

This vital sales piece has nothing to do with any one product. It’s universal. It works in any area, with any business, any product, and any experience or idea you want someone else to buy.

The concept begins with a simple truth: Humans are a VERY intuitive & an instinctive group of animals.

We are extremely sensitive to our surroundings and can sniff out an inconsistency in a situation almost immediately. It’s what’s kept us alive for millions of years. Humans know when they feel safe or unsafe, comfortable and uncomfortable, in control and not in control, at peace or not at peace. They are conditioned to be cautious and with the ability to protect themselves and the people they care deeply about.

They are acutely aware and normally on some level of defensive mode until they truly feel they are in a good, safe and healthy space.

Let's use a nightclub scene as an analogy. Why would anyone be looking to make great choices (as in their long-term mate) in a space created to challenge all their natural senses and numb their ability to make good decisions?

It's dark (can’t see), the music is loud (can’t hear), the lights are flashing and alcohol is being consumed in large quantities (can’t clearly focus). The entire experience is preventing you from feeling, tasting, hearing, smelling, seeing, or moving with ease. You’re not aware, not in control, and not genuinely. at peace (Though you may be too distracted to even notice.).

To the contrary, and when working to produce quality sales, influence & leadership, it’s vital to create the opposite environment. You want people to feel safe, comfortable, alert, alive, fluid and in control.

The foundation of that environment starts with you.

You see, humans are extraordinarily sensitive to their environment and the people around them that. In their interactions with you, they’ll sense your natural security level about you, your position within your company, the depth of your relationship with your spouse, the quality of time you spend with your kids, your comfort level about what you watched on television last night, the words you use, what you think about, and what you’re choosing to view on the internet. They’ll pick up on everything.

If you’re operating in your personal life, or behind closed doors, in the same healthy way you're operating in your sales presentation, you’re more apt to create influence or make the sale. It’s natural. I either trust that person or I don’t. When I do, and I know the product is something that will benefit me, well, here’s my credit card.

It happens in small and large businesses. I believe Walmart has probably had a harder time selling its concept and products (and henceforth forced to dramatically spend more on marketing) since Sam Walton stepped away. Not because of pricing, systems or products…but the culture changed.

The company is no longer run by the happy old man with a dream of growing a 5 and 10 cent store. Mr. Walton was known to get out of his old, single engine airplane in rural Arkansas with 4 hunting dogs. He would climb into a rusty, pickup truck, and stop at the local gas station for a cup of coffee and a chat with “the boys.” Then proceed to hunt quail by himself for a few hours.

The Walmart culture seems to have changed. It’s still possible to sell products, but the sales and marketing tactics (with increased expense), have most likely changed as well.

If you’re hiding anything or pretending to be someone you’re not, the human in front of you will FEEL something. They’ll immediately begin trying to figure out why they feel the way they do (most of the time without even realizing it). They’ll also spend less time listening to you talk about the thing you're trying to convince them to buy, and more time trying to pull themselves to safety.

They may never be able to put their finger on exactly why that feeling exists, but the damage is done…the concern is there. And rest assured, it's not the way you want them to feel before you ask them to join your team.

In an effort to build a reasonable amount of trust between two people, it is imperative that your personal life and your professional life mirror one another. You’re one authentic person…the same, consistent, in all spaces, areas and situations.

It doesn’t mean you need to wear a suit or a tool belt to coach your son’s little league team, but it does mean that your son’s baseball team should be subject to the same level of respect, encouragement or style you share with your team at work.

Once this is accomplished, just go share the experience, product or idea with as many as you can. Your marketing costs stay low, your energy resources remain high, and you have a better chance of walking off the porch having sold one more vacuum cleaner.

Share with authenticity. Listen with a genuine desire to understand. Empathize as if the world depends on it.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 12:08:14 GMT

I try to ask people about things that matter. At times I succeed. But many times I’m so distracted with the grind in the world, busy-ness, things to do, loud noises, flashing lights, social media and television, it never happens.

How do we know what route to take when we don’t know what kind of car we’re driving?

It was 10pm. Our house was quiet. Joe, our 16 year old, was watching something on his phone and sitting quietly next to me on the couch. I was reading a book about personality types that had been highly recommended to me by one of our RV guests.

The book offered a simple, 5 minute, test to help the reader understand more about their own personality, mentality, responses to others, and how they act. I took the test then looked over at Joe with empathy.

I thought to myself, he spends so much time in a classroom...listening, working, thinking, trying to understand concepts, systems, patterns, chemical reactions and equations. Yet when I’ve asked him what he loves to do, who he wants to be and what really “lights his fire,” the answers aren’t very clear. So much time thinking about the "outside stuff," and so little understanding what's happening inside.

Unfortunately, the default answer for most, “Where I can make the most money,” is a dangerous mixture of an undetermined calling, heavy confusion, and DESPERATION to find happiness and control.

His teachers, parents, coaches and grandparents mean well when they ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

His response is on par with most standard responses, “I don’t really know…maybe a _______.” Fill in the blank, it's a teenager's way of ending a conversation when they don’t know where to start looking for the answer. And why would they…most adults are still looking for the same conclusion.

It's not that we’ve got the cart ahead of the horse. It's that the cart is on the wrong path altogether, and the horse doesn’t even know why it exists. We watch the animal aimlessly walk down a path looking for the next patch of green grass and a watering hole. Desperate to simply survive and getting further away from thriving in their actual purpose.

On the other hand, when we can respond with a confident, clear and accurate answer about who we are, it feels liberating.

Allow me to side step for a moment.

My friend, Gary, has been with Lone Oak longer than anyone else. He came from California and helped the original owner build most of what still exists on our 81 acres. He knows where every water spigot, valve, electric line, phone line, drainage pipe and where any other underground system is located.

Last month we discovered (through an unusually high water bill) that we had a leak. Presumably, and after visiting with the local water company, the leak was somewhere in the 5 miles of underground water lines, 43 toilets, 54 sinks or one of a hundred other fittings we have installed above and below the ground and throughout the retreat center and RV park.

Our plan…Gary watches the meter turn, and I begin turning on and off valves throughout the entire property. We executed, the meter still ran, consistently, through the entire process. We couldn’t find the leak.

I woke up the next morning still thinking about where the leak could be located. I went to the office, put my bag down, and went back to the water meter with a shovel. I started to dig around the entire meter. Our facilities director was nice enough to finish the job when he saw what I was doing. Gary watched. I went back to my office knowing it was a move of desperation to be digging around the water company's meter when they had assured us “it's never the meter that leaks.”

Twenty minutes later Gary came through the office door. “We found the leak. It’s directly under the meter and spraying water everywhere.”

I was elated. I felt like a 100 lb weight had been lifted. I had clarity on the source of the problem and knew how it would be fixed. It was a fun, energy-filled, relaxing, stress-relieving, “sun shining down on me” kind of moment you don’t forget. I sat and smiled. Grateful.

Finding the right answer is liberating.

As I sat on the couch next to Joe that night, I thought to myself, ‘do I ask him helpful questions?’ Questions about how he feels when he solves certain problems, plays certain games, and talks to certain people. Questions about where he’s motivated, finds comfort or challenge and experiences success.

How often do I take the intentional time to help him learn more about himself? Where does he find joy? What gives him energy? What problems does he know he can solve? Where can he solve those problems and who benefits from his solutions?

I try to ask people about things that matter. At times I succeed. But many times I’m so distracted with the grind in the world, busy-ness, things to do, loud noises, flashing lights, social media and television, it never happens.

Newsflash: Important questions aren't asked or answered when we’re constantly distracted.

Important answers arrive when there is limited distraction, a quiet focus, and a safe environment.

The noise, bright lights, horns honking and large billboards prevent us from understanding the answers to who we are, what we enjoy, the gifts we possess, and how those gifts can be used to benefit the world.

Lone Oak’s purpose is to share that space with others. The cafe is calm (except on Karaoke night). The walking trails are peaceful. The RV park is quiet. The stars and campfires are mesmerizing. And in the animal farm or leaning on a fence watching the horses eat is tranquil.

It’s the kind of space where the best questions can be shared. The answers can be found. And where water leaks get discovered.

Are you spending time in that space?

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

(Learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE )

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Seeking Validation

Sun, 04 Feb 2024 19:35:21 GMT

So I stopped him for a moment, took a breath in silence and with a puzzled look on my face I asked, “Who are the people that matter most in your life?”

Since the moment of they were born, I’ve watched my own children seek approval. It began with us, their parents. When they ate well, we praised them. Then they crawled, we praised. Walked, praised. Grew a tooth, made friends, went to grandma’s house by themselves…Praise. Praise. Praise.

The system we created for them was established: Action - Approval - Validation - Repeat

We validated their very existence with nearly every positive action they took.

Then later in life, it began to evolve. Their validation process included teachers, coaches and friends.. The “A” on the test was rewarded. Kind behavior was met with praise. The safe driving practice resulted in a license. The touchdown pass got their picture in the paper.

I'm not arguing that positive affirmation and validation isn't important. In fact, I think its vital to healthy maturity. It feels great and promotes healthy decisions.

But what happens when we get to a place in our lives where validation becomes a bit more rare. We’re unloading the dishwasher, starting laundry, filling the car with gas, brushing our teeth, getting dressed, making the bed, washing our hands…and then silence. Nothing.

Wait. What? Where are the people with the blue ribbon. The praise. The thanks. The great job!

Without a transition process between healthy childhood and some level of balanced adulthood, you welcome two friends to the party.

Mr. I'm Underappreciated and his friend, Mrs. I Feel Undervalued.

A few weeks ago, I sat quietly listening to the thoughts a friend was sharing. I could tell he was struggling.

“I wish my life was a little different. A little more money, a spouse that listened more, additional professional opportunities. I’d like to go on an extra vacation once in a while. Work is ok, but I don’t think my boss even knows half the stuff I do for him.” And his list went on.

I soon discovered a common thread in his comments. “I.” Everything he was sharing started and ended with HIS discomfort, HIS desires, HIS dissatisfaction and HIS apparent need for validation. No one had told him he was great. He was questioning his own value.

So I stopped him for a moment, took a breath in silence and with a puzzled look on my face I asked, “Who are the people that matter most in your life?”

He looked at me with a blank stare. So I repeated, “Who are the other people in your life that all of these things may also be affecting?”

“Well,” he started, “I guess my wife and kids, mostly. Why?”

“Because everything you keep talking about has only to do with you…I wondered if there was anyone, or anything, else in your life that mattered as deeply.”

He looked as though I had just handed him a small bomb to diffuse in 30 seconds or less or the planet would explode. He kept looking for the lit fuse.

I went on, “I understand your pain. It’s not fun. Life, in general, is hard. There are so many moving parts, emotions, personalities, past pain and fear, desires and expectations. We can’t possibly keep them all sorted out. And with all the distraction the world hands us, how can we be expected to make sense out of it. So it's hard. I get it. And I see you in it.”

I kept going, “I also understand that as a man living in our culture, it's hard to admit when we’re challenged…in pain…feeling alone while we don’t have it all under control. It’s viewed as a sign of weakness. And our desperation and anxiety become even greater as we continue to fall further from ourselves. Especially when it feels like the challenges we’re facing are nearly insurmountable. We begin begging (many times in the wrong places) for someone, or something, to validate us.”

Then I asked him, “Why are you questioning yourself? You’ve always been a confident and secure leader ready to take on any challenge. What’s changed?”

He wasn’t sure how to answer. He just knew his confidence had been shaken. His security threatened along with his happiness.

His response, “I don’t know. I just ready to accept ANYTHING that will make me feel better about everything.”

DANGER! The world can provide as many “anythings” as we want. Rarely are they healthy and good, right and just, authentic and genuinely helpful…especially long term.

As I processed what my friend was going through, another conversation I had recently came to mind. It was with an Indian man looking to Lone Oak as a place to hold his meditation retreat. I asked the retreat leader what he wanted as his end result for his retreat guests.

He wisely shared, “With the amount of outside distraction in our lives, every single day, I think we become confused. Outside distraction has now become our motivation. We all need a quiet place that we can remind ourselves who we actually are."

The billboard painted with the female character in a bikini selling something makes us feel like we should be more attractive. We ask ourselves, ‘what do I need to do to look like him or her?’ The fictional picture on the billboard was a distraction, not genuine motivation. Our own problem grew because it took us further away from who we really are or want to become.

Then we see the friend that recently purchased a new car or built a new house. We’re immediately motivated to work harder to produce the new house and car. When in fact, we’re just distracted from being grateful for the vehicle we’re currently driving or the house we currently live in.

We’re all working so hard to be validated. I'll throw out a social media post in hopes of a positive response. So I share the new car I’m driving, the scholarship I was awarded, the “A” my kid received, the job I took, the vacation I landed, the couch that was delivered, the lawn I mowed, the plumber I hired to stop the leak, the garden I planted, picture I painted, the meal I ate, the song I heard and the friends I have…

My friend was still looking at me, so I shared something to consider. A few points I gathered from a remarkable book I just finished reading. “Falling Upward” by a Franciscan priest, Mr. Richard Rohr.

Like everything we share at Lone Oak, I hoped it would give him some peace. The confidence to take an action step in a healthy direction. A new perspective on life.

Perhaps he’ll avoid the unhealthy distractions, be grateful for his current existence, eliminate his desire to fight or flee, and discover a healthy path that would intrinsically motivate him toward healthy results for him and his family.

It always gets better
Discomfort means growth
We always learn the most by looking in the mirror
Your circle of friends will grow smaller through life
A million things can change in a single moment

“The pain of falling is always necessary for the joy of rising.” - Richard Rohr

Remain encouraged,

Brian

(Learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE )

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Simple. Good. Grateful.

Mon, 15 Jan 2024 22:23:27 GMT

We’re so distracted by the world’s desire to keep us “snowed over” with the next best things that we forget what can truly make us happy.

You’re a few weeks into 2024. You’ve got a full head of steam. This is the year it's all going to happen. Lose weight, eat healthy, exercise, read more, watch less, call mom twice a week, and pray each morning. You’re off to a good start. LET’S GO!!

It's a great time of year to clarify & improve a few things that may need some realignment.

It’s ALSO a really good time to recognize what you’ve got in front of you. How easily we forget.

Food on the table. A roof over our head. (I sound like my dad.) Gas in the car. Good health. A few loyal friends. So many of the “everyday” things we take for granted.

Think about it.

I finished a 4th grade basketball practice this last weekend with the following thoughts:

I’m proud of your rebounding.
We’re stealing the ball more.
We just had basketball practice with our friends in a 70 degree gym wearing shorts & t-shirts. It’s 11 degrees outside! Be grateful for all the things we’re not thinking about.

I get it. We rarely think about the simple gifts at our fingertips. WHY?

For one, we’re numb to their benefit because they’re available all the time. (Remember the “irritation” felt the last time you HAD to go find new batteries for the TV remote! Geez! They’re all the way in the laundry room drawer!)

Just as much, we’re also so distracted by the world’s desire to keep us “snowed over” with the next best thing that we forget what can truly make us happy.

Sounds crazy, right? But I see it all the time. The desire to make more, have more, do more, be more and feel more (most new year’s resolutions) has us so distracted that we’ve forgotten what’s in front of us.

Countless number of people have come back from a walk through our hiking trails and shared, “Awesome! I haven’t done that since I was a kid! And it feels even better!” Wait, WHAT? You’re 46 years old. What have you been doing with your days? Stop living your life in search of the next best thing, and rediscover all of the simple things that once made you so happy! (I completed a 300 piece puzzle with my 11 year old on Sunday morning, and it was one of the highlights of my week!)

Maybe your new year’s resolution can be to recall the things that have already made us happy. We may find that the value of our current car still outweighs the stress of a new car payment. Maybe a night in a warm house watching a movie with our family with trump dinner out at a restaurant with friends.

Remember, we still touch one switch to make coffee. One button to adjust the temperature in our car or home. One voice command will call a co-worker. One remote button starts our car (so we can drive our kids to practice in a 70 degree gymnasium when it's 11 degrees outside).

I share this thought because it works. It improves happiness and quality of life.

I was born to help people in this way. I’ve known it for 35 years. It’s why I’m at Lone Oak.

Though I’ve had countless people in our Lone Oak history try and convince me to do things that aren’t “us.” TV’s everywhere, entertainment at every corner, flashier, shinier, more, more, more! Their intentions are good, but the path it would put me on is unsustainable.

My neighbor ate lunch at Lone Oak the other day with his wife on her birthday. When I asked him about their experience, he responded, “Man…Quiet. Peaceful. Nice.” I felt him relax. Breathing easy. Genuinely happy. Mission accomplished.

We’re the simple guys. We’re replacing “flashy” with authentic. “Fancy & shiny” with kickball, campfires & animals. Bells & whistles with sunrises, sunsets & Little House on the Prairie. Stoplights, intersections & parking lots with hiking trails, stargazing & fishing ponds.

We listen to customers. But why would I ever sacrifice our core values in hopes of creating something someone else has already created? Let them be them. We’ll be us. Simple. Good. Grateful.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

(Learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE )

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A Year in Review for You

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 14:52:47 GMT

“What I decided on that January day is that I can at least provide the starting line to the life others may desire.”

It was a cold and cloudy Friday morning in January. Nearly 1 year ago to date and around 4:45am. There I sat in the shop behind my house, 1 light on and struggling to begin exercising. I found myself lost in thought as I stared at a blank white board across the room.

Questions began floating through my mind.

What is it that people really need?
How am I, and Lone Oak, supposed to help them in the most meaningful way?
What is my purpose? Lone Oak's purpose?
Where are others struggling the most?

As I pondered these questions I started thinking about all of the other responsibilities I have. The kids, Jennifer, the house, school board, church council, my community, my parents in Kansas, Lone Oak, writing, speaking and my personal health. My priorities.

I began to feel overwhelmed.

I took a deep breath.

I wondered how it would feel if I just stopped thinking, asking, planning, processing.

I’m confident it would have led in the direction of so many others that don’t take the time to ask the right questions. Like life on a treadmill. White-knuckling the steering wheel each day. Work. And work more.

No clarity. Stress. And limited joy.

That felt helpless.

So I worked through it. Got time in the quiet. Answered the questions. Set the plan. Remained disciplined.

The gift I give myself nearly every morning is that time in the quiet of my own space, free from outside distraction and the “daggers” the world can, intentionally and unintentionally, impose on each of us.

That safe space is vital to my happiness. Vital! Even if it has to be at 4:30am.

I’m a fixer. I wish I could waive a wand and make your struggles go away. But any qualified counselor would tell you that only YOU have the ability to fix what’s your’s. “You can lead a horse to water, but they have to drink.” You are the only one that has the tools and ability to go through, up or around each of your own hurdles. Those tools simply need to be revealed and used.

What I decided on that January day is that I can at least provide the starting line to the life others desire. I can share the water, the tank and the time to drink.

A place with less distraction. A time to get quality rest and positive encouragement. A place where you're safe to be transparent. Your authentic self. Happy and loved for being YOU…not some “character” you're sharing to be accepted by others.

A place to discover the tools and the path to conquering those challenges over moments, days, weeks or months.

In the months that followed my own discovery, we began creating that place. It's not perfect. Thank you for showing us grace when expectations may not be met. But each day, we get closer.

Here is our 2023 year in review entitled, “Ongoing.”

Like a collegiate basketball coach once stated in an interview a few days after he won a national championship, “I never feel like I truly win. There will always be another level in which to advance.”

This list is intended to serve you. We feel fortunate to simply be on purpose. Something I discovered when someone once “led me to water.”

Improvements & Additions… ( Click here to see our photo Gallery )

76 RV Pad sites (full service)
Opened a FULL SERVICE CAFE
5 additional HOTEL ROOMS & 1 GUEST HOME
Installed a PICKLEBALL court under a pavilion
Finalized 12,000 square feet of covered ARTIFICIAL TURF
REMODEL THE THEATER meeting space
INCREASED ANIMAL FARM experience with chickens, pigs, goats and more
STALL BARN prepped for rentals
FACELIFT on our precious chapel
SOCIAL MEDIA outreach increased by over 150%
New WEBSITE (and have reached over 60,000 views)
Launched ONLINE RESERVATION system
Initiated a monthly BLOG
Added 500 meg internet package
Improved all SIGNAGE
CLEANED and DETAILED all hotel rooms
Installed additional indoor and exterior LIGHTING

We’re grateful to have had John Schneider (Bo Duke) and so many other actors and actresses on site for movie filming throughout this past year.

Just as importantly, individual families, long & short term RV stays , church retreats , hotel room overnights , Cafe guests , corporate groups, field trips and so many more have felt the peace and calm of Lone Oak.

We feel fortunate and grateful for your continued support!
Come see us in 2024!

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

(Learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE )

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Permission to "Gear Down"

Tue, 19 Dec 2023 21:14:55 GMT

“The more I oppose the “ways of the world,” the more intense I can expect my challenge ahead.”

In the midst of the holidays, a time meant for joy, peace and rest, we find ourselves following the crowd. We wake up tired and wondering why our bank accounts and our energy levels are in the basement. Let's commit to making a change in 2024.

The following is a short letter I wrote to a friend a few years while in the middle of the home-bound, Covid pandemic. Rereading it during the holidays is helpful for a few reasons:

ONE, it keeps me off of life's “treadmill.”

TWO, it reminds me of the “why” in my mission.

Enjoy!

Dear Friend -

This “virus” has kept so many completely “stalled out.” It seems to have forced us to stop for a moment. Encouraged by a slower pace, I find myself thinking more about my own lifestyle, personal relationships, where I spend my time, my habits & the things I want to accomplish.

The world normally seems to run so fast. Do you think a “global slow-down” might even be helpful?

It’s encouraging to know that Lone Oak has worked to provide that “slow down” experience even before the virus hit. We’re grateful that so many customers respond positively to time in a quieter place.

Unfortunately, for others, slowing down seems painfully difficult. Why?

A quiet and slow process, as opposed to fast and hurried, will provide you with a clearer picture. All of our strengths, blessings, deficits, needs & voids.

We then have a choice, ignore the message or respond to it.

Perhaps in the moment, it's always easier for us to ignore our challenges. I mean really, who wants to admit they aren’t a complete hero? Change what? Are you kidding me? So we ignore it. And consequently, we continue to live the same unfulfilled lives we’ve always lived.

But what if we actually responded to it?

Enter “Challenge Accepted and Reward”…

Warning…I have come to grips with a very clear understanding. “The more I oppose the “ways of the world,” the more intense I can expect my challenge ahead.”

“The world” isn’t interested in peace. There is no money to be made when you're a complete and fulfilled human. The hurried, overscheduled, power-hungry, asset-accumulating, stress-out lives some choose, can leave them out of alignment and lacking extraordinary peace…but at least they drive a Lambo. (followed with a hint of sarcasm).

My encouragement to you, my friend, is that I’ll never judge on your own discovery. Find that slower speed for a moment. Breathe. Relax. Ease forward in search of that special alignment. You’ll find the true desires of your heart. And then the peace you’ve been seeking will arrive. Who knows, and maybe the Lambo too.

Remember, the alignment that God and the universe desires to have with us, will create the peace in us.”

Encouraging you to “gear down” for a moment. A slow walk, a quiet space, time outside. Limit the loud music, uncle Bob lighting fireworks, fast cars and large screens for long periods of time. Just you, getting into alignment.

If need be, there will always be a slow, safe, quiet space for you to get away at Lone Oak.

Merry Christmas and with Much Love,

Brian

(Learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE )

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Don't We All Want The Same Thing?

Sun, 26 Nov 2023 16:32:02 GMT

"I realized the habit I had unintentionally formed behind my own, closed, eyelids and in the dark, early morning hours of my own bedroom, was nothing less than sabotage."

Ultimately, it seems we all want the same thing…to be at peace, fulfilled and happy.

I, by nature, am a mostly happy, positive person. I tend to look at the brighter side of most everything...a glass half-full kind of guy. I intentionally refrain from watching much news and rarely spend time scrolling through social media. In addition, I believe cynicism is a weak man's attempt at humor, skepticism leaves way for limited opportunity, and comparing my life to someone else's can literally steal my own joy.

From the very beginning of life, I'm also convinced no human is conceived with a natural tendency to intentionally hurt another human...at least simply for the sake of just hurting them. (Some will argue this point...but I almost never see the point in arguing either...so there ya go.)

I believe most of this attitude comes naturally. However, there have also been a significant number of optimists in my life from the beginning. (I'm sure my dad is convinced that the term, " darkest before the dawn," refers to the best time to anticipate a remarkably good dawn.) In addition, one of the philosophies I've learned and practiced consistently, "The Strength's Perspective," was taught to me throughout graduate school. In short, if you focus on the positive aspects of anyone or anything, the challenging, less attractive and less helpful aspects of the situation or behavior will eventually dissolve...leaving only the positive, beneficial attributes. I.E. If you fertilize the healthy grass in your yard, eventually thick grass will take over unwanted weeds and leave you with a lush golf course.

Recently, however, I discovered something about my daily routine that didn't seem to jive with that same positive attitude I've always had. I hadn't turned into a scrooge (side note, ask Jennifer if I'd turned into a scrooge). I believe I had remained reasonably pleasant, peaceful and joyful, but the conversations with myself had taken a more critical perspective.

It was specifically my morning routine that concerned me. I found that just after waking up and even before opening my eyes, I would immediately begin thinking about all the things I needed to do, change, fix or improve over the course of the upcoming day. I would immediately begin to wonder how I was going to accomplish all of them and what additional problems would be created through all of those challenges.

I was "out of the gates" each day focusing on the problems in my life. In turn, it would eliminate the focus on all the great things I had going for me. I believe this process had the potential to manifest even more problems and challenges, until my entire day would feel like I was barreling down "life's freeway" fixing one flat tire after another.

Maybe some leaders feel the same way, daily. At one time, Elon Musk responded this way to someone sharing their interest in doing his job, "All I do, all day long, is solve problems. Do you really want that?" It may be true. And I know challenge can, at times, create progress. We know that no muscle is ever strengthened without an initial burning sensation. However, I'm also not interested in feeling like Daniel-Son, The Karate Kid, every time he left his apartment (before the "big match"), and Johnny was waiting with his pack of goons around every corner to beat him to a pulp.

I'm interested in much more than survival. I prefer to thrive.

A few weeks ago, and after reading about one small portion of someone else's morning routine, I decided to make a change. I realized the habit I had unintentionally formed behind my own, closed, eyelids and in the dark, early morning hours of my own bedroom was nothing less than sabotage. And it had the ability to eliminate opportunity, joy and fulfillment in my, and other's, upcoming day.

Now, before I open my eyes, I force myself to change direction. At 4:20am it's challenging to physically move and easier to think. So, I begin reciting in my head all the things I have in my favor. These are TRUE FACTS about what I'm about to experience in the next 6 to 12 hours. It may sound a little corny, but it goes something like this, "This is gonna be great. I'm in good health. Jennifer and the kids are healthy. We're spending good time together. The kids are thriving at school. Engaged teachers and coaches. Lone Oak is on a fun path forward. Our team is leading and learning. Friends are supportive. I am grateful. Let's go!" And as I've done for decades, I immediately go outside, exercise and feed the animals.

Before I even open my eyes, I expect to have a good day. It works. Others have accused me of being "lucky." Maybe. But I believe "luck" happens when fate, readiness & desire collide? I simply always want to be ready with my best...and it starts at 4:20.

This process also enables me to immediately identify people and things that are not interested in my success. Those that don't choose to celebrate when someone else wins simply don't have a place in my day. With an attitude on "strengths," I can make these decisions quickly and move certain people and things to the side. Leaving me to experience the success that was intended within that day.

I know it sounds a lot like a Saturday night live episode where a goofy looking fellow with a glazed look and a hairpiece stares in a mirror while repeating, "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." However, with all the challenges people encounter in life, and there are many, I refuse to harness my day to problems, especially when I know there are many beneficial aspects of my life that I'd prefer to grow.

What gets focused on, gets improved upon. I'm interested in expanding all the solutions I have within me. I'm addicted to all the positive energy created and every opportunity it will provide me and those around me.

Every game is won by moving the ball down the field and putting points on the scoreboard. A defensive stance to consistently prevent someone else from scoring will, at best, leave you with a 0-0 tie. Who wants to tie? And who wants to spend their entire life preventing the other guy from scoring? A win, and preferably by a large margin, always provides me more peace, happiness, fulfillment and joy.

I'm an offensive player. Forward progress is fun. Done the right way, it creates opportunity for everyone.

The other day, and after explaining to someone about the increased speeds and expanded coverage of our new internet package at Lone Oak for RV'rs, hotel guests and retreat groups, a friend joked with me, "Manhart, more technology? That's not Lone Oak or what you stand for!" I smiled and responded, "Relax, all we have to do is pull the plug on your router and leave the opportunity for everyone else should they want it." He smiled.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

www.LoneOakRetreat.com

(you can learn more about Brian by CLICKING HERE )

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I am grateful.

Is Your Best Always Good Enough?

Tue, 07 Nov 2023 18:07:43 GMT

The next time you experience a “missed expectation,” take a moment to yourself.

How many times have you heard it?

“Just do your best. That's all anyone can ask.”

The 1st day of kindergarten, baseball practices, spelling bees, piano recitals, ACT testing, the first day of high school, college, and graduate school. A new job, business purchase and in a million other firsts, seconds and thirds.

Those 9 words are MEANT to be encouraging. Lets face it, the alternative isn’t going to sign you up for parent of the year. “Listen son, no need to try too hard today. You’ve got your whole life to graduate from 3rd grade.”

Encouraging others in a way that leaves them confidently trying harder to do their best is logical and a great way to parent.

But is our best always good enough (for those around us)?

What happens when things don’t work out for the best? When expectations AREN’T met, how do certain responses change? Especially, when the “encourager,” or the people around them, have the potential to feel the discomfort and fallout of those missed expectations.

Is our best still all anyone is asking?

Think about an adult’s response to any of the following circumstances.

Dad’s angst and anger when their teenage driver just backed into the new Tesla on their first trip out of the garage. (Mom and dad have worked the last 8 years at jobs they don’t particularly enjoy to pay for the Tesla they bought yesterday.)
Mom's embarrassment & disappointment when she discovered their 7th grade son’s failed grade sheet will leave him repeating that same grade next year. (It was this family’s first year at a new private school, and they were accepted into the school on the referral of mom’s best friend.)
A work supervisor’s fear when the company found a mistake in the procedures manual that their employee created. It cost the company millions, and the supervisor is now at risk of losing their job because of the error. (The supervisor had recommended that employee to the company as the right person to create the manual.)

How does our desire to support and encourage change when the end results, or even the perceived end results, may leave us, personally, with challenges and difficulty?

Do we stop encouraging altogether? Do we begin controlling? Do we sever the relationship and take matters into our own hands for fear of being hurt, embarrassed, agitated or disappointed?

A moment before, a dad was elated about his daughter’s new driver’s license, a mom was excited about the new school, and a supervisor couldn’t wait to get their employee on such an important project.

With a pat on the back and a confident smile they all shared, “Do your best, that's all I can ask!”

Do most teenagers deliberately damage their parent’s new car? Does any 7th grader ever go into that grade working to be held back? Does any reasonable employee ever intentionally cost a workplace millions of dollars and want to be personally responsible for their supervisor and friend losing their job? I don’t think so.

When expectations are not met, joy, excitement and anticipation can quickly turn to frustration, disappointment and lack of trust.

I’ve been working every day for over 14 years to improve the Lone Oak experience for others. I’ve confidently known since my very first day that I’ve been “called” to Lone Oak. Yes, other work situations would have been less stressful and probably more financially beneficial. However, I know where I was being sent in 2008, so I went.

The other day at Lone Oak I was showing a very spry, kind-hearted, grandmother and new friend through one of our guest homes. She was visiting us as a place to have her family reunion next summer.

For the record, when I walk anyone through Lone Oak, rest assured, I see no fewer than 100 items that need to be improved upon. Our maintenance team does a remarkable job, but with 81 acres and 29 buildings, my eyes are always on what needs attention. I incorrectly assume most see what I see.

As we walked out and on to the front walkway, we looked across the manicured grounds. What this beautiful lady said put me back a few steps.
“It's perfect! Everything you have going on is just perfect.”

I was baffled. I think I just stopped and resonated in that comment for a moment. Like I’d heard or seen something that didn’t feel real. A “pinch me” kind of moment.

It wasn’t because the comment felt good. I rarely require positive affirmation to improve my quality of life. It was her extraordinarily gracious attitude about the experiences we’re trying to share with others that literally took me back a bit.

She met me at the intersection of “I’m doing my best” and “her grace.” It was beautiful, and I was grateful.

Why is it so challenging for some to see all the great things about life, things and other people? (Hint: It becomes easier when you avoid the daily news and some, not all, of social media.)

The next time you experience a “missed expectation,” take a moment to yourself. Think about the original intention of those involved. Their genuine desire to share something positive, comfortable, safe, and beneficial to others. Your anxiety, stress, and disappointment may be transformed into understanding, empathy and compassion…leaving the relationship to grow and joy to be discovered.

And I’ll always be grateful for our meeting at that intersection of “my try hard” and "your grace.”

Remain encouraged,

Brian

Click HERE to learn more about Brian & his family

Trusting the Process

Fri, 06 Oct 2023 15:09:43 GMT

I began to enjoy "lightly guiding the steering wheel as opposed to a white-knuckled, death-grip with a glare in my eye and the pedal through the floorboard."

A few weeks ago, a new friend, extraordinary businessman, and leader of a growing Christian ministry in Dallas gifted me with what has quickly become one of my favorite t-shirts. The front shares only a very simple statement: “Trust the Process.”

Each time I read it the pressure inside of my heart and mind slowly releases like air into the atmosphere. It relaxes me. Helps me breathe. Think deeply. Focus. The unnecessary (and unhealthy) pressure I feel on a regular basis to perform, do well, succeed and “not mess up,” subsides almost immediately when I read those 3 words.

It's a beautiful feeling. A peace that I wish everyone could experience daily. I think my passion to share Lone Oak stems from the desire to create those peaceful moments for others.

A few weeks ago, I began wondering how and why that pressure builds up in the first place.

I remember, when I was a child, it was so easy to trust. I had everything I needed: Food, Shelter, and Fun. I just trusted that each day would be filled abundantly with the same. Those things happened. And nothing else really mattered.

As I grew older, I found myself having to work harder at trusting that “process,” despite the fact that trusting people has always been relatively easy for me. I grew up with parents, siblings and friends that always fulfilled their word. I lived in a community where theft and vandalism were nearly nonexistent with the random exception of a random Halloween night, a carton of eggs, and the local sheriff's patrol car drifting slowly down our empty, small-town, Kansas, main street waiting for something “wild” to happen.

Trust was so easy for me at an early age. I still don’t know why anyone would do anything to intentionally harm anyone else. And although my trusting nature has created some stressful situations in both my personal and business life at times, I still wouldn’t change the trust I have in humanity.

About mid-way through my college career, I remember beginning to wake up earlier, already thinking about studies, jobs, finances, careers, girlfriends, car insurance, tuition fees, haircuts, workout programs, and other responsibilities that continued to grow.

As the responsibilities grew, the level of trust I had in myself to succeed at these things began to drop. The more I took on, the harder I worked. I realized later that I wasn’t working harder to do a better job, but rather, I was working harder so no one saw me with a deficit. The weak one. The guy who couldn’t handle life.

The harder I worked, the more control I wanted. The more control I desired, the less I trusted the process, the harder I had to work to maintain control…and the cycle continued.

It wasn’t until years later, and after my responsibilities continued to grow with marriage, home and business ownership, children, vehicles and more, did I discover a way to “return” to the carefree lifestyle I remembered having as a child.

My sister helped me begin that journey during her untimely passing from a brain tumor when she was in her 30’s. A smiling mom, wife, marathon runner, nurse practitioner and delightful sister…here one day…gone the next. She helped me understand that today is what I have. Just today.

In addition to Lisa’s lesson in freely living each day, I began to understand how busy and distracted my life and world had gotten. The noise, the speed, the competitive nature and the constant struggle to stay on top of the business and personal things was wearing me out.

I decided to stop, find quiet, go outside, sit and walk, exercise a little more, put my phone down even more, read more, unplug even more, look people in the eye, and stop looking for a reason to start the next thing. My goal became: to simply enjoy this day.

I found “quiet” at Lone Oak (at work of all places, right?). It helped me eliminate the distraction and clear my mind. I found myself walking through the woods in the middle of the day, pausing for a minute to listen to birds, watch leaves in trees and a stream running. This process helped me to understand my very few, key priorities. Priorities that I knew were mine, and that I could release everything else.

The quiet gave me the personal security I needed to genuinely trust the process of each day. It allowed me to experience the beauty in allowing each day to play out. Using only my small humble hands as assistants. I began to enjoy "lightly guiding the steering wheel as opposed to a white-knuckled, death-grip with a glare in my eye and the pedal through the floorboard."

I’m sure it's possible to release the pressure valve in the hustle of city life. I’m fortunate enough to find myself in the peace of Lone Oak each day.

Our goal is to serve as many as possible in the most meaningful ways possible.

Encouraging you to settle your heart and trust the process.

Enjoy the day,

Brian

My Relationship with Money

Tue, 12 Sep 2023 20:55:24 GMT

“How many people will you allow me to help, and in the most meaningful way possible, at your company each day?”

A few weeks ago, I wrote about a coach’s motivation for positively influencing kids. It’s congruent with our desire to serve guests at Lone Oak. Projects like dishwashing, mowing, weed trimming, sweeping, mopping, fixing and repairing may seem like “no fun,” when actually, they become MORE fun when you know that the end result may leave a legacy.

Since my last blog was written, I’ve had a few conversations about why money isn’t more important to me. (It actually is important.) Some have encouraged me to make money more of a priority. Their intention was good. I’m confident they want the best for me. And it may be that if I made money more of a priority, I would have more of it. I suppose that would be a good thing, right?!?!?!

It reminded me of a conversation I had a year ago with a former staff member when he asked, very respectfully, “Brian, what’s your relationship with money?” I assume he was asking because of how, and on what, I spend money. Some say I can squeeze blood out of a turnip. I’ve never been successful at it. God knows I’ve tried.

I’ve given this question some thought.

Two concepts motivate my spending habits. One, money is a priority. It's just not “the” priority. I wonder how much more value could be created if money wasn't “the” only motivator? And two, I don’t have a “relationship” with dollars. Dollars are no different to me than paper, rocks or tree bark. The relationship I strive to obtain with people, can and has many times, been enhanced with money. Things and experiences that having money can accomplish is where value is created. Not in the dollar bills themselves. So the relationship is what I’m after. At times, money can help build it.

It’s interesting that the cave we can fall into, many times, has a dollar at the bottom of it.

Why does “the good job” always seem to be connected to the job that pays more?

I’m encouraging my own kids to ask the following question in a job interview, “How many people will you allow me to help, and in the most meaningful way possible, at your company each day?” Wouldn’t that raise an eyebrow in lieu of the standard question, “What’s it pay?”

Bottom line, I’m most interested in the experience and gratitude felt by serving others, deeply. This becomes the motivator. The pay for a job well done is only one great result…a pretty bow on an already remarkable gift.

Writing, speaking, serving food, cleaning rooms, weed trimming, or making sales calls are all jobs I will do this month and find every one of them as enjoyable as any other. Why? Because…

I know these things will help others achieve a greater life experience, deepened relationships, improved self worth, happier marriages, more enjoyable parenting and added joy.

That’s enough of a motivator to keep me rolling early each morning.

Unfortunately, world labor statistics share that only a little more than half of those working actually enjoy their jobs. And nearly half of our working population “wouldn’t wish their job on their worst enemy.” ( https://fortune.com/2022/11/15/american-workers-hate-their-jobs/ )

I promise you. I’ll never come close to holding that title, regardless of “how much that job pays.”

Remain encouraged and connect with me at any time.
- Brian

(more about our family)

Why do you do it, Coach?

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 11:20:40 GMT

When you’re open to receiving the blessings that value creation generates, the motivation to do more arrives, and many times, money becomes just one of a multitude of positive results.

Early this past Saturday morning, I watched my oldest son play his first high school football scrimmage of the season. Following the game, a group of parents provided breakfast for the players, their parents, siblings and friends. A fun experience, and an energetic start to the school year in small-town Texas.

Over a breakfast taco, I found myself engaged in a conversation with one of Joe’s coaches. I realize that most of the “dad conversations” around me were probably focused on passing & running plays, defensive efforts, future opponents, and the prognosis for our team's upcoming success. I was more interested in other things, and for anyone who knows me that well, I’m usually digging for something a little different.

“Have you always wanted to do this with your life, Coach?” my curiosity twitching about why this coach chose this route for his own life. I went on, “I mean, realistically, the early mornings, weekends, later evenings, time away from your family and for less pay than some other jobs…is it worth it?”

I was interested in what really motivates this guy. I wondered what drives him, and others, behind the sacrifices they make each day for someone else’s children.

His reply was heartfelt. “Ever since I was young, I loved playing on a team…a group interested in working together to accomplish the same goal. I love being around kids. They seem to want more than a lot of adults do. I love the comradery, their desire. The encouragement I feel when I have to kick kids out of the locker room at the end of the day because they don’t want to leave.”

I was grateful to hear his message. His passion is to serve others to a higher place. It was about the positive influence he wanted to share. The impact he wanted to make, and his desire to see others succeed.

I admire and appreciate those people who don’t necessarily make their personal financial gain the absolute LEAD priority in any game. But rather, they search for ways to add more meaningful value to more people’s lives.

Authors Bob Burg and John David Mann share in their book, “The Go-Giver,” two key concepts: (1) Help as many people as possible and (2) in the most meaningful ways you can. This process allows significant “value” to be created. In the end, when you’re open to receiving the blessings that value creation generates, the motivation to do more arrives, and many times, money becomes just one of a multitude of positive results.

Lone Oak is committed to serving as many people as humanly possible and in the finest way we know how. When we accomplish this objective, people seem happier, motivation flows and good things continue to happen.

Remain Encouraged,

Brian

(Read bit about me here)

Disconnect to Reconnect

Wed, 05 Jul 2023 12:59:54 GMT

What I assumed to be a relatively uneventful trip turned out to be spectacular time spent.

A few weeks ago, I flew with our 15 year old son out of Dallas/Fort Worth airport early on a Thursday morning. He was attending a sports camp about an hour north of New Orleans for a few days. I felt he would enjoy company as he ventured to a place he’s never traveled alone. It would also be a great opportunity to spend quality time with him, alone, in the absence of his 3 siblings.

I realized a few weeks earlier (why not sooner, I have no idea…either denial, ignorance or distraction from our reality) that life’s responsibilities were weighing heavily on me and our family. The obvious pressure had mounted through the plethora of activities in which our 4 children participate. Pair these activities with 2 full-time working parents, the creation of our 91 pad site RV park, the post-covid resurrection of our retreat center, new staff members, board meetings and other obligations…Life felt like a lot.

I wanted to spend some time with Joe and outside the distraction of his younger siblings, our businesses, and a multitude of other things. The day was quite simple. Airplane to rental car. Rental car to camp.

What I assumed to be a relatively uneventful trip turned out to be spectacular and wonderfully intentional time spent. It was moments of just us. Visiting, discovering, & listening to his dreams, thoughts and passions. Laughing about shows we’ve watched and want to watch and sharing about books I think he would enjoy. And lots and lots of people watching, wondering & discussing.

Having dropped him off, safely, at camp, I wrote in a journal on my same-day flight back to Dallas that evening.

“We really didn’t go, see or do anything spectacular, awe-worthy or remarkable. We didn’t ride roller coasters, eat at a fancy restaurant or buy tickets to an event. We just spent time together. In our own presence. I feel like I know him better. We’re closer than we were before. That makes me happy. The simplicity of it all is unique. We spent time in a car…eating a taco…riding a plane. Just visiting some. Being quiet. Watching others.

My mind feels free. It’s light, flowing. Words come to me. I’m clear and focused. Not tired. Lightly energized even after a day of travel to unknown places. I’ve been disconnected to my reality for a bit to engage with Joe on a deeper level. It has felt beautifully relaxing .”

What I realize now more than ever is the importance of escaping our “normal reality.” It is vital to a healthy, productive quality of life. It doesn’t have to be on a plane trip to New Orleans, Las Vegas, New York or Europe. It doesn’t have to take days or weeks, but sometimes only a few hours. It just has to be an escape, something different.

I also believe “intentional moments” are always best created away from loud music, noises and bright lights. And limit the entertainment factor, as it can prevent us from being present in that moment and with that person.

I also realized on my way home that the enjoyable, fun, connected experience I had had that day with Joe is the same experience I want to create for others at Lone Oak and beyond. Nature, quiet, peaceful, safe, calm and connected…this is our game. And I’m ecstatic we get to share it with others.

“Freedom lies in being bold.” - Robert Frost

Remain encouraged,

Brian

(Read bit about me here) ...And by COMMENTING BELOW, you'll be entered to win a FREE stay with us!

Friends helping Friends

Fri, 16 Jun 2023 13:43:13 GMT

Meet Steve and Ginger, long term, RV, residents at Lone Oak (and hear their unique story).

History has shown me that my time spent on property doing physical labor is just as valuable as my time in the office each day. (Leaders, take note.) Too much time sitting at a desk, inside, and with limited blood flow to our bodies leaves us with lower brain function, feeling lethargic, and sometimes, even a little cranky (what?!?!?!). My personal reward after a certain amount of progress at my desk is time outside.

The value of exercise, sunlight, some sweat, and advancing a physical project through manual labor is motivating. And I believe it's just as good for my children to see and do as well.

The sunny afternoon I met Steve and Ginger, I was attaching a trailer full of pea gravel to a truck. They pulled in, unannounced, stopped their truck near me, and asked if I needed help. I smiled. And so did they.

After a few laughs, I asked if I could help them. It was then that they shared their desire to find a quiet place to park their RV, stay awhile and relax. They moved in a few weeks later.

A month after their arrival, Steve asked Charlie, our INHOUSE, CERTIFIED, RV GURU about a small issue in the way their RV was functioning. Charlie discovered the problem was with a $10 part that needed replacing. The part was ordered, but the RV wouldn’t be functioning at 100% until the part was replaced.

Que Superman music…Lone Oak with a solution. Provide Steve and Ginger one of our onsite, individually themed, hotel rooms only a few yards from their RV for a few nights. Allow the part to arrive. Replace the part. Get them back in their RV.

The plan was seamless. The cost was limited. We all rested easily. And everyone won.

Our goal to become the most accommodating, peaceful, family-oriented RV campground in the state of Texas is becoming a reality. By incorporating our hotel rooms, guest homes, animal farm, covered activity areas, storm shelter, food service, hiking trails, fishing ponds, pool and community groups and gatherings, and now RV RENTALS, the Lone Oak experience is second to none.

Thank you, Steve and Ginger, for the tremendous value you bring to the Lone Oak community, as well as for allowing us to serve you in the way our mission calls us to serve.

Remain encouraged,

Brian

A bit about me.

A Spring (not screen) Refresh

Wed, 03 May 2023 19:19:57 GMT

Josh, Tricia & their 2 kids came to us a few months ago looking tired. They shared their exhaustion from "life's treadmill" and wanted a rest. They were in search of time on a neutral playing field (not at home, the office, or their in-laws backyard) to discuss how to find the joy they felt was missing from their day to day lives.

We accepted the challenge.

Over 75% of Americans experience health impacts due to stress in the prior month, including headache, fatigue, feeling nervous or anxious, and/or feeling depressed or sad (www.apa.org).

Josh and Tricia needed rest. Some quiet time. They parked their RV for a long weekend at Lone Oak.

For nearly the same cost as dinner and a movie, they spent 2 nights and 3 days resting, walking, talking, listening, & reading. Their kids played (outside). They fished and explored. They forgot about their yard, checkbook, in-laws, house and jobs. They created a plan for their return home. They added some quiet time (screen-less) and eliminated some extra activities they knew weren’t serving them well.

They implemented their plan before they departed. It worked.

They’re now enjoying life more. Doing less, and actually having more. Their personal finances are balanced. Tricia took a job she enjoys, and the kids are thriving in school. Most importantly, they feel more joy…at peace with their lives and one another.

They plan to return to Lone Oak once each month for a "micro-reset."

The small amount of money you’ll spend on an RV hookup, hotel room, or guest home will return TEN-FOLD in energy, relationships, opportunity, peace and quality of life.

Whether at Lone Oak or somewhere else, we’re encouraging you to take time to refresh.

Live well,

Brian

A bit about me.

PS. Coming soon…We plan to share opportunities, some free of charge, that may benefit you!. Remain on our list so we may remain in touch.

Recreating the Simple Life

Tue, 09 Aug 2022 16:38:18 GMT

Once upon a time, I believe humans lived in a very simple world. Their day started with a warm sunrise and ended with a calming sunset. Between those 2 moments, very simple activities took place. Consistently done over time, those activities proved to allow people to live long, very healthy and happy lives...lives free of hatred, guilt, separation and despair.

Each week, they would spend one day walking, talking and gathering. Another day, they would spend the morning hunting and fishing. The afternoon was used to clean and preserve. Children learned trades, helpful skills and built trust with each other. The remainder of the week was spent repairing huts or tents, cutting firewood and helping others do the same. They would repeat this cycle week after week.

Where did those days go? What's different?

Nearly every waking moment was spent outdoors in quiet places, with family and friends, feeling the sun, working and playing, hearing the birds sing, the water flow and the trees rustling in the breeze.

I envision relaxed people, with low blood pressure, low heart rates, no headaches, body aches or stomach aches…breathing lots of clean air, displaying cheerful smiles and laughing…lots of laughter.

When I compare their quality of life to the lives so many are living today, with their work commute, the traffic, the horns, sirens and unhappy displays of irritation from other drivers, I’m sad for them.

We have something very different at Lone Oak, something new, fresh, simple...and counter cultural. I'm excited to share it with so many. When we're not sharing with guests, I feel a sense of guilt, as though I let you down.

Those simple days still exist. They didn't go anywhere. They're just a bit more hidden. Come see us .

Remain Encouraged,

Brian